What to expect when I tell my adoptive parents

I agree with L4R, you shouldn't feel obligated to tell you parents. I was lucky in the sense both my parents were supportive of my search and did meet both birth parents. When I was going through my reunion I was involved in a support group and I would say that it was a fairly even mix of adoptees who told their parents about wanting to search. The reactions from those parents were also split in terms of support or disapointment. My Godmother is also an adoptive mother and when my mom told her I was looking and had found them my Godmother was upset and said she would be hurt if her daughter did it. IMO....the most important thing is that your relationship with your parents doesn't get affected by you searching and possibly meeting your bio family. I'm sure you probably have a few other skeletons in your closet your parents don't know about (I know I sure do....lol) so even though this seems, and is, a big thing for you maybe it isn't so much for your parents. If you want my advise if you are unsure go ahead with meeting you birth father, it seems like he is more interested. Be upfront with him and tell him you may not be ready to tell your parents about what you have done. Also, and this was advise given to me from my support group when I went through it, keep everything positive if you tell him about your family. Assuming you had a good life and your parents did their best, tell him (b/f) that. This will help ease some of his guilt and possible shame he may be feeling. If when you meet him you think you would like to tell your parents but are still unsure try dancing around it a little bit. If you are comfortable enough ask your parents some general questions about your adoption. If they query you on it you can just say you're a little curious and wondered how much information they got or knew when the adoption went through. This way you can test the waters. It is possible your parents are letting you make that choice and not saying anything unless you do. I know it may seem like you have no choice about telling your parents, but you do. You are a grown adult capable of making your own decisions, and chosing not to share something with your family to protect them (and you) is not a bad or wrong choice. This will be one of the hardest things you do, so don't be hasty and take your time. You've waited 42 years, a little bit longer won't hurt