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I'm at wits end with Hippie Girl. For the past 3 weeks or so, she has begun peeing everywhere AGAIN. She is almost 12 (in about a month) and there is no medical reason behind it. I've had her checked for UTI's and infections, I've taken her to individual counseling, family counseling, and talked to her repeatedly. She was in diapers when she came to me in March because she REFUSED to use the toilet at night. It wasn't that she can't, she just said that it was "easier" to pee herself or her bed. 3 weeks ago, she got mad at me for grounding her (She didn't even start a HUGE report that she was given 2 weeks to do.) So mad that she flipped out on me, screaming, spitting, and even FLIPPED ME OFF. Needless to say, there were consequences. She got sentences for disrespect and her grounding extended. Ever since, she has started peeing herself purposely (she literally stood in front of me, looked me in the eye and said "I just peed." Really? This has now happened 4 times in 3 weeks. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL FOLKS. She has resumed bed wetting after having none for 4.5 months. And what's worse is that she doesn't wet the bed at night...she does it in the morning when she gets up. She pees in her bed, gets up, walks down the hall, and goes into the bathroom to shower! There is no accident in that. She tells me she does it. She tells me with a big grin on her face, like it is funny. Now, as if that isn't bad enough, her little sister came to me yesterday and told me that she saw Hippie peeing on their bedroom floor! EWWW! When I confronted Hippie about it, she just shrugged her shoulders and said "So? It wasn't the first time." ERRRGG!!! She confessed that for the past couple weeks, she has been peeing on her floor because she "wants to." I shampoo carpets EVERY Wednesday come rain or shine, so there is no smell build up (I have 4 dogs, shampooing is a must.). I didn't realize she was peeing on the floor for the past few weeks because I was shampooing, and her bed smelled like pee anyway (despite scrubbing) because of her wetting daily. I am disgusted. Appalled. Her sister refuses to sleep in their room. I moved her into my nursery temporarily. I already called my agency, and they are at a loss for what to do either. I told them I am done. No more waiting. Get her moved ASAP. They said they will try in the next few days, and asked if I would keep her sister temporarily (special needs are harder to place) until they found somewhere for both of them. Any ideas in the meantime? I stuck her rear end in a diaper, and made her scrub the area she was using as a bathroom, but I am FUMING and have no idea what to do in the meantime. Any experience with this issue? Advice? :grr:
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seems that some real world consequences here might be the best medicine. iN our house we would probably do something like this 1) I don't do pee laundry unless it is rinced out (that is a standing rule actually). 2) I don't change peed in beds, kids can do that. 3) if you pee your sheets you don't get a fresh set till the set you soiled are rinsed and ready to clean (at 12 I would say she should clean them, even by hand). 4) I would garnish allowance, in preperation for the inevitable medical bills that will come from infections. and then from there just stop reacting. Let her walk around in public in peed in clothes. She will eventually figure out that it won't effect you.
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Our 11 year old is a pee-er too. Not as frequently as yours, but lately it's been her new hobby. Peeing in the tub instead of toilet, on her clothing (not while wearing it) and her carpet. We show not reaction other than, a very flat "something stinks. You peed and need to clean this." She now has a bucket in her room that she may pee in- a MUCH better alternative than the carpet. We don't ask her why she chooses to do this, because there really is no rational or acceptable answer. She just needs to hose out the bucket when she uses it. When we found out she never uses toilet paper (not even with poo), we put an alarm on the bathroom door and required her to set the timer on the stove for 10 min and had to stay in the bathroom he whole time to ensure plenty of time to wipe. Eventually. We weaned down the time and now she wipes like a regular person. You could try sending her to the bathroom during scheduled parts of the day as if you are spotty training.
