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Hi, I remember when your son came home. I'm glad he's doing better but what a hard road you've been on.
Have you looked into food related sensitivities for your daughter? My dd had the exact same behavior and for her a diet free of dairy, gluten and all artificial ingredients (food dyes, preservatives, sweetners) has been virtually a miracle.
It sounds overwhelming (at least it did to me!) but we went dairy free (pretty easy, even with a kiddo who ate something dairy at every meal) and over a couple of years removed the other things.
My dd has some other processing challenges (sensory and visual) and those too can impact her behavior (seeing double can make you pretty grumpy), so we've found ways to work with that.
Just a few ideas, because I know it's exhausting to parent a child who is struggling so much. Please let me know if you want anymore info.
Susan