Always Need Supplementer? & Non Supportive Spouse

Nursing is natural, and from the child's nutritional point of view, it doesn't matter whether he/she is bio or adopted; he/she still needs the nutrients and bonding time. The most complete food for a newborn is breast milk, and if you can provide it and your baby can tolerate it, you've got an ideal situation, regardless of whether the baby "looks like" you or came out of your womb. Now, that being said, some women cannot manage to induce lactation, and some babies, especially those adopted well after birth, will reject breast feeding. For those women and infants, formula becomes the only viable option. I am a little concerned by your husband's attitude. It seems that he has some racial attitudes that could wind up causing problems as your child gets older. It also seems that he isn't as comfortable with adoption as you are. He might benefit from some counseling, if he'll go. Sharon

Not everyone needs a supplementer. Some don't use one at all. It will really depend on how much milk you make. If you find that baby switches back and forth from breast to bottle easily, you can have formula on hand to add water to and finish a feeding with a few ounces of formula if you don't like the supplementer.It would be nice to have your husband's support. His comments do not seem racial or against adoption to me at all. If one is breastfeeding a baby of a different race, it is much more likely people will take note and be unsupportive. Adoptive breastfeeding isn't exactly the norm and is very controversial to some people. It sounds to me like he doesn't think breastfeeding is that big of a deal to begin with and doesn't want to take on all of the drama that can come with it when the child is adopted (something that will be pretty obvious when breastfeeding in public if the baby is of a different race). It would be nice if you were on the same page about it, because you probably will run into some less than supportive people and it would be nice if your husband had your back.

Thanks ladies. Usisarah I had not thought about nursing and then finishing a feeding with formula. That is a really good idea. That would make nursing out in public easier. We have an active 6 year old so I keep thinking about being at his baseball games and soccer and basketball games and trying to nurse with a supplementer. I can't see me being able to pull that one off! But if I used your idea that would work! Thanks! I do want to clarify that my Dh's objection has nothing to do with the race of the child...I only added that because it is an added challenge nursing in public potentially. I have a friend who is getting flack for giving her adopted son donated breast milk. Bottom line whether our child is adopted or biological my husband just doesn't see nursing as a have to. Plus, from a medical background he is concerned about the composition of the breast milk induced lactation produces especially if one uses medication to do so. We all know that breast milk changes as our babies grow and is tailored specifically for the baby....but wonders if the same will hold true when inducing lactation. Thanks again!

