Long Post - Question to B-Moms Please

I've been wrestling with this question for quite a long time now, and I've reached the point with it where I feel like I need to get some different perspective on it and perhaps lay it down and walk away. :confused: I'm hoping that some of the birth moms out there will be able to give their thoughts. Without completely reinventing the wheel here, since my saga is pretty well documented on these boards, I'm an adoptee who finally got serious about searching and found my birth mom and other family members. I may have done myself a huge inadvertent disservice by allowing the mushy, tear filled reunion stories that are covered on various TV shows to frame my point of reference for a reunion experience. I had prepared myself mentally for either the tearful, joy filled reunion or for outright rejection. It never entered my mind that an apathetic reaction could be arguably more painful than just being told no to contact. I think in my other posts I've pretty well documented the various things that keep coming up in my b-mom's world that take up her time and attention. First it was not being able to easily inform my two half brothers (who have since been told), then my b-mom's mom moved back to town with them and that became the dominant issue (grandma still doesn't know I exist), and throughout there have been various health concerns for both my b-mom and her husband. All of these things are what they are...I get that much. I was thinking about this earlier today and this brings me around to what I think is my central question. I understand that there are other things going on in her life. I get that and accept it. I also understand that it's unrealistic to expect that someone would be able to alter how they've dealt with a "secret" (me) for 50 years at the relative drop of a hat. I get that and accept it as well. Having done a lot of reading on the topic, while I fortunately cannot relate to ever having to have made the huge decision of placing a child for adoption, I believe I can understand and accept where it could cause tons of emotions ranging from guilt to self doubt to anger to who knows what else. And if I'm correct in that, then I also accept that I am the living, breathing embodiment of all of those emotions and a reminder of a much less positive time in her life. But me being me, here's what I can't quite grasp...is it not reasonable to expect that someone with all those emotions would, if given the chance, at least demonstrate some actual interest in meeting face to face and to maybe, just maybe, begin a healing process to be able to address some of that emotional baggage, to put it down and move past it? I'm not conceited enough to expect that b-mom should drop everything for some face time. But for the last several years it's been one continual thing after another, and every time I've brought the question of meeting face to face up the question is dodged. The closest I've ever received to an answer is that "it'll happen some day." In the meantime time keeps ticking away and I'm reminded of that line from On Golden Pond where Kate Hepburn asks Jane Fonda just exactly when she expects this relationship with her father to begin. It doesn't have to be tomorrow or next week. There doesn't even have to be a specific time set right now. For now, I think it would be a positive feeling for me just to hear some excitement from her about a face to face meeting. Am I being unrealistic in this? It's frustrating...sometimes I feel like the whiny adopted child stuck in the grouchy old guy's body. Best all, PADJ