Need advice please. Sorry it's long!

Don't know where to start with this. It's going to be long so sorry and bear with me. Will start off with saying I have a 13 year RAD diagnosed child. She had been in therapy and is very bonded to me. I adopted her at 7. She has been in my home since 5. I got married when she was 8 and we did family therapy and they released us from this and she continued the counseling. Our counselor left and she worked with several other people but did not bond or get along with them. She is defiant and nasty when she doesn't get her way. Lies, cheats, steals. I read on here about people hiding food in their rooms and locking it away. We have to do that here. She has eaten an entire cake. Gorges herself on a regular basis and will eat anything like junk food until she is sick. She has no limit setting and makes poor choices EVERY time. We do allow her to have them. She just can't have free access to it. She has made 3 Facebook pages and gotten consequences for it. Right now there will be no Facebook for a year. She does it when at others houses so we limit her sleep overs and such as the other parents do not have any idea how