...It's either: "adopting an older child is the most rewarding and wonderful thing you'll ever do and all you need is love." Or it's along the lines of: "adopting an older child is the worst decision you'll ever make because they all have severe problems and they'll never recover and your life will be ruined."
I'm assuming that it's somewhere between the two. ...
Or maybe it isn't somewhere between and really is an either/or. :evilgrin:
Seriously, whether it ruins a person's life or is rewarding depends on so many factors, only a few of which we have any control over.
My cousin was adopted from a foreign orphanage and he pretty much ruined the happiness of my aunt/uncle/their other child. My sister was horribly murdered by her brother-in-law's sort-of-foster-son (had aged out), I think that qualifies as ruined.
But I adopted my daughter from foster care (was 7 yrs the first time she was placed with me, and was 8 yrs when she came back as an adoptive placement, finalized when she was 9 yrs), and although we have had a lot of ups and downs (and some of the downs were very far down), things are truly awesome now (she's 16 yrs), she is a way better kid than I was at that age, very kind, considerate, sympathetic, helpful (if it is the kind of chore she likes: she will muck out a horse stall or go to the store, but she is useless if you need the litter box cleaned).
She still has lots of issues, but I have learned not to trigger her issues or to do anything to escalate them, a few times I've actually been helpful at making her feel better and avert problems. I know she is ashamed of herself for the way she behaves sometimes. At all times she has a plan on how to kill herself. I have major worries about what may happen when she meets with her birthmom again someday. The therapist tried to arrange a multi-day multi-appointment between them, but my daughter decided she wasn't ready.
But I am so happy to be her mom, and I feel like I've been of real value to her, and to society who might actually get to benefit from her contributions if everything holds together and she can get through high school and college and overcome the effects of trauma.