Yeah, my almost 19 year old refuses to use the bathroom at night. I found water bottles with pee, cups with pee, he peed in a pair of his shoes?! I got him one of those urinal bottles for bed-bound males to use and while his room still stinks, I think the fresh pee is now contained... I just have to "remind" him to empty it... I agree that the less attention you give any behavior, the greater the chance it will go away. I had a 7 year old who had issues peeing her bed. We did a combo of washing her PJ's/undies, having her help change her sheets, moving her room closer to the bathroom, etc. The kids' bedrooms were downstairs at the time and mine was upstairs, so we had a baby monitor so we could hear them if they needed us and we set up walkie-talkies so they could call us and hear us if they needed to. When we moved her room closer to the bathroom, I also started taking longer to go downstairs when she called to tell me she wet the bed (she would wet at 2 am or some other unreasonable time). At first, I would answer and say I was on my way, help her strip and remake her bed (dirty sheets went in a big black garbage bag and she had a set of clean sheets under her bed) and change her PJs. After a couple of weeks, I started "having to use the bathroom" before I went down, and had her start putting the dirty sheets in the bag while I went pee. After a while, I took longer and longer and eventually she was able to get old sheets off and clean ones on before I came down (I always praised her how quickly she got them off, etc). Good luck.
hopefulBunch
I have a 7 year old who is having a pee-fest currently. I hate it. I'm wondering how to explain it to her caseworker. I guess I'll just tell her like it is when we see her next week. I need to buy a new carpet cleaner.
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I think these are all great ideas but I wonder how the case worker will react if you let her stay in the pee room and wear pee clothes (if she refuses to clean her mess and clothes)? I totally love the love and logic courses and love natural consequences "handing the problem back", not your problem. But I have found a lot of their tips are applicable in foster care. One I read was leaving them stranded if they miss a city bus. Um, not with foster kids. So I don't know. Food for thought.
I wouldn't really care what CW thought. (I didn't care what the CW thought...I've been there!) If the kid is given plenty of time to clean off her bed and tidy the mess she created and to shower too then not a problem. If she so chooses to not do what is asked of her and what is asked of her comes before shower...well then it's on her. I had that kid :) she was 4. Oh how I vented here! She would stand there and look at me and spread her little legs (cuz ya know she didn't want that mess on her) and pee the floor. The last time she did that I walked past her, went to linen closet and got a towel, tossed it to her and told her it was her mess and to clean it! OMG the screaming! :) didn't pee again! She pooped too. The last time she did that was while on Time Out, she pooped her panties, reached back and then smeared the room. I found that lovely. I went outside, called my cousin (cuz I was fixen to explode) then went back in with Clorox wipes, paper towels and a grocery bag. Handed them to her and said again, your mess you clean it. When that was done I got my laundry toothbrush (they work WONDERS to work out stains) gave it to her in the shower and allowed her to clean up her panties as best she could...end of pooping issue! I know some areas "poo poo" (ya punnnn intended lol) that idea but how in the world will a kid learn to be responsible for his or her own self if the consequences they get are not naturally flowing?! I just never understood that. Nothing what we talked about in this thread is demeaning or hateful or mean...in fact it's NO LESS than what we have to do to handle what they just did...how is it ok for us to clean up an on purpose pee but not the pee-er?! JUST UGH! Off my soap box now!
What I mean is if the child refuses to clean up after themselves and you allow the natural consequence, sleeping in a pee bed or where ever, wearing dirty clothes to school because they don't have clean ones, etc would depending on your location get you in trouble. Here teachers are required to report to CPS kids that are basically not clean enough. I think most kids wouldn't let it go so far as that because they want to save face at school but I think some are so traumatized they really could let it go way too long. I think they need go clean it and need to learn that way but sometimes it doesn't always work out that way.
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I had one that pulled that stuff. He was a foreign adoption though so I didn't have to worry about social workers. We had poop, pee and vomit and he had to clean up his messes. (I would reclean after he went to bed or school) It would be worse if he could tell he was getting to me, so I had to act like I didn't care (but boy did I care!) One summer he stopped only because I told him that kids who were not potty trained had to stay in the baby pool when we went to the city pool. He hated that idea, so he only pooped and peed in the toilet for the whole summer, then when school started he went back to doing it other places. So I knew he was in control. What finally did it was him wanting to have sleepovers. He realized his friends would smell his room.
