Advertisements
I thought I had posted on this but don't see it and I want to know so I will try again.
At what age is child considered "older child"?
We are just getting started and will likely be looking for age 3-8 and I wonder when "older child" issues start to show up.
Like
Share
Advertisements
Internationally, "older" is typically considered 36+ months. As far as "older child issues"...from the children that I know who were adopted between birth and 7 years old...there are no such thing. There are just "issues."
The child adopted at 8 months has significant issues, the children adopted around a year old had minor issues (one health, one attachment), a 3 year old had MAJOR attachment/ptsd issues, a 5 year old had almost no issues, another 5 year old had minor attachment issues, a 7 year old had no real issues, etc.
I think it's really life experiences, genetic predisposition for mental health issues, personality, etc., that really make the difference.
Advertisements
Based on the foster payment guidelines in our area any child aged 6 or above is an "older" child.
I have a 6 year old, and I don't consider her an "older" after 7 months with her. I believe she, like most foster kids, are behind socially, behaviorally and developmentally. So, her own self as a package doesn't smack of "older child". I think it's all in how and to what purpose you're defining it, KWIM?
Per brutal experience, any child adopted at ANY age, including three months old, if they were neglected or abused tend to have problems, often long term, sometimes forever problems. The older the child, the worse the prognosis. And three years old means the critical first three years were unstable. I think of any child who isn't an infant as an older child, since I've had some ungodly horrible experiences with children who we did not adopt as infants. But three and up...the attachment problems are already ingrained in their minds.
It's always a struggle with some rewarding endings and some not as good...I wish you all well :)
LoveMyKids94
Per brutal experience, any child adopted at ANY age, including three months old, if they were neglected or abused tend to have problems, often long term, sometimes forever problems. The older the child, the worse the prognosis. And three years old means the critical first three years were unstable. I think of any child who isn't an infant as an older child, since I've had some ungodly horrible experiences with children who we did not adopt as infants. But three and up...the attachment problems are already ingrained in their minds.
It's always a struggle with some rewarding endings and some not as good...I wish you all well :)
I've even heard babies can have attachment problems. So that's a hard one. I was put in foster care at 6 years old and was fully bonded with my bio parents. But never bonded with foster parents. I'm sure they had know idea, since I never told them. So many people can think their kids are bonded, but they may not be bonded. I just did what I had to do, until I was old enough to have my parents back in my life. I do hope most kids aren't like that, but I don't really believe it.
Advertisements
Our son is adopted from Russia (2000). He is now a well adjusted, much loved and appreciated.... teen (14). Yes, he has the normal "attitudes." He was 17 months at adoption. We were told the following. From birth to 18 months, the child is in a "baby" home. They get the GMothers coming in and rocking them for 30 min, cooing and ahhing at them and tickling them, etc. At 18 months, they go into a sort of transitional home...until age 5. I think the younger kids were kept in a separate area... until 3ish, then moved into another area where the 4-5 year olds are at. From here, the kids are moved into ... "older" homes. Some in actual foster facilities, but most in larger.... orphanages with lots of kids.... We were also told that at age 5 the adoption fee reduces greatly.... For what it's worth, that's what we were told back in 1999/2000.
I'm a psych student, and from the research I've done on attachment, I'd say adopting any child older than around 9-12 months is 'older adoption', because that's when attachment starts to really take place. (Onset of stranger anxiety is one of the most visible signs of this, in typical children.)
The research shows the most crucial age range for attachment is about 9-12 months to around 3 or 4 years old (numbers not exact, especially for the older end of this range). Ironically, if a child had a good early start and things broke down after 4, they'll often turn out better than a kid adopted between 1-4, because they got through that sensitive period before the trauma started. Not that they don't tend to have issues, but they tend more towards insecure attachment rather than full-blown RAD.
Issues -- by which I assume you mean emotional and behavioral problems -- can begin to show up at any age. But in terms of older children, just remember that, the older the child at the time of adoption, the more likely it is that he/she will have had some negative life experiences that may have affected his/her emotional/behavioral development.As an example even infants and toddlers may have been exposed to physical and sexual abuse, but with every passing year in a dysfunctional birth family, or in a low quality foster home or orphanage, the more likely it is that the child has suffered this type of abuse, which can have profound effects on his/her psyche. A four year old who has been sexually abused may well try to molest a younger child, much as a ten year old may try to harm a younger sibling, and both will need round the clock supervision until it is determined that the newly adopted child is not going to victimize new siblings.Sharon
Advertisements
Issues -- by which I assume you mean emotional and behavioral problems -- can begin to show up at any age. But in terms of older children, just remember that, the older the child at the time of adoption, the more likely it is that he/she will have had some negative life experiences that may have affected his/her emotional/behavioral development.As an example even infants and toddlers may have been exposed to physical and sexual abuse, but with every passing year in a dysfunctional birth family, or in a low quality foster home or orphanage, the more likely it is that the child has suffered this type of abuse, which can have profound effects on his/her psyche. A four year old who has been sexually abused may well try to molest a younger child, much as a ten year old may try to harm a younger sibling, and both will need round the clock supervision until it is determined that the newly adopted child is not going to victimize new siblings.Sharon
My daughter was adopted at age 3 and I considered her an "older child" I would agree that anything over 18 months is "older child". .....Being able to remember other caregivers and have other family experiences that differ from the new adoptive family.That being said, my cousin adopted from birth, was at the hospital etc...and his son has serious full blown RAD, where my daughter only had moderate attachment issues, and without any full time therapy, has only mild insecurities. As far as not being able to tell about bonding...YOU'LL KNOW...There will just be something that is a bit "off"...even if you can't explain it. It's not always the BEHAVIOR that is out of place....it's the intensity, duration and motivation behind the behaviors.Also, be prepared that behaviors cycle back around at every life-milestone-- moving, changing schools, teachers, trauma anniversaries, birthdays, puberty, graduation, marriage, childbirth etc....The best thing is just to help your child understand and separate reality from the "stinking thinking" that is false and misleading emotionally. Also, give a word or catch phrase that the child can use when they're going through stuff. Kind of a "bad weather ahead" warning.