milk's coming in, but DD's not ready!

I would imagine that attempting to or actually breastfeeding a foster child without consent could be construed as a lewed act with a minor or some other charge depending on the jurisdiction you live in. It is a big deal for a non-parent to breastfeed a child since you can be passing along disease such as HIV, Hepatitis, etc. As for the initial post: if the child is 33 months old...this is actually the time that most children will wean themselves if they haven't already. I get the impression that "mom" believes it is necessary for bonding with the child...although I advocate for breast feeding, not everyone can and instead of forcing the "baby" she should use other methods for bonding.

I agree -- and I am an extreme attachment advocate! I think at this age, much attachment work can be done with a bedtime bottle, snuggling, games, swimming, infant massage, food related attachment work and of course, minimizing separations etc. Forcing, or even encouraging breastfeeding at this age is simply going to be damaging and I would assume in most jurisdictions jeopardize placement - certainly before finalization. Toddler adoption is significantly different than infant adoption, and attempting to exactly replicate that process is not considering the best interests of the child.

I agree that nearly 3 is too old for this. In fact, every single adoptee I know finds adoptive breastfeeding at any age to be questionable. We all struggle with the idea that a piece of paper, ie: the adoption decree, changes this from a lewd act into a method of attachment. To the child involved, it is a stranger's breast in their mouth. I bonded just fine with my adoptive mum with cuddles & love.

oh my wow! Like you, I think that has a LOT of negatives & no real positives. Definitely not in the best interest of the child.Leaving this conversation now, before I say something I shouldn't...

I, personally, don't think there is anything questionable about nursing a child who is two and a half. There are moms I have known who have started children nursing, who have been adopted as late as six years old. I know that sounds weird to most Americans, including some women who are breastfeeding advocates. I would have thought it was weird when I was younger, too, before I had the experience of nursing four adopted children until they self-weaned. One of them was still nursing a little bit at 33 months and a little older. When I started nursing him, at two weeks old, I had a goal of nursing for a year, and would have thought it strange to nurse him until he was three but, when it happened, it didn't feel strange at all. A decade earlier, when my first niece self-weaned at 10 months, her mother was quite distressed and trying to get her to return to it. I thought "Well, that's plenty of time for her to nurse!". 20 years later, when my youngest child self-weaned at 20 months, I thought "No, not all ready!" So, I understand some of the shock in those of you who aren't familiar with the idea of a child who is years old breastfeeding. I also understand the concern over the child being a foster child, since social workers might think it was some kind of deviant behavior to want to nurse a foster or adopted child of any age. Throughout history of mankind, most children have been breastfed for years and not months. Presently, except for industrialized countries, that is still the case. The World Health Organization advises the children be breastfed for a minimum of two years, and preferably longer.An adopted child who is coming to his/her home at an older age is very high risk for attachment disorders, especially if the child has come from a situation where they haven't been attached to anyone. Most of the situations I am familiar with where a child started nursing when he/she was more than three years old were cases where the child had been in an orphanage in a foreign country, where the workers were spread thinly and infants were fed with large nipple holes, so that they would require the least time possible. Those children are often developed quite normally in some ways, but very immature and distant, emotionally. Breastfeeding has worked wonders for them, whether they were even getting milk or not. Its like the nurturing they didn't get when they were infants left a deficit that can be made up for, to a large extent, if they get it later. I know that many experts recommend that such children be bottle fed and rocked, like babies. I am certainly not asking that everyone consider nursing a child who is two and a half years old, or more, but I am asking that everyone try to be open minded.

I would unequivocally state, and believe the vast majority of experts would concur, that there are ZERO additional benefits to inducing breastfeeding in a 3 year old child that could not be achieved through bottle feeding and skin to skin contact in other forms and that the risk of harm to a child of attempting to induce or force breastfeeding as a means to attachment for a child of that age is significant, particularly a child with a history in foster care. Attachment obviously needs work, and I am a huge advocate of that -- HOWEVER breastfeeding is not the cure all for attachment. And honestly, I would question the motivations and mental health perspectives of a mother who feels it is necessary to BEGIN breastfeeding a 3 year old. I believe in regression, I believe in babying, I believe in bottle feeding a newly placed toddler, I believe in feeding a toddler, and lots of water play (swimming/bathing when appropriate etc). BUT I do feel that inducing breastfeeding for a preschool aged child crosses the line from appropriate and healthy to maladjusted and far more about the need of the parent than the child.

I've been watching the thread and I 100% agree with everything Jensboys has to say.Also, I have never, in all my years in and around the foster care system heard of a FOSTER parent being allowed to breastfeed foster child. Regardless of their age. In fact, someone in our training classes asked about it and they said it would like be cause for an immediate revocation of a foster license. To the OP: Please, PLEASE read and think about what everyone here is saying. You will likely cause HARM to the child you have been caring for and may lose your ability to foster altogether.

