What to do now?

aw, honey. I'm so sorry. I can only imagine It definitely sounds like you need a little break/some space. Is it possible for you to go some place on your own for the weekend (ok, obviously not today, given tomorrow is a holiday, but maybe friday)? Once you get a little breathing room , you can bettter decide what needs to happen next *hugs*

Thank you. I just really needed to tell someone who wouldn't judge my son. He has every right to be angry, but it's really hard to be the target of all that anger. I know it's not me he's thinking of when he calls me a slut, c*^t and whore but it really makes me feel like a failure. Do other kids do this or am I just "lucky"?

You didn't mention how old he was. Sounds a lot like my daughter. Severely angry little girl. Keep in mind that anger is a secondary emotion, it is rooted in FEAR. So he is TERRIFIED to death of something. You need to discover what it is, and address/relieve his fears as much as possible. Once that happens the anger subsides. Also keep in mind he won't be at this stage forever. Instead of "punishing" him for his treatment of you, reward yourself, or better yet, have him do something to reward you/ease your stress. Moms are almost ALWAYS the target of the anger. We're the safest. They instinctively know our love for them won't change if they lash out....there is no risk to using us as an emotional punching bag. Unfortunately it isn't our dream of parenting......but also, even the bio-moms raising bio-kids get treated like dirt a lot of times. The reward of parenting these kids comes after years of hell in a lot of cases. And success is defined on a much smaller scale. Once you can compare him to himself and see huge progress it will get a bit easier. Also, it's hard, but try not to take it personal. One thing I did that helped me, was translate "angry kid speak" into "scared kid speak". And as my daughter would rage at me I would respond with "I think you mean to say......I'm terrified that you will get angry enough you'll stop loving me, so I'm gonna try to push you away first".... and the more she raged the more I interpreted her feelings for her. "I know you're hitting me because you need a hug and are scared to ask for one" (then I'd hug her). GRANTED she was only 4-5-6 at the time.... But emotionally these kids don't usually develop past toddler thought processes. It also helps, to wait out the storm, then go discuss what she hoped to achieve with her outburst, and what she meant to say, and then what she can do next time that WILL WORK and I will promise to respond a pre-determined way when she uses the new approach.My guess is what he is really saying to you, when he rages, is this:"I hate myself, I screw everything up, nothing I do is right, I'm tired of trying. And here you are all perfect and wonderful and sooner or later you're gonna realize that I'm not good enough for you and you'll stop loving me. Besides eventually you'll leave and I can't stand waiting for it to happen. I need to know what button to push that will be the final straw for you, so I can see it coming and prepare myself. I just know I will never be able to be the kid you deserve and I love you so much that it simply hurts too much to handle when I disappoint you. You'd better just see what a terrible person I am now so that you'll expect crap from me and not be disappointed anymore. If I tell you how I really feel, and what I'm really afraid of, maybe you'll agree with me that I am not worth your time and you want me to leave. I see the way the family fights now and how strained your relationship with dad is. I know if I bring this subject up, it will give you the opportunity to leave. I couldn't stand that, but at the same time I don't know how to stop it from happening. The nicer of a person you are, the more horrible I feel about myself and the less secure I feel in this family. I need you to be the bad guy so I have a reason not to love you and be vulnerable. That way when you finally leave me, it won't hurt so bad."

Thank you. You both helped me get through a very tough day. There are so few knowledgable supports for adoptive parents of high-needs kids. Things are tenuous but manageable at home. I think I can parent another day. I am truly grateful.

I think Aspen had a lot of great things to say, but I'll also add that your son needs to know it is not okay or acceptable to put his hands on you. If you have a therapist for him, there needs to be a meeting ASAP so that everyone is on the same page and that if it happens again, you will call the police.Regardless of how hard he has worked and how far he's come, you have the right to be safe, especially in your own home.

I agree with Crick. Police need to be called if he ever gets physical with you.I am glad you can face another day. I know meds can't always be the answer but also, you need to take care of you before you can take care of him. See about getting on a mild anti-depressant, for YOU. Our bodies can only function for so long in high stress situations. And keep looking toward the future....a month, 6 months, a year, 3 years.... set realistic parenting goals. That way it's not so disappointing when he isn't at the level of behavior you want right now. Focus on the single most damaging habit/choice and the smallest issue and more or less address then ignore the rest. Trying to fix everything all at once is overwhelming for you AND him. By focusing mainly on the big issue you correct it quicker, and at the same time, tackling a small issue and succeeding helps his confidence. Gives you something to brag on/praise him for.