I've been having major problems with my computer and lost a long post I was working on, so I will try again! I have a lot to say about this issue because I've spent a total of ten years nursing six adopted children. I've also been doing what I can to help other adoptive mothers with breastfeeding, since 1989. I just kind of fell into it, when La Leche League Leaders I knew would hear from someone who was trying to adopt, and wanted to breastfeed, they would give her my number. When I got online, in 1996, I was able to join with other experienced moms to help more new moms than I could have otherwise. At one time, I was starting on a research project which, unfortunately, I wasn't able to get very far with, due to serious health problems. Whether to use the Lact-Aid or supplement with bottles depends on a couple of things. One is how your body responds to the domperidone and pumping. If you are producing enough milk that you only need to supplement a little bit, supplementing with bottles works a lot better than if you are only producing a few ounces a day. Many kids will not do the deep, nutritive suckling if they are not getting much milk from the breast. If you do use bottles, it is preferable to use a slow flow nipple. It also depends on what you want out of it. If you are mostly interested in helping with bonding and getting a few ounces of breast milk a day, and would not mind if it only lasted for a few months, you can supplement with bottles and then nurse primarily for comfort. That is what I ended up doing with my first two kids, born in 1983 and 1986. I really wanted to nurse full time and keep nursing for at least a year. It was pretty far short of my goals, but it was the best I could do with the limited knowledge and support that I had at the time, and I was thankful for the time we had. If you want to have a long-term breastfeeding relationship, and to produce as much milk as you can, unless you are pumping quite a bit beforehand, it is really better to start out with the Lact-Aid. It takes a little practice, but is very manageable. I did that, starting with my third child. I never knew more than a few days before, that I was getting them. I basically just started out nursing with the Lact-Aid, on demand, and was producing drops after a few days of that. It also depends on your baby. My last one, for example, refused to have anything to do with a bottle or pacifier, after the first time I nursed her. She wanted to nurse and that was that! Some kids are happy to go back and forth between breast and bottle, although they do tend to insist on the breast if they are not feeling well and are more in need of comfort than food. My first experience with that was when my oldest had his first immunizations. He screamed all that night and ran a high fever. By that time, he had been feeding with bottles and just nursing for comfort. All that night, he refused his bottle, but wanted to nurse, without the Lact-Aid, the whole night. That made me feel like I was finally a mother, after nine years of struggle. Like one adoptive nursing mother told me, "You can give anyone's baby a bottle, but you only nurse your own." Before I forget, I did allow my last four babies to have one small bottle a day, if I needed it (and they would take it). I did that to keep it from being overwhelming, especially since I had other children to take care of. I limited it to four ounces a day, though. I was afraid that if I didn't decide on a limit, it would be too tempting to use bottles so often that it would jeopardize the long-term breastfeeding relationship and milk supply I had worked so hard for. I usually used the bottle in the car, while we were shopping, etc.. If there was a day that I didn't need it, I didn't use it, but just having given myself permission to use it if I needed it made the whole thing less stressful. My last four kids self-weaned, at an average of about two years. I didn't have access to domperidone. I used herbs with my fifth child, and he was the one I produced the most milk for. I estimated that I produced up to 16 ounces a day for him. He was a huge baby, so he needed a great deal more. With my sixth child, I couldn't use the herbs because both the capsules and tea had started burning my stomach. Later on, I started to wonder if swallowing the fenugreek seeds whole would be better, because they would stay intact until they got beyond my stomach. I tried it out and it worked fine. Some kids will insist on having the Lact-Aid there, even when they no longer need the supplement from it. They can be very picky about what brings them comfort. Two of my four long-time nursers insisted on having it there all the time. The other two stopped using it once they were taking other foods and liquids. My last child, at ten months old, decided that she didn't want the Lact-Aid anymore. She moved the tube and latched on, and nursed for another ten months, without it. As far as your husband, I would think that he would get over his concerns pretty easily, once he sees that it is manageable. He could help you, too, by cleaning and filling Lact-Aids for you. My ex-husband, also an MD, never washed or filled a single Lact-Aid, but I've known of quite a few fathers who were willing to help. Also, since he is one of the many people to say that it seems unnatural, I would ask him this; what is less natural, for a human baby to suckle a human breast, getting some amount of human milk, or a human baby suckling a rubber or silicone nipple, getting only something based on milk from a cow or a bean? For the baby, the fact that he isn't getting his entire diet from the breast makes no difference. His experience is exactly the same as that of a baby whose bio mom is nursing him. Three of my long-term nursers are black or biracial. I felt like it gave them a little extra security in my love and devotion for them. I nursed them in public, but it rarely seemed to attract attention. I didn't use a cover, but I wore a top that I could lift up from the waist, just enough for them to latch on. I also tried to find a place to sit that was near a wall, or something like that. People usually thought I was just holding a sleeping baby. There was one time that really puzzled some people, though. When I picked up my full black son, Joseph, in another state, I took my black/white biracial son, Thomas, with me. Thomas was four and half and very proud of his new brother. One time, we were in McDonald's eating. Joseph was sitting in his car seat, where people could see him. He's not one of those black people who look like they could have a white parent, at all. An older couple sitting next to us, watching us quite closely, were shocked when Thomas announced proudly, "My mom nurses our baby!". Well, I have tried not to make this too long, but it is still pretty long! I hope I haven't bored you or repeated things! I've had two of my grandkids here, too. They are distracting, but a wonderful distraction! Best wishes on your adoption! Darillyn noelani54@hotmail.com

