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Before my daughter was adopted we went to therapy for about a year. I stopped it after the adoption because she was doing a lot better and I didn't want her thinking she had more issues than she does.
So things went well in kindergarten at the daycare but now she is has moved to catholic 1st grade and started getting notes right away, "not listenting, giving the teacher dirty looks". Then they found out she was adopted and even thought her behavior had greatly improved off she went to the school counselor.
At this point there hadn't been notes in weeks. The counselor said she seemed to be doing fine. Then yesterday as I'm rushing to get out the door I find out she had seen the counselor again. Nobody told me.
Anyway turns out she is on a weekly schedule even though no notes in more than three weeks. So today I called the counselor and told her i didn't want her seeing her because everything was improved and I didn't want her thinking there was something wrong with her. The counselor sounded annoyed.
Well tonight my daughter tells me she got a note because she "stomped her feet and gave the teacher a dirty look". No issues in weeks and the minute I tell the counselor no thank you this happens. Then my daughter tells me the counselor had come by and told her she wasn't allowed to see her anymore because I said she wasn't allowed.
So much for doing better. I don't know if I should have her go back to the counselor or not. She had meetings with her without telling me and I really don't like that she told her I said she wasn't allowed to see her. I don't like that she talked to her at all when I told her not to meet with her.
Any thoughts on this one? I really don't want her doing back to any counseling. I think the teacher just needs to follow through on some discipline. Not to mention what teacher sends home a note on Halloween? A kid would have to do something more serious than dirty look and stomping. I've worked in daycares myself and it is pretty much expected for the kids to act up on days like this. Not that she isn't guilty but I would have overlooked that on Halloween.
What did the teacher expect me to do about it five hours or more later on Halloween night? Anyway should I kiss you know what and ask the counselor to see her or just wait and see if she gets some more notes?
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Many adoptive families find that they need to 'check back in with the therapist' from time to time. Beginning school again, and going from K to 1st, might be big enough changes that your Dd is feeling ... stress? anxiety? unsettled? Did you like the therapist with whom you met before? Can you touch base again with them?I would not be happy if my child were seeing someone who was counseling them without my knowledge or permission. Period. I'd find out from the counselor what, exactly, she said to your Dd because hearing it second hand from a youngster is not always the most accurate source. (But still, whatever the counselor SAID, what your Dd HEARD was "my mommy won't allow it".) Sounds like you need to set up better communication lines with the teacher, the principal, and the counselor.
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I would be rather upset about not being informed that my 5 or 6 years old was seeing the school counselor.
But I do think if it is helping your daughter, you should look into continuing it (though I can understand if you mistrust the school), or setting her up with someone you choose outside of school.
I think you have two distinct issues here. First whether or not your DD needs to see a therapist-- she may, as someone posted, it could be anxiety, change in grade, etc. But the school one isn't your only option and may not be the best. Second issue is the therapist at school and your and your DD's relationship with that particular person. It sounds like your DD was adopted a little older-- I would be hugely worried about attachment issues and what kind of relationship she is developing with that school therapist (not suggesting that she is inappropriate, just saying that if she doesn't have respect for attachment issues, it may not be a healthy relationship for your DD to have if she needs to be attaching to you). And no, she ought not be seeing a counselor at school when you don't know! I would be furious and would need to figure out if it would even be possible for me to get over that level of distrust. At a minimum I'd demand a meeting with the teacher, principal, and counselor and expect that a contract would be written up. Honestly, I'd probably strongly consider changing schools...but after having lived through 3.5 school years of he** with a RAD kid and an inappropriate school, I have exceedingly little tolerance and even less expectation of change in that environment. But take that for what it's worth-- I'll admit to being a little, um lot, biased...
I agree with Saranbr. I do NOT want my kids seeing any counselor without my knowledge, permission, or presence! These kids have histories that the counselors are not aware of, traumas that they (counselors) can exacerbate, triangulation potentials, attachment issues that they can unwittingly interfere with, etc.
I would be HOT!!! and making a trip into that school to let them know it! :bullwhip:
That being said, if you want or feel your child needs a little -or even a lot - of therapy, you initiate that with a professional of your choosing, who has experience with traumatized kids, who will take a DETAILED history, and come up with a plan that YOU are aware of and agree to, and preferably attend with her.
If they are having problems with her behavior that their little classroom rules can't handle, then they can set up a meeting with you and you all can brainstorm some solutions.
I wouldn't kiss anyone's butt, they better be kissing mine!
:cowboy:
So far another week with no notes. Everything seems relatively fine, she is improving with her school work and still in a good mood about school. If things keep up I will just put that slip down to Halloween excitement.
I didn't take ending her counseling with her therapist lightly but we both agreed that things were continuing to improve. Her therapist was supportive about ending. That is one of the things I liked about her, my daughter's social worker said she didn't keep kids when it wasn't necessary. Basically she said we would revisit it if necessary.
As far as the school counselor, I remember mine, who is still the school counselor at another school and she didn't know much of anything. I was a little worried about the attachment thing but mostly I was worried about her messing where she doesn't really have the experience. All this seemed to get started the minute they found out "ADOPTED FROM FOSTER CARE".
Parent teacher conference is the 20th and I'm going to let things die down hopefully until then. As long as nothing else happens with the counselor I'm just going to shut up for now.
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I'm pretty sure things are okay because mostly my daughter is in a good mood. However, another note tonight. I made the mistake of saying the punishment before seeing it. My neices were over and told me before we picked up my daughter they weren't going anywhere with us this weekend because they were going out with this friend of theirs. I had forgotten they had been talking about their birthday party and I had thought it had been cancelled.
Anyway when I heard about the note I told my daughter, "that is it, you are not going anywhere with . . . ". Knowing they had something else to do anyway. They screamed what about the party?. So I was trapped and couldn't take it back. I'm pretty sure their party has been all but cancelled because their parents are going to a baptism but I looked really mean. I thought what the heck, she has got to take these notes serious.
Then I read the note, T didn't pack up her stuff when the teacher said and her friends had to wait for her. Ughhhhhh! A note for that? Later that night she tells me somebody's older brother set off the fire alarm. Wonder what they are going to do to that kid and I'm so glad that wasn't mine.