Continuing to breast feed a child at almost three is an entirely different than starting a child who has never been nursed at that age. Children that age are usually learning how to eat solid foods and need solid foods. This is when they naturally begin to ween themselves and nurse less and less as they develop self feeding skills. There are other ways to work on attachment.

I believe in breastfeeding, I believe that children should be breastfed for as long as they want it. It is unfair to throw the WHO recommendations into this debate as they are talking about biological mothers breastfeeding their biological children from birth to at least age 2 years and it is particularly important in developing countries where it is the best nutritional option for babies. There is nothing on the WHO website about adoptive breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is recommended because of the nutrition and because of the antibodies that the mother can pass on to the child - these antibodies are different for each person so this does not apply to adoptive breastfeeding. To imply that it seems weird to us because we are from the West is wrong - I don't think that women in Africa start breastfeeding children when they are 6 years old, only adoptive mothers in the West do this and it is about their desire to bond, not about what is best for the child. There are other, better ways to bond with an adopted child.

So, as a technical note, you can be on Dom for months on end without suffering engorgement or pain or trouble of that nature. What causes those sensations is the creation of more milk than your breast can comfortably hold, and that only happens when your body has been signaled to create a bunch of milk by emptying of the breasts and/or nipple stimulation. You can stay on the meds you're on and you may occasionally leak a few drops, but if you don't start pumping or breastfeeding, the volume of your supply will remain tiny. That said, just make sure that if your toddler doesn't want to start on the breast, you don't pressure her to do so. Some kids never take to it. And, obviously, if this is a foster situation, heed the legalities.

I just want to say that I take issue with the idea that my disagreement with breastfeeding older children stems from my not being familiar with it. I am very familiar with the concept and the data. The WHO data is based off of data that spans the globe, therefore their data is skewed by statistics from developing countries where extended breastfeeding literally makes the difference between life & death, due to lack of adequate food supply.When that is not that case, there is simply no need to breastfeed that long. As children develop and naturally move through their milestones, if they are nurtured to move through those stages, they typically self-wean as they progress from baby to toddler. Of all the extended breastfeeding pairs that I know, without fail, children nursing past 2 years were doing so because they were either being infantilized (treated as infants, rather than toddlers) or the mother had a co-dependency issues...or, in many cases, both. It doesn't serve the child's best interest, in most cases to nurse beyond that point.

NDN, you are entitled to your opinion, although I disagree with much of it. I'm a bit curious as to how you came to your conclusions, but I won't ask. As far as the WHO data, it is based on such things as the immune factors in breast milk and the lack of clean water supplies in developing nations. However, I don't think the WHO is suggesting that mothers should do something that they feel will harm their children psychologically. I have been in touch with the OP of this thread. She has been very hurt by the accusations and insulting suggestions that have been made. She wasn't even spoken to, she was talked about! By the way, they have finalized the child's adoption. She just hadn't changed it on her signature, yet. I don't recognize some of you as having taken part in this discussion before. If others want to come and contribute to the discussion in some way, that is great, but I don't think coming here (or going to any forum) just to criticize someone who came here for information and support is appropriate.

As you can tell I have been a member of this forum almost since the beginning, certainly before it was "THIS" forum. I am entrenched in the attachment parenting community and have EXTENSIVE experience with older child adoption, attachment etc. I have also breastfed. And most certainly, 100% I believe that attempting to induce lactation with a pre-schooler is not in the CHILD'S best interests. If the OP believes otherwise, she is entitled to do proceed, but I would be failing in my duty to contribute on this forum in an honest manner if I stated that I believed what she was doing was in anyway, shape or form helpful for her child. In the same way, today I told a parent on another thread she shouldn't be leaving her 3 year old in a daycare setting after only 6 weeks home because THAT would be detrimental to the child. Might not be the answer the OP wants to hear, but that doesn't mean it isn't accurate. The child is 3 -- she shouldn't be focusing on artificially breastfeeding the preschool age child but focusing on appropriate forms of attachment and healing. She is quite liable to induce further trauma -- and as she said herself, the child is NOT wanting to breastfeed with her.

I am a mother, breastfeeding advocate & attachment parent. I have nursed 3 children, 2 of whom self-weaned. I came to my conclusions through my work in those circles, reading extensive studies in the areas of breastfeeding, child development & attachment, studying developmental psychology, speaking with therapists & experts in these areas about this particular issue, etc. I also have experience in helping form attachment with a child adopted as a toddler, in our case a child that was believed to be incapable of attachment.I fully agree with everything that Jen said in her last post. I feel it is counterproductive to the stated goal and not in the best interest of the child. I'm sorry if that hurts her, but it is what it is. And, for the record, my original post did speak TO her, not about her.

NDN & Jensboys, don't worry, I'm fairly certain that noelani2's comment was directed at me since I don't post as much as you and only joined the forum this year, although I don't see why that makes my view less valid, after all, I have been an adoptee for 40 years so am fairly experienced in the adoption world. If the OP had clarified her situation, the members who answered her question would have known that the potential problems of breastfeeding a foster child were not an issue anymore. I stand by my comments.