honest opinion please

I commend you on trying to stay sober... I realize that it will probably be especially hard after the birth of your child and you will need all the support that you can get. I do not feel it would be wrong for you to ask for help in this area. Is there a particular reason you are wanting a treatment facility in Texas? There may be an excellent treatment facility in your area... just wondering! Best of luck finding a new family for your precious little one and in the hard days ahead... Just remember, take one day at a time and remember that you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to! Love and hugs to ya! ... Kara

Lorraine, Because you have already made an adoption plan for your baby, would you be open to getting into rehab through your state's social services. They can at least offer you some help. My concern is that you aren't currently signed up to be there. Are you a part of any support groups for addicts? There is a lot of support out there. I am an amom to 2 drug exposed boys. My boys were "lucky" to not have significant issues I've seen with other babies, but they have both shown effects as a result of thier bmom's choices for drugs. I know your baby doesn't have much longer in your womb, but right now you are mom, and I hope you are doing the best you can to make it a safe place for your son--and yourself. Your son and his adoptive family could be dealing with the life long consequences of the decisions you make now. I think your concerns are completely valid and I would start by finding out where the family you've chosen stands on an open or semi-open adoption. You are within your rights to ask for this. I don't want you to feel it's a matter of getting to go to rehab or not though. That's not a reason to place your baby with a family. Please take care of yourself. I will be thinking about you and praying for you. You sound like an intelligent lady and I don't mean to sound preachy to you and tell you what you already know. I wish I could just give you a big hug because I feel for your situation so much.

Sounds to me (total inference here) that you have been offered the world in a closed adoption and you prefer open adoption now - perhaps having learned more about it - and they don't want that. When I was pregnant with my son I was offered lots of money for a private and closed adoption. I mean LOADS of money... I wanted Open adoption, they covered my expenses, got the openness, my son is 13 now. Not letting money sway you is difficult, I understand that part of this but rehab can be low cost. You don't need a swanky ritzy place for rehab, you need a place that wants you to rehab, not the money you have. You know my ex went to some swanky AZ rehab. Didn't do him a lick of good. You need to want to rehab too. Today you must take care of this child. Clean system, good food, good health care, and if adoption is on the agenda you need the best parents for baby AND yourself for this is a lifelong relationship. Maia

please take good care of yourself and your child. that's first. then, if you want an open adoption you have the right to ask for that, if they don't want that you can choose another family. there's also social services supported rehab should you choose to parent. take care.

Hi, I am from Texas and am a bit concerned about the promises made to you. Hopefully you would have been going through an agency because any money given to a birth family in a private adoption is often considered illegal. Perhaps they were able to justify payment to the Rehab by calling it postpartum expenses. That being said, are you from Texas? Are you looking for a family in Texas? In San Antonio there is a rehab center that accepts everyone into their in treatment center. Have you talked to the family that was going to adopt your baby? They might be willing to open the adoption if they knew how important it was to you. If you really like them this would be a great starting place since you already have some history with them. If they aren't open then by all means let the new family know what your needs are. It never hurts to ask. Where are you from? I am surprised that you will be allowed to travel to Texas if you are three weeks away from delivering. Our daughters bmom had a great pregnancy but at 7 months the doctor told her not to travel anymore. Please PM if you want more info. On the rehab clinic in San Antonio. I live in San Antonio and would be glad to help you get to the Rehab Center. I commend you for acknowledging the fact that you need professional help. Half the battle is acknowledging the problem the other half is getting into treatment and trusting the process. Take care, M

I have a daughter and all my family in texas and my main area of drug using has been in arizona. So i know its important to go to be with my daughter. I went thru a state funded rehab when i found out i was pregnate. The place i plan to go to is a 12 step program and its $75 a week. Its not some ritzy place. Thats the last thing i feel that i need. I just need the basics and support to help me stay sober when the first thing im going to want to do is get high.

Well, First and foremost you need to do what you need to do... We can only suggest. If the first couple does not want an open adoption find another couple. Do not let the money by a lure. Your sobriety is major. But remember - you hafta take it one day at a time... and sometimes it's one minute at a time. It's really really tough - I know. Only you can decide though. Maia

Lorraine, I want to say I think you are a very strong woman to face your drug problem head on and want to do something about it. That in itself says so much about you. As for your unborn child, if the previous couple is not comfortable with open adoption and this is something YOU want, then definitely look for another couple. You can have as much openness as you like in adoption, you just have to find the right family for you and your child. I have two very open adoptions and my oldest daughter talks with her mother on the phone every week and my youngest is just that...too young to know, she will be two in Jan., but her day too will come when she knows her mother and extended family and will be a part of their lives also. [Edited to Remove Terms Of Service Violation] Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers.

