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Our therapists thinks that there is a strong possibility that our foster kids have a trauma bond instead of a normal sibling bond. She is concerned that they need to be separated do to aggression from the oldest toward the youngest. She wants to really be sure before separating them, but she thinks that may be the best/only way for both of them to heal. The oldest also has moderate attachment issues but is making some progress in that aspect. Has anyone had experience with this type of bond and did they have to separate the siblings? We are really hoping it won't come to that but we are not a therapeutic home and that may be what he needs.
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I saw lots of people have read this but didn't see any responses so I thought I'd post even though I'm not sure I have much helpful to say.My son's siblings were adopted prior to his adoption. When they are together there is definitely a "trauma bond". I wasn't involved in the decision to split up the kids and don't know if that was the reason but I can certainly understand why such a decision could be made. My son misses his siblings very much and we have as much contact as possible. But all the parents agree there is a cost to them seeing each other that starts weeks ahead of time and lasts weeks after the contact.I don't know if any of that helps. Best of luck on your journey.
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My two older children were seperated from all their siblings, and there was definitely a trauma bond between them all rather than a secure attachment. However, like Hunterdon, I was not involved in the decision to seperate, which was made when they were in their first foster placements. However I don't think any assessment was made on the siblings to determine what their relationship was like. They just all had major difficulties, so the FC's could not handle more than one child at once.I do not believe my DD's would be where they are today if they were still with their siblings, no. DD1 was close to a younger sister (the sibling closest in age to her), and I was told they seemed on the surface to be inseperable. Actually that was created entirely by trauma and DD1 being quite parentified and feeling that she had to care for her sister. DD loves her sister now, and was devastated to be split up, but now as an adult, feels it was the right decision. Whilst DD has largely healed, this sister has not and is a troubled young woman, so seperation doesn't necessarily mean extra healing. I just think her if they had been kept together, her sisters needs and their relationship would have prevented DD1 from healing
Thanks for your replies. Our therapist thinks that our oldest FS is making enough progress to try to keep them together and reevaluate in a few months. We are very hopeful we can stay together since everyone is pretty sure (but who knows) that it's going to adoption. birthmom is six months into this and has done nothing required of her. She has been making it to most visits recently so I don't know if that will mean anything in court. Anyway, thanks for your insight, it was helpful.
Our therapists thinks that there is a strong possibility that our foster kids have a trauma bond instead of a normal sibling bond. She is concerned that they need to be separated do to aggression from the oldest toward the youngest. She wants to really be sure before separating them, but she thinks that may be the best/only way for both of them to heal. The oldest also has moderate attachment issues but is making some progress in that aspect. Has anyone had experience with this type of bond and did they have to separate the siblings? We are really hoping it won't come to that but we are not a therapeutic home and that may be what he needs.