As to the question of "naturalness" and in response to the quote "you only nurse your own" - remember that we are less than a century out from the widespread use of wet nurses. It was absolutely commonplace 100 years ago for a baby to be nursed by someone other than his/her biological parent. I don't know if that will convince your husband, but it's certainly not unnatural (in the long scheme of things) or outside the US to nurse a baby you did not give birth to.I'm not going to bag on anyone's medical decisions - so please don't read this that way. This is just a gentle reminder that the point of the Birth Control Pills in the Newman-Goldfarb protocol is to convince your body that it is pregnant (the high progesterone does that) so that it will grow lactation tissues in your breasts and so that the milk you produce when you stop those hormones is as much like newborn milk as possible. If the age-appropriateness of the milk is a serious concern, maybe a modified version of the protocol (I'm assuming you have some medical issue with the hormones) using a progesterone-only pill or a low-dose pill might get the job done, if you can tolerate it. That said, my understanding from forums like this one is that the baby's age is signaled to your body by pheromones in his/her saliva, so the milk's customization for baby's age is not completely dependent on the protocol you use to bring in your supply. Again, I'm not trying to tell you you're doing anything wrong, just remind you that there's a solid reason for that particular component of the protocol. I think that for women who've nursed bio children it's less crucial than for women who've never been pregnant, since the tissues have already grown. I nursed my two transracially adopted babies in public all the time, using a Lact-Aid (I never had a full supply) and never got any negative attention for it. Lots of curiosity, though. I did usually wear a cover (highly recommend the Hooter Hider, or Bebe Au Lait style! for access to the Lact-Aid and to keep baby from feeling smothered) or a shirt that served the same function. I was a coach for a rugby team during this time, and nursed my baby with the Lact-Aid when he was hungry - if that meant nursing while I walked and talked to the team, that's what I did. I agree that topping off with a bottle would likely be easier if you didn't need a free hand, but I just want to assure you that you can absolutely be out and active and use a Lact-Aid just fine. I liken using a Lact-Aid to tying shoes or riding a bike. You didn't pick it up the first time you tried, but after a little practice it's totally second nature and you can do it anywhere, even in challenging conditions. :) If you're going to be using a Lact-Aid while out and about, you really want a good cooler to keep the bags upright. I found the one that came with my Medela Pump N Style to be absolutely perfect, especially with the ice pack it came with that was notched along the sides. Here's a link to a knock-off since Medela doesn't seem to sell the cooler separately any more: [url=http://www.amazon.com/Bottle-Breastmilk-Storage-Lansinoh-Storage/dp/B0052PM09M/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1354565443&sr=8-2-fkmr0&keywords=Pump+N+Style+Cooler]Amazon.com: Bottle Cooler Bag and Ice Packs for Breastmilk Storage. Can Fit Into Medela Pump-in-style Carry Bag, and Can Hold Upto 5 Lansinoh Breastmilk Storage Bags: Everything Else[/url]Also, I asked my wife to give the babies one bottle a day, especially in the very early sleepless-nights phases. I would nap through that feeding, which was good for me, and it allowed my wife to get the bonding/nurturing experience of feeding the babies. She also volunteered to do the Lact-Aid cleaning and filling every day, which was a great help. Even if your husband isn't completely on board, you might be able to enlist some help with the logistics in the interest of fair division of labor.Best of luck!

Noelani2: I am so sorry that I have not posted in reply to your response. I greatly appreciate the time you took to respond and the information you provided me. I know how long it takes sometimes to write long responses like you did. Thank you very much for the information I found it very helpful! Thalasshaya: I really was not aware or hadn't given a lot of thought to the points you brought up about the Newman Goldfarb protocol with the bcp. And I had not read anything about the baby's suckling chaning the composition of breast milk. This is great information for me to pass along to my husband! I really don't want to do the version of the protocol using bcp because I get psycho on the pill. And I would be on it during the holidays and I don't want to ruin our holidays! Me and the bcp just don't get along at all! I do have left over progesterone suppositories that I could use though....may have to look into that more. Good information from you...thank you!!!!

