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I've posted before about the 3 little ones I have - their mother was pregnant with a fourth, and I was told all the while that she was going to get to keep him "for now." We were told continually that mother was making no progress toward reunification, were asked if we wanted to adopt, etc, etc. Then, she had the baby.
She gave birth on a Wednesday. The sw called and told me she was in labor, and even texted the kids a picture after birth. I asked about the plan again, and was again told the baby was going home with mom. I never said outright that I wanted the baby, bc when I asked about it I was always shut down. I had spoken with my resource worker and asked that my license be increased to 4, but she never did anything, and I've been assigned to a new rw since. I was told policy was to call me first since I have the siblings. I didn't hear anything from the sw following that conversation, so I assumed she took him home.
The following tues i called the cps office, but sw wasnt in, so I got the supervisor. She told me that the baby was taken into custody at the hospital and placed with an out of county foster home. She acted horrified when I told her I hadn't been contacted, saying she'd been told I was. However, I could tell by the way she spoke about the other foster mother that they were close. When I said I wanted them together, she used phrases like "rip the child from *other mom's* arms" "She attached by now." We went through a week of me begging them to put the kids together, all the while she was trying to talk me out of it siting mental illness in their genes, colic in the baby, and when none of that worked, she attacked me personally, saying I looked tired and had told people I was overwhelmedd (never!) and that my house was disorganized (when the sw would stop by in the morning when I'm getting 3 kids ready for school.) So, no, she wouldn't move him.
At this point, I'd already spoken with the GAL and my RW telling them my wishes. I spoke to both of them again the following day, sharing the super's decision, but asking them to please keep in mind that I did want the baby to be with his siblings. A week later, they moved him. During this time, I found out through a birdie that the super had made all of these decisions without contacting her supervisor, and the woman that had him originally was a very close friend of the super (and it was known that she only wanted newborns that would be tpr'd.)
The day they brought me the baby, everything changed. Suddenly, they've brought in Family Preservation (which should have been there in the beginning) and the children are going home. The sw won't share anything with me and when I ask specifically, she gives me this professional jargon about reunification being the goal. I know that part, but two weeks ago the mother practically gave them the baby in the hospital, and dissapeared. She's never really wanted the children, she's been very clear about that in her actions. Now, if she does want them and will care for them, then they need to be with her. I'm terrified that's not the case.
We are dealing with generational domestic violence and child abuse. Everyone is pretending right now - the mother, the grandmother (who I know for a fact is after the tax refund) and the children. They've been with us for 9 months and we've taught them to act good when they are someone's company, and their mother has taught them how to act in front of CPS. So, when they go for a visit, now at their grandmothers house, they are angels. Mom is loving and sweet, and grandma is giddy. People who know them, know mom is by nature neglectful and ill tempered. She and her mom fight constantly, and the kids (who are quite unruly at home) feed the frenzy. I'm terrified that this woman is not ready!! Just 2 monts ago, I had to demand that a sw sit in on the office visits, because the little ones were being slapped in the face for crying and the older child was being told very ugly things about me and my husband.
I don't know what to do! I'm so scared that they've messed up her case so badly that she will get them back by default. The FPG is seeing a woman whose been kid-free for 9 months spend 1 hour with children who are well-mannered and happy, because they know they are going "home" when it's finished. When we get home, the 5 year old cries for hours, begging me not to send her back." I tell the sw this - just that she's having some insecurities and is scared, and she just says, "Well, that's funny. AT the visit she told her mother she wants to go home with her." This is just the most rediculous mess I've ever been involved with. A month ago, this office actually told the court that we were a God-send and they wished they could clone us, now they treat me like I'm an enemy. They've shut me out completely, and don't listen to anything I have to say about the kids.
I know this is long, but I would appreciate any advice anyone has. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Am I reading too much into it? TIA!
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What they did by placing the baby in another home was pretty bad IMO. I had the opposite happen here. We were placed with a baby and then they gave the other family my information and had that family call me because "they wanted him" and had adopted his brother. I was so mad they gave out my info to that family! Anyway they didn't even want him. I don't know why social workers do this! About the rest - you mention that the mother is not ready and what not; this is not really for you to decide though. The lives most people are use to are not the lives these people are expected to lead. They do not have to provide the level of care that we must. They are the parents and the state gets to decide. Yes it is sad to loose kids and we want what is best but some kids live in poverty and have rough lives. That is just life. We cant remove all children and continue placing them until life is perfect - it never will be. Now I am not saying abuse is ok - but if the state determines the level of it is ok with them then that is that. I know that wont make you worry less. Also...if the mom pretends - well you don't really know that. I know you probably think you do but you don't. How would you know the difference? She could genuinely be caring when the kids were there - and you wouldn't be able to tell that from being fake.I am not trying to be mean or anything just state some facts. I use to look at my sons biological mother and think wow they want to return him to someone who does these things - but then again none of those things would have killed him and none were abusive. It was just me being judgement. Of course the kids are going to cry and be upset and tell you they do not want to go - they probably tell her they want to go with her as well (as you were told). That is what kids do. They are torn between you and their mother. Kids can love both - and not want to hurt either so they say what each wants to hear. Just stay positive and try to get through it and be there for the kids.My biological siblings were raised in a life I couldnt dream about -CPS took us because she was "unfit". I can tell you that the kids she did raise didn't die. They live the same lifestyle she does but that is an issue of poverty not being "unfit". Poverty is a culture. Slapping (and yes I know is horrible to those not raised in it), kids for tax money...well that can be a part of it.
