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I am new to this forum, and just now beginning to search for my birth parents. I'm in my late thirties now, and have known I was adopted since I was three. When I became twenty-one, I petitioned the court for my non-identifying information and queried the Ohio gov't reunion registry (no release filed). I also signed up for ISRR (which I need to update).
After I received my non-id info, I sat on the information for another fifteen+ years... until this past week, when I came to the realization that I need to find my birth parents before it becomes too late. I want them to know that I grew up happy. I want them to know that I became successful in my profession. I want them to know that they have the most gorgeous grandchildren. I want them to know that a part of me has always missed them deeply.
I want to know them. I want to know their stories, and those of their (my) families. I want to know what makes them laugh, and what makes them cry. I want to know the stories of their good times, and (maybe someday) their not so good times. I want to know and love the people they have become, whoever that may be.
I want them to know that I do not intend to barge into their lives and turn everything upside down. They were kids when I was born. I acknowledge the pressures (internal and external) they must have faced to give me up. I acknowledge the possibility that they never mentioned me to their spouses or other children, and might not want to mention me to them- ever. That doesn't offend me in the least. Times were different then, and old secrets die hard.
I want them to know that I waited all these years to search for them because I was scared. I was scared of messing up their lives. I was scared that they would not want to know me. I was scared they would be angry at me for finding them. I was scared that I would not be good enough for them. I was scared that they would be disappointed in me. I was scared that I might find that they had died. I want them to know that I'm still scared about all of these things, but I'm determined.
I feel a lot better having gotten this out. Thanks.
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Hi JavaMonkey,
Just want to wish you good luck in your search. You've obviously spent a lot of time thinking since getting your nonidentifying info. I hope you can find them quickly.
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Wow.
This brought tears to my eyes.
I always WANTED to search, but held off for so many reasons, many the same as yours.
And it turns out that I *did* leave it too late. I found out today that my birthmother died three years ago.
I sincerely hope that you've reached a happier result...
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Thank you, L4R.
It's actually a huge relief to come across a forum where someone would consider it a loss... For all the support I have from my husband and a few friends, they don't quite understand why I'm feeling such grief.
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emerald, sorry for your loss. I am trying to work up the courage to make contact before it is too late. I'm not even sure if they are still alive. I have already had to bury my a-parents.
Java Monkey, good luck
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I just started the search for my fathers birth parents. He has is info and it was a closed case. We have lots of things that we want to find out. We think about them all the time. As I take care of the elderly I wonder if it could be them. As one time I thought I had clues but because of hippa I will never know if that lady is my the biological mother.
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Hey Java, thanx for sharing your post and bringing to mind what so many of us have thot as we searched.
The other side to searching is that you are a person with goals, dreams and ideas. If something is important you have a right to know.
Some of the search feelings involved have to be about you. Because you didn't search immediately is not a black mark. Many of us have been in the same position.
The truth is that you were afraid and not ready. There are no books or timetables that define for us what we should do in our search.
What ever feelings you have as a searcher, are yours. Try to give yourself the freedom to search to end a great many unknowns.
There is no shame in finding answers to questions that are less than what you hoped for. It happens to all of us who have searched.
If you search and "find" and the re-union goes well, you will feel that you have accomplished a lot.
If the re-union does not go well, at least something can be said for "knowing." That has to be better than wondering. Try to give yourself the freedom to search because it is something you want to do -- this is about you. The other side is that searching will always be a part of you and as time passes it is something that will become increasingly of interest.
I wish you the best.
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Hi Java, beautifully said! I started my search just weeks ago. Maybe turning 60 was the kicker, or maybe a life scare last year started the ball rolling; I'm not sure. Anyways, much of what you expressed are also my feelings. I was born in 1953, times were so different, my bmother must have had a lot of pressure and to give me up for adoption took so much courage. I'm blessed and thankful. Best of luck to you!
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