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Hi,
This is my first visit here, but I am looking for advice. We had 13yr old girl placed with us for safety reasons and became her guardians. We are now in process of becoming her foster parents. She went to school with my 14 yr old and they were friends. I also have a 16 yr old bio daughter and 22 yr old bio son. Now that the fd is in the home, she and my 14 yr old get on each others nerves as they put it. It has only been 1 month but I am worried about upsetting our family balance but also want to provide for the 13 yr old who has no where else to go. Do I give it a little longer for adjustment? Thank you for your time!
REALLY WORRIED:confused:
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I have had five teens and have a teen son. I had thought I would be open to a friend of his if it came up but was warned by my worker that often those situations do not work out well. Being friends and being foster siblings are very different.
Of the five teens I have had only one did not work out well with my son. The problem was that particular teen had a very narcissistic personali and was very verbally abusive to my son.
What has helped is allowing my son to have his own space. He is on a different level of the house from foster kids. Others are not allowed to go in his room without permission.
Perhaps if you lay down the law that they need to respect each other and that you will not tolerate hostility from either party it will help. Have a sit down family meeting. Talk about how things are different now that they are not friends but siblings. My son had difficulty when the one teen became involved with his friends and shared personal information. we were able to get an inhome therapist through CPS to help which was a good support for me. It was offered to help preserve the placement and prevent disruption.
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Phxmama,
Thank you so much for your reply. I was beginning to think I was the only one who experienced this. We went into this blindly. It was my bio daughter who asked me to help the girl when she found out the mother's bf was sexually abusing her. I went to police because mom wouldn't even after I told her. He was put in prison this past Jan. He gets out next month. This June, the daughter found out her mom plans on marrying him and kicking her out. I just can't understand. So...my daughter once again came to me for help. We took her in on emergency placement and now have guardianship. Unfortunately, they have to share a room:( Like you said, it would def help if they had their own space. And fd has low self esteem but comes across tough so my daughter gets confused. It has put a distance between my bio daughter and I that wasn't there before that truly hurts. We start counseling Monday. Thank you again!