I have to agree with a lot of what MloveM says. Parental Rights trump all of what we as normal, thirving, successful human beings believe is right for these kiddos.
I don't even have to meet you, the biomom or the kiddos to pretty much know that those kids are better off with you. The SWs even know this. The problem is the SW has a job to do for her client, the BP. Yes, the BP is her client and if the goal is RU then come hell or high water, that SW is going to do whatever it takes to RU those kids.
Is CPS corrupt? Hell yeah it is! I've witnessed some pretty bad lies, mis-information, ommittings of truth, ommittings of reports and other information that will make a BP look bad in front of a judge. If the goal is RU, all the reports that reflect badly on the BP are ommitted and all the reports that reflect positively on the BP get in front of the judge.
I'm sorry for what you and those kids are going through. Try to look at it this way. They are going to RU a newborn baby and 3 other kiddos to this biomom who hasn't parented in months. What do you think is going to happen once all her services run out? The same thing that happens with so many other RUs. They fail.
Please protect your heart.
I'm just now getting back to read your responses, and thank you. Harsh words, yes, but the truth. I'm having a hard time dealing with this, and you know why - because I tend to think of their future and DHS can only think of thier current safety.
The children have been going to extended visits in the home and are now, after court yesterday, doing unsupervised visits. I had a lengthy converstation with the SW the week of Tgiving and begged her to not let me be blind-sided in court. She promised she wouldn't, but yesterday I was. I even found out they had been doing periodic unspervised visits in the last weeks and nothing had been said to me about it. I could be wrong, I know I would in no way be involved in the decision, but shouldn't I at least have been informed? SW also called me this morning and told me what my Christmas schedule would be - as in, I was expected to be at home at this and that time for pick-up and drop-off. That was the final straw for me. I was told at the courthouse yesterday that they would "discuss the Christmas schedule" with me. Nope - I was just informed. The bring-back time is 5:00 on Christmas day and we have a family dinner 60 miles away that night. I haven't told her that yet - just said that they probably should have checked to see if we'd be at home then, and I'd get back to her to see if that was possible or if they'd need to stay an extra night.
I just have to step back and realize that these are not my children, and give her the opportunity to take care of them. I have to wash my hands of any harm that could come to them, knowing that I did everything within my power to keep them safe. (I'm making assumptions based on things family members have told me. If she's changed, great. If not, then it'll eventually show.) I just know that the family preservation therapists was not completely truthful on the stand yesterday - she lied about the date they started in-home visits, saying it had been a month plus, when it's been two weeks. There was also a report that the 2 yr old was hit because he broke a lamp, and she told me she saw HIM break the lamp and nothing happened. It later came out that the oldest girl broke it. I think the spanking was made up, but am certain the fam pres' stjory was made up too!! Such is the system...
Oh, and the baby had pneumonia. We spent 4 days in the hospital. Mom threw a fit to come visit, but never showed, even when we offered her a ride - even when it was granted that she could sit with the baby without supervision. She has yet to ask me one thing about his treatments, and he spends all day with her tomorrow. Oh, I must let go, I know. It's hard...
I understand your pain. I work is adult social services (counselor for a psych unit, locked, involuntary). Omg. I want to believe that these women are going to pull it together. About 2/3's of my female patients have kids in custody or relative placement. Once they stabilize about 90% want their kids back and work on a good safe plan to follow through with SW and services, while meeting the mental health court services and treatments. It gets over whelming bouncing between criminal, family and mental health court. That's probably why less than 50% RU. Seriously part of them completing MHC is taking the meds, they don't take meds they come right back to us, which means they aren't accepting services needed for parenting which = TPR. How does this pertain? I recently applied for fost/adopt and I obviously cannot tell my patients that. But I can choose to meet the bmom in this state. If I don't want to, then I use a provided transporter for visits. I understand your complaint because a patient confided in me that they only want their kid back so they can use crack without the state being "in my business". I asked about the welfare of the child, they said it would be okay. I pressed for many things pertaining to this (because I chart behavior) and the main concern seemed to be, looking good to the SW so I can go smoke crack. I was appalled and shocked, and dumbfounded. I wanted to yell at her, and tell her she didn't deserve her kid. I was thinking the only thing that would be harder then returning a child to a mom who is genuinely trying, is seeing a mom who don't care at all. To me that would hurt more even if I did adopt, because I would never in a million years ever be able to tell my child that your bmom just DIDN'T care.*no identifying features were made of the individual pertaining to this scenario. There were no direct quotes, and was therefore not a violation of HIPPA.