Hiya, I just wanted to pop in here and say that there are a number of drug rehabs in Houston as well.. My 20 year old adopted daughter was at a place in South Houston where she lived and worked to pay for her staying there. It was not an easy task, but it was a decision she had to make for herself.. This is not an easy thing for anyone to handle... I as a very young parent for having a 20 year old ( I am only 33) It seems to take a part of everyone dealing with the drug problem. My husband nor I have ever had to deal with anything like it before, but I assure you that it takes affect on people you wouldn't even think. Have you used the drugs while pregnant? My daughter is pregnant but was already clean for a few months prior to getting pregnant. We now are dealing with Hep B and possibly other things along with still dealing with the pregnancy and drug usage. Please take care of yourself and your baby.

if you are willing to take the steps to be sober for your baby, a big step as i can understand it, assuming you are a cocaine addict, then why not take the equally big step of being a mother to your baby and not giving it up for adoption? i mean, you are making a choice so your baby can live. why not make that choice for yourself also? dont you want to live? we all know what its like to want to do things we shouldnt do. your baby got you off the stuff. how and why? take that same logic and apply it to you. you owe it to yourself, and to your baby. you cant escape that. if youre willing to pick yourself up for your baby, then dont put yourself down again for more drugs. your baby will be grateful someday if you dont give him/her up, but do the work you need to to be there for it.

All I can say is stay sober you will feel alot better !! I go to a celebrate recovery program it is Christ centered and wonderful It has help me alot ! I had a drug problem as well I quite with my first child started using again after she was born then I got pregnant again so I got sober for my baby. I really did not know how I would cope after I had him... Drugs seemed to be a comfort before why not now ... Well first my daughter needs me ... what type of mother would I be to her on drugs again.... second one day I want to meet my son face to face. Anyway I dont know if you have any celebrate recovery programs where you are you can find them in churches. They have really helped me stay focused on what is important and I am happy to say I have not touched a drug in along time ! So hang in there and do what you think is going to be best for your child not just your self. Take care of you self thourgh this and stay strong .... It takes a strong women to place their child for adoption so you can be strong in the area of drugs too! I will be praying for you !! God bless

Up until the time you legally terminate your parental rights, you have the right to choose whomever you wish to parent your child, as long as they have a homestudy in place. If this family you have chosen originally is not interested in the same level of openness than you, then don't place with them. My suggestion would be to find a family that wants *more* openness than you, b/c they'll likely be more amenable should you decide later you would like more contact then you originally planned. So yes, you can choose to place with another family. This decision must be made regardless of any financial promises - that's not legal. Any and all financial support provided to an expectant parent is considered legally an 'act of charity' and cannot be tied to a placement decision. You cannot 'tie' the two together - you cannot say to anyone I will give you this baby IF you give me a plane ticket and pay for X dollars in rehab/living expenses/whatever. That is illegal. They cannot agree to pay these expenses IF you place with the It's important that you balance 'short term' vs 'long term' when making tough decisions like these. Short term, if you place with this current family you get your immediate needs met. Long term, you lose the relationship you wanted. If you place with another family whose openness desires more closely match or exceed yours, you may have some financial issues to deal with. Long term, you get the relationship you wanted. As to what another family can and will provide in terms of financial support, that will be between you, them, and their attorney. You can explain your situation to the family you choose *on their merits as parents* and allow them to decide what, if any, help they can and are willing to provide. HTH, best of luck. Regina

I just wanted to let you know that I work with parents helping them get into rehab programs in the state of Texas. If you are still looking for a program PM me and I can give you a list of possible facilities that help without needing financial assistance. A couple take mother's with their children. Sharon

Only you know the situation you are in. I think this is something you really need to consider because you will be making a decision that will wiegh on you for a long time. We have an open adoption with our bmom her reason were different from yours but still one that she had to decide if she was really the best thing for her baby

Not sure if this is available in TX, but in TN and AR, if you are pregnant and under a certain income level, then you qualify for state medicaid. Included in that medicaid is drug rehab at various state and private facilities. You might check into this option- I think you'd need to contact the DHS office in your city. Good luck to you and many prayers.