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Just looking for some thoughts about a rather odd predicament I find myself in.
I never wanted children, and still don't. The last time the birth control failed, I had an abortion. It was the right decision at the time, and I have no regrets.
Here I am again, and abortion doesn't sound right this time. Don't know why, it simply doesn't for whatever reason. I am still not interested in parenting. So I thought, adoption, maybe?
The first person I spoke about this to laughed hysterically. So did the second. The reason is my age. I am 47. The father is 55. My friends have assured me that no one wants a casserole made from such old ingredients. (My post here is intended to get opinions from people more familiar with adoption.)
Certainly, the odds are rather poor for a healthy outcome at my age. I would be happy to do all the testing, and terminate the pregnancy if something turns out to be frightfully wrong. Unfortunately, the testing doesn't catch everything. And, well, the ingredients really are past their prime.
I have done well, and could amply afford to give a child a good life. I just don't want to. I know how awful that sounds, but it is what it is. So the questions are, is it even possible that anyone would be interested in adopting the casserole made from expired goods? And secondly, what happens if someone does sign up for it, and then something is tragically wrong when it's born? I end up stuck with not just something I never wanted, but a special needs something I never wanted?
The father is a non-issue. He doesn't want any more children, and is committed to supporting any decision I make. I am in good health, and don't need any money for expenses or anything. I'm pretty much standing on the fence, wondering which way to jump.
Thoughts?
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I guess as I see it, why rush into any choice. If you don't need financial support and you just aren't sure if you want this why not take the rest of the pregnancy to figure out what you want? Why rush it. If you decide down the road that this isn't right for you then you can always place, but you don't have to make any choice right now.
I think you can wait and see. Most babies with chromosome problems miscarry naturally in the first trimester. Your risk of miscarriage is much greater than your risk of other problems. Yes, some risk factors increase with age, but they are still less likely than a healthy pregnancy. Go ahead and do the screenings, take good care of yourself, and get a great doctor. Good luck.
Thank you to all who have given helpful advice. I am comfortable with the idea of completing the pregnancy and placing the child for adoption. I am sort of "out of the woods" because my doctor told me that once you are past the first trimester, if it doesn't have any obvious abnormalities on the ultrasound (and it doesn't) the only thing left is the amnio in a few weeks.
I guess my other question has been answered as well. There are people willing to adopt the casserole made of old ingredients. I was sort of dismayed, though. I wanted information and opinions, not PMs from people telling me how God had helped them find my post. I try to do what I think is the right thing, and end up feeling like a prime steak in front of a rottweiler that hasn't eaten in a week.
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There are absolutely adoptive parents (like me & my husband) that are willing to adopt a newborn with/without special needs and with/without an amnio. Without solicitation I would be happy to discuss my research with you. Feel free to comment, PM, or email me and I can suggest agencies, attorneys, and/or adoptive parents.
:loveyou:
Stephanie
As an adoptive parent, I can say that your age isn't of big concern for most people looking to adopt. Take your time and when it's closer to time to deliver if you still feel that adoption is the way you want to go, you can contact an agency.
And please, don't let anyone tell you that your child wouldn't be wanted. If you decide to go that route, someone will adopt the child.
Good luck with your decision, whatever it is.
BananaSplit
I try to do what I think is the right thing, and end up feeling like a prime steak in front of a rottweiler that hasn't eaten in a week.
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Well, I hope that you're doing well with your pregnancy. If your baby is special needs, there's a website, [url]www.chask.org[/url], that matches "Special Needs" children with Christian homes.
We find ourselves in a similar boat - too many kids for birthmoms to want us! :) I think you'll do fine though - there are many, many agencies willing to help with a TON of prospective families. Best wishes!!
I would try not to stress about your age or the impact those circumstances may have on the baby. If everything looked healthy up to this point, the baby sounds like it's doing well. There are many people eager to adopt a child and many people willing and able to care for children with special needs should that be the case.
There are many private agencies you can work with, you can also place a baby directly for adoption through the state fostercare system.
As far as you parenting yourself. You shouldn't feel pressured to parent just like you shouldn't feel pressured to place the baby for adoption. If your confident this isn't what you want then you should go with your heart. You may feel differently after the baby is born and you may not.
I'd make a plan either way so that you are more prepared for either outcome and just see where you are when the baby is born. You don't have to decide immediately after the baby is born either. You can take your time until you know what your decision is and you know what if any special needs your child may have.