I've had pee'ers and poopers too. Although I personally agree with making it their problem, that's a big no-no here. I actually got in trouble for it once. My FFS smeared feces every single day (sometimes several times!). I always cleaned it myself (I'm a total germaphobe and wanted to make sure he didn't miss anything, eww!). The ONE time I asked him to wipe down the side of the tub after I cleaned 99% of it (I gave him disposable gloves, a plastic grocery bag, and Clorox wipes) I got in trouble. I was told that that was borderline emotional abuse! I nicely said how is it wrong & gross to ask him to clean up a small portion, but it's not gross for me to have to clean up the rest of it every single day? I couldn't believe my ears! They basically said to just deal with it. I wasn't allowed to even tell him that it wasn't ok to do that or let him know that it could potentially make the other 6 people in the house sick! They said clean it up and don't say or do anything. :mad: No advice, but I feel your pain! It sucks big time! :arrow:
I've heard others say such things and I am SO against that attitude (that it's abusive to the kid to make them clean their own on purpose pee and poop!) That child would have been removed the same day. If they had no home for him then let the CW take him to a hotel and let her "not abuse" him for a few days! Common sense (IMHO) dictates natural consequences when ever possible! UGH!
Mallynn
I've had pee'ers and poopers too. Although I personally agree with making it their problem, that's a big no-no here. I actually got in trouble for it once. My FFS smeared feces every single day (sometimes several times!). I always cleaned it myself (I'm a total germaphobe and wanted to make sure he didn't miss anything, eww!). The ONE time I asked him to wipe down the side of the tub after I cleaned 99% of it (I gave him disposable gloves, a plastic grocery bag, and Clorox wipes) I got in trouble. I was told that that was borderline emotional abuse! I nicely said how is it wrong & gross to ask him to clean up a small portion, but it's not gross for me to have to clean up the rest of it every single day? I couldn't believe my ears! They basically said to just deal with it. I wasn't allowed to even tell him that it wasn't ok to do that or let him know that it could potentially make the other 6 people in the house sick! They said clean it up and don't say or do anything. :mad: No advice, but I feel your pain! It sucks big time! :arrow:
where is the girl now then i know this years ago but did you end up keeping the children i could understand the frustration but i hope they ended up ok x
I'm at wits end with Hippie Girl. For the past 3 weeks or so, she has begun peeing everywhere AGAIN. She is almost 12 (in about a month) and there is no medical reason behind it. I've had her checked for UTI's and infections, I've taken her to individual counseling, family counseling, and talked to her repeatedly. She was in diapers when she came to me in March because she REFUSED to use the toilet at night. It wasn't that she can't, she just said that it was "easier" to pee herself or her bed. 3 weeks ago, she got mad at me for grounding her (She didn't even start a HUGE report that she was given 2 weeks to do.) So mad that she flipped out on me, screaming, spitting, and even FLIPPED ME OFF. Needless to say, there were consequences. She got sentences for disrespect and her grounding extended. Ever since, she has started peeing herself purposely (she literally stood in front of me, looked me in the eye and said "I just peed." Really? This has now happened 4 times in 3 weeks. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL FOLKS. She has resumed bed wetting after having none for 4.5 months. And what's worse is that she doesn't wet the bed at night...she does it in the morning when she gets up. She pees in her bed, gets up, walks down the hall, and goes into the bathroom to shower! There is no accident in that. She tells me she does it. She tells me with a big grin on her face, like it is funny. Now, as if that isn't bad enough, her little sister came to me yesterday and told me that she saw Hippie peeing on their bedroom floor! EWWW! When I confronted Hippie about it, she just shrugged her shoulders and said "So? It wasn't the first time." ERRRGG!!! She confessed that for the past couple weeks, she has been peeing on her floor because she "wants to." I shampoo carpets EVERY Wednesday come rain or shine, so there is no smell build up (I have 4 dogs, shampooing is a must.). I didn't realize she was peeing on the floor for the past few weeks because I was shampooing, and her bed smelled like pee anyway (despite scrubbing) because of her wetting daily. I am disgusted. Appalled. Her sister refuses to sleep in their room. I moved her into my nursery temporarily. I already called my agency, and they are at a loss for what to do either. I told them I am done. No more waiting. Get her moved ASAP. They said they will try in the next few days, and asked if I would keep her sister temporarily (special needs are harder to place) until they found somewhere for both of them. Any ideas in the meantime? I stuck her rear end in a diaper, and made her scrub the area she was using as a bathroom, but I am FUMING and have no idea what to do in the meantime. Any experience with this issue? Advice? :grr:
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Good oggly moogly! Sending you a big hug! Your not alone.I had a 4 and 5 year old that peed when angry or just because until they were 6 and 8! Here’s what worked.1. “I PEED” - kid “OK.” - me Then I walk away and ignore it. Peeing is to make me upset because something has upset them. Me ignoring the announcement takes the fun out of it.2. Pee cloths go in the trash at the end of the day before shower time. All of the pee cloths, even shoes if it’s peed in. Kids throw the cloths in the trash themselves. Momma doesn’t play in pee.3. Pee cloths get replaced with ugly cheap cloths from yard sales or the thrift store. Ugly can mean just something they don’t like. One of my babies hates purple the other must have sparkles on everything. Pee cloths are not pretty. Clean nice cloths are pretty. They have to wait until they haven’t peed for a month to get any new pretty cloths.4. Pee beds are cleaned by the kids. The new sheets are put on by the kids and pee sheet go in the washer. We ended up having to buy “ugly” sheets at one point when they both tag-team-peed us for a three week stretch! But after a month they got the pretty sheets back.5. If you pee out of anger or just for fun you carry a diaper bag with an extra pair of cloths and a diaper. The Pee-body carries this bag around for a whole week!The idea is to make the peeing bothersome for only them. It is an issue for them not you, so you have to pretend to not even notice the pee. When it get annoying for them and they get no reaction from you they stop. ... eventually.
