Here I am again

I'm a clinical social work student, though not in adoption services. I know what an emotionally fraught topic disruption is, on and off these boards. I can understand how helpless you might be feeling now. Many agencies don't properly prepare families to meet their new children's needs, and some even intentionally withhold information. No one can completely prepare themselves for every possible adoption outcome. Are you currently in individual or family therapy? I don't know what your family situation is like, but it sounds like you might be shouldering much of the emotional burden of the adoption process yourself. A family therapist might help your family distribute the load more evenly. Someone experienced with special needs and/or adoption would probably be best here. Depending on your location and finances, you might even be able to receive free or low-cost services. How long has it been since she came home? I'm sure you already know this, but an initial adjustment period is perfectly normal for both you and your child. Don't feel that you have to be perfectly bonded right from the start. Not immediately feeling a deep love for your new arrival doesn't make you a bad parent or a failure. If you're making an effort to respond to your child's needs, count yourself as a success. Most of all, make sure that you get the emotional care that you need. It sounds like you could use a professional to help sort out some of these feelings.