Thanks, amm820. I'm glad you found some of it useful! As far as the quote, "You only nurse your own" the mom I was quoting was one of us who'd suffered through many years of failed attempts to have or adopt a baby. It had nothing to do with milk production, it was about having a child who recognized her as mother and whom only she could provide the comfort of nurturing at her breast. As far as the Newman/Goldfarb protocol, I kind of act as the devil's advocate on that because it has been so heavily promoted, and there has been both correct and incorrect, information about it. Yes, it can give someone a larger milk supply than she might have otherwise. However, I've known moms who have been on it for months and months, even up to a year or more, spent months pumping around the clock, and never got more than a total of 2-4 ounces a day. I've also known moms who've spent a few months pumping and taking domperidone who have not needed to supplement at all. AND I've known many who have not used any kind of medication, just started nursing on demand with the Lact-Aid or SNS, who were providing the benefits of some amount of breast milk after a very short time, and were able to dispense with supplements, once their babies were taking some other foods. I've heard from, or heard about, quite a few mothers who said that they wanted to breastfeed, but they couldn't, because they hadn't had enough notice that they were getting a baby to be able to do the protocol first, or couldn't take BCPs for health reasons. They had read or been told that being on the protocol first was a requirement, to nurse an adopted baby. I've known more than one who had newborns placed with them, who were told they needed to bottle feed formula for a month, because they had to do the accelerated protocol or they wouldn't produce any milk, when they would have done much better skipping the BCPs all together and started nursing that newborn on demand as soon as he/she was in her arms. Others have heard that one didn't absolutely have to use the protocol, but that if they didn't, it was very unlikely that they would produce milk, when it is actually very unlikely that they won't produce milk. I just want everyone to know all of this, so that they can make an informed decision. The protocol has only been around for a little more than a decade, but women have been nursing adopted babies throughout history. I'm happy for those who have used it, and had great milk supplies. But I don't want anyone to think that it's a necessity, that it guarantees a great milk supply, or to feel like they aren't doing everything they should, if they don't use it. As far as the composition of the milk, I can assure you that babies do very well on the milk their adoptive moms produce, regardless of what means they have used to induce it. Donated milk from a bio mom whose baby is a different age is great, too. Milk banks combine the milk of many moms, whose babies vary in age. I know, just from seeing my own milk, that it changed in composition between when they were nursing full-time and when they were older. My youngest child, a very early talker, told me that my milk taste differently when she was older than it had when she was younger. How is your husband doing with the idea of nursing your baby? I hope he is getting used to the idea, and starting to understand how important it is to you!Thalashaya, I love your comparison of using the Lact-Aid to tying shoes or riding a bike! That's exactly how it is! At first, it can feel like you'll never get it, but just hang in there and you will! I got where I could literally prepare one in the dark, without putting the baby down (although I tried to always had a prepared one ready in the fridge, in advance). I've also spent a lot of time walking around with a baby latched on.

Noelani2 I think you and I are kind of on the same page regarding the protocol. I don't feel like I have to the protocol or even do it exactly as it is laid out. I think if a woman is going to be able to do the induced lactation it will happen or not happen using the protocol or not using it. I do think the domperidone will increase the milk supply. I am of the thought process just try it and see what happens. I got my domperidone yesterday and started it with my progesterone. Unfortunately we have found out some new info on our match that isn't making it look so positive. So I will probabaly get to be on the meds as long as I need to be. As far as my husband...I wouldn't say he is being unsupportive. He knows I have started the meds and ordered the supplementer nursing systems. Last week he said he wasn't thrilled but he knew I was moving forward with it. :) So we shall see! I wish this little baby would get here so I can know which direction I am heading!

No not really i guess its not always needed but yeah women that has this problem they sometimes need it but the healthy ones get enough feed without supplement.So i guess taking care of this all is the thing.

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