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[Why are you talking about tax refunds unless you simply want the tax refund for yourself? Why even bring it up; is all about money to you and DCF? The problem with the whole DCF and adoption systems and why there is too much adoption is because the truth is, social workers in DCF mentally abuse biological parents. Biological parents are told they are terrible parents because they have to work. The DCF contradicts the welfare reform system, that is why foster strangers should not be receiving checks either, it is time that foster strangers work work work and be shut off any state, and/or government checks as well. There is too much human suffering, that being, biological parents are suffering deeply while strangers have their kids, a stay at home pay. DCF is not a human service system. Please view links:
[url]http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/we-...-memorial-day/[/url]
Petition To: The White House and President Barack Obama
[url]https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/pet...aign=shorturl[/url]
This foster phenomena needs to stop as it does no human justice.]
I've posted before about the 3 little ones I have - their mother was pregnant with a fourth, and I was told all the while that she was going to get to keep him "for now." We were told continually that mother was making no progress toward reunification, were asked if we wanted to adopt, etc, etc. Then, she had the baby.
She gave birth on a Wednesday. The sw called and told me she was in labor, and even texted the kids a picture after birth. I asked about the plan again, and was again told the baby was going home with mom. I never said outright that I wanted the baby, bc when I asked about it I was always shut down. I had spoken with my resource worker and asked that my license be increased to 4, but she never did anything, and I've been assigned to a new rw since. I was told policy was to call me first since I have the siblings. I didn't hear anything from the sw following that conversation, so I assumed she took him home.
The following tues i called the cps office, but sw wasnt in, so I got the supervisor. She told me that the baby was taken into custody at the hospital and placed with an out of county foster home. She acted horrified when I told her I hadn't been contacted, saying she'd been told I was. However, I could tell by the way she spoke about the other foster mother that they were close. When I said I wanted them together, she used phrases like "rip the child from *other mom's* arms" "She attached by now." We went through a week of me begging them to put the kids together, all the while she was trying to talk me out of it siting mental illness in their genes, colic in the baby, and when none of that worked, she attacked me personally, saying I looked tired and had told people I was overwhelmedd (never!) and that my house was disorganized (when the sw would stop by in the morning when I'm getting 3 kids ready for school.) So, no, she wouldn't move him.
At this point, I'd already spoken with the GAL and my RW telling them my wishes. I spoke to both of them again the following day, sharing the super's decision, but asking them to please keep in mind that I did want the baby to be with his siblings. A week later, they moved him. During this time, I found out through a birdie that the super had made all of these decisions without contacting her supervisor, and the woman that had him originally was a very close friend of the super (and it was known that she only wanted newborns that would be tpr'd.)
The day they brought me the baby, everything changed. Suddenly, they've brought in Family Preservation (which should have been there in the beginning) and the children are going home. The sw won't share anything with me and when I ask specifically, she gives me this professional jargon about reunification being the goal. I know that part, but two weeks ago the mother practically gave them the baby in the hospital, and dissapeared. She's never really wanted the children, she's been very clear about that in her actions. Now, if she does want them and will care for them, then they need to be with her. I'm terrified that's not the case.
We are dealing with generational domestic violence and child abuse. Everyone is pretending right now - the mother, the grandmother (who I know for a fact is after the tax refund) and the children. They've been with us for 9 months and we've taught them to act good when they are someone's company, and their mother has taught them how to act in front of CPS. So, when they go for a visit, now at their grandmothers house, they are angels. Mom is loving and sweet, and grandma is giddy. People who know them, know mom is by nature neglectful and ill tempered. She and her mom fight constantly, and the kids (who are quite unruly at home) feed the frenzy. I'm terrified that this woman is not ready!! Just 2 monts ago, I had to demand that a sw sit in on the office visits, because the little ones were being slapped in the face for crying and the older child was being told very ugly things about me and my husband.
I don't know what to do! I'm so scared that they've messed up her case so badly that she will get them back by default. The FPG is seeing a woman whose been kid-free for 9 months spend 1 hour with children who are well-mannered and happy, because they know they are going "home" when it's finished. When we get home, the 5 year old cries for hours, begging me not to send her back." I tell the sw this - just that she's having some insecurities and is scared, and she just says, "Well, that's funny. AT the visit she told her mother she wants to go home with her." This is just the most rediculous mess I've ever been involved with. A month ago, this office actually told the court that we were a God-send and they wished they could clone us, now they treat me like I'm an enemy. They've shut me out completely, and don't listen to anything I have to say about the kids.
I know this is long, but I would appreciate any advice anyone has. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Am I reading too much into it? TIA![/QUOTE]