Why the inconsistant contact?

Thanks Kathleen.. It is great to hear a professional perspective from someone who has been there. I did get some therapy through a specialised adoption councillor but she didn't mention the stages of reunion or give me any tools to deal with my feelings when my daughter pulled away after reunion. I have found out so much information on this forum on reunion stages - as Moonbeam mentioned (thank you). When my daughter wrote an angry email to me full of misunderstandings I did write back standing up for myself and I mentioned to her that I have bought a book on reunion and found helpful information on the internet. I also said that if anger and resentment had surfaced it may taint her relationships if she doesn't work through it. She has never mentioned to me that she has sought out therapy. I know she has struggled with things but when I asked what and if I could help with anything she just said "well we are all here now (the triad) and we are all healthy people" so I feel she has a bit of denial. It could also be that she is defensive with me and doesn't want to admit to anything. She said once that reunion was hard and many don't keep in touch. She is quite an assertive, negative person and we have only met 7 times now for lunch/dinner, so I have not had the chance to really get into where we are going in our relationship. Her focus is very much on herself at the moment and I don't feel that she realises what I have gone/am going through at all, which is understandable, but there is a lack of compassion as well which is alarming. I wrote her a very personal email of prebirth/birth/postbirth information and she just said she appreciated me bringing it all up again/must have been hard etc but when I next saw her she just cross questioned me on some details and didn't seem to have any empathy at all. Her focus is also on her birth father, who she is in reunion with and she has now spent more time with him than with me. She probably thinks I was trying to put her off him. Being an unsettled girl in her early 30's who travels all over the place, I don't think her maturity level at the moment can really "get me" - she just "keeps moving" because if she stops she may have to look within. (Thanks Beth for your insights there) When I did bring up my healing support strategies (i.e. Reiki, Energetic Healing etc) and how I am reading up on reunion and understand that the birth parents can be a bit over enthusiastic at first for instance - I was met with a "rabbit caught in the headlights" look and no comment, so I don't think she is ready to go there. She said in her angry email that she just wants our contact to be happy and relaxed with no emotional tugs so I think accessing her emotions makes her feel uncomfortable. I am happy to keep in touch and see how things go in the future, but I won’t let myself be used as someone to take things out on because I don’t think that will be of benefit to her in the long run. Kathleen - Do you think I should write a letter to her asking her to be honest in how the reunion process is going for her and if she has struggled with anything that maybe I can help with? Or do you think it is better to leave it to her? I don’t want to initiate a face to face with her at the moment because I find the cross questions and button pushing unpleasant – could it be she is using that as a form of defence or control of the conversation so I don’t ask too many questions of her? Thanks again for taking the time to post back to me :)