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I just wanted to reply to thread. I don't think I've done that correctly forgive me.
Do the children not get a voice here?
I am adopted. I have a BS in Elementary Education and I have Early Education Credentials.
A human that is adopted will have multiple parents their entire lives. If you try to erase or replace any of my parents birth or adopted you try to erase part of me. And that isn't fair.
Birds are the only animal that imprints onto the first thing they see. Expecting me not to mourn the loss of my first parents is expecting me to be subhuman. Google identity development. An infant knows that it is a separate entity from the mother between 12-18 months.
Having your first emotional attachment forever severed is a tough life experience. If you have to do that to a child there better be a good reason. Closed adoptions should be the exception not the rule.
If you're not up for that, get a puppy.
Everyone else, go read The Primal Wound. First Mothers and Second Mothers you are both my mothers. You are both important to me. Please figure out how to get along. I will need both of you to be a team.