Omg I'm sooo glad I'm not alone! FS10 started doing this a while ago and I only just figured this out when I almost threw up in his room. He swore he didn't know he was doing it to the Dr she said get a camera in case hes sleepwalking because safety issue (he was doing it a foot from his bed ew). Well didn't get camera yet and lo and behold new peed on carpet in hallway because the smell again and it wasn't in his room so I told him my friend is coming to visit and I don't think he wants to explain to him what the smell is and he better tell me because it will be worse if I find it. So he tells his 8yr old sister and she tells me. So it's bedtime at this point and I told him get the carpet and take it outside and hang on the porch, much to his dismay, and he incredulously says but its bedtime well maybe you shouldn't pee on my floors. My house was built in 1890 and the wood floors are original, his floor has been peed on in same spot since April maybe march so it's deep in the wood. I always wear shoes on feet so I never noticed the carpet was wet but the smell was awful. I had a friend doing work in my house and he couldn't figurebout the smell he chalked it up to the prior bat issue i had and I said that ain't bats if I didn't know better I'd say it was pee..and it was. I made hi clean it up and after school tomorrow before his baseball game he is going to scrub this carpet, I did the other this ones on him. Tpr is about to happen the kids have asked me to adopt them and he knows I won't throw him away so I'm not sure where this is coming from. They dont know about tpr they just know mom lied and did nothing and now no contact allowed. Calling pediatrician in morning, therapist is on it and I'm at a loss. Think I'm going to my friends coffee shop for caffeine and prayers and adult convos in the morning. Have y'all gotten the kiddos past This? His sister has been the issue and I'm wondering did I miss something? He was at sleep away camp and didn't do it so he can refrain. One tired mama. BTW I've been a mom 40yrs and fostering in different capacities since 2002 and this is a first for me. Raised 4 bio sons and never had pee on floor. Ugh
Good oggly moogly! Sending you a big hug! Your not alone.I had a 4 and 5 year old that peed when angry or just because until they were 6 and 8! Here’s what worked.1. “I PEED” - kid “OK.” - me Then I walk away and ignore it. Peeing is to make me upset because something has upset them. Me ignoring the announcement takes the fun out of it.2. Pee cloths go in the trash at the end of the day before shower time. All of the pee cloths, even shoes if it’s peed in. Kids throw the cloths in the trash themselves. Momma doesn’t play in pee.3. Pee cloths get replaced with ugly cheap cloths from yard sales or the thrift store. Ugly can mean just something they don’t like. One of my babies hates purple the other must have sparkles on everything. Pee cloths are not pretty. Clean nice cloths are pretty. They have to wait until they haven’t peed for a month to get any new pretty cloths.4. Pee beds are cleaned by the kids. The new sheets are put on by the kids and pee sheet go in the washer. We ended up having to buy “ugly” sheets at one point when they both tag-team-peed us for a three week stretch! But after a month they got the pretty sheets back.5. If you pee out of anger or just for fun you carry a diaper bag with an extra pair of cloths and a diaper. The Pee-body carries this bag around for a whole week!The idea is to make the peeing bothersome for only them. It is an issue for them not you, so you have to pretend to not even notice the pee. When it get annoying for them and they get no reaction from you they stop. ... eventually.