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I had left her a message on facebook, well, several messages and after about a year she resoponded. I had wished her a happy birthday a month early and she responded and got a conversation going. But then I blundered again and started talking about the past and how this church, the same church she probably still goes to treated me badly through the whole ordeal of her birth. She said she just needed the answers to two questions, one of them being what was the name of her biological father. Why do people want to call us that: biological? It seems like such a put down. Is that all we are? After about two years of communicating w/me off and on on facebook she decided to take herself off facebook and close her account. I was hurt because we had some good communication going on for a while. This summer I got two or three messages from her and I was just thrilled but then she decided to close her facebook account. All I can think is that maybe she wanted more privacy and she didn't want to have to deal with all the negative "I was so mistreated" stuff that surrounded the event of her birth. But I have decided to just pray for her and move on. I may not know all the reasons she decided to put an end to the conversations. But I have to move on from here and just be glad she is happy and safe. And she may saprize me again with a phonecall or letter...(I have her mailing address). You never know what possibilities there are for the future. Rhonda
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I'm so sorry.Your daughter may well be a very strong member of her denomination, and it may have been very difficult for her to hear you say negative things about it.It may have rocked her world and shaken her faith. Please don't hold it against her for calling you her birth mother. That is what has been instilled in most of us adoptees since birth. I don't believe she is trying to hurt you with those words. It's just the term she learned. I do hope that you gave her her biological father's name.The door has been opened. One day she may be ready to walk through it again.
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L4R, Thank you for your responce. It is hard for me to get past the anger . sometimes I do for a while and feel like I can foregive. There is one person in my family who was the one who coerced me into giving my daughter up and she still will rub my face in it and hatefuly say cruel things to me about the adoption that she forced me into. I have been telling everyone else my anger but I have not told her until yesterday how I felt. I guess some of my anger was coming through my messages to my daughter and I even said something that was totaly wrong when you are trying to reunite. I told her to tell her parents that their marriage which was a divorce and remairrage relationship was wrong in the eyes of God. Maybe I should have not told them that or at least waited until I was out of danger of getting myself into the same situation because we all are so vulnerable. I'm saprised she has decided to talk to me this much after what I said, which was a totaly unforegivable thing to say.
BMTexas
I had left her a message on facebook, well, several messages and after about a year she resoponded. I had wished her a happy birthday a month early and she responded and got a conversation going. But then I blundered again and started talking about the past and how this church, the same church she probably still goes to treated me badly through the whole ordeal of her birth.
BMTexas
uh, I think it was already stated that I did wrong with telling her parents their marriage wasn't right. What of you here for? To harrass me or what? This thread was going fine until you get on here telling me I need a therapist! Get lost!
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O.K. Sorry crazy woman, it's just people in America are so quick to suggest that I'm crazy. I have just been through alot in my life and I need to work through some stuff and part of the "therapy" is done right here on these forums. Also, from personal experience every time I feel anything: anger, sorrow, nervousness, lack of concentration people, espec. my family are so quick to get on the " you need a psyc. doctor" bandwagon . This country has become a country of "crazy" people and the system is raking in people for no apparant reason other than they are greiving over the loss of a loved one, or like in one lady's case she was held at gun point as someone robbed her and she was experiencing some scared feelings after that so off to the psyc. hospital she goes and they made her loose the baby she was carrying. The doctors will lie about you in court to keep you in the hospital and there is NO getting out until you are "thinking" exactly how they want you to. The whole mess just makes me mad and I think there should be lawsuites over this.
BMTexas,Just give your daughter time. The fact that she forgave you for insulting her a-parents means that she is a very forgiving person. We are all flawed, and we all make mistakes. My recommendation to you from here on out is to focus on the positives with your daughter and her adoptive family. That's her life. When you put down her parents, it also probably feels like an attack on her.Come here to vent your frustrations but hold off on any additional venting with your daughter. Maybe one day your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the truth as you saw it. Now is probably not that time.My gut feeling is that she will probably reconnect with you, but you will need to stay positive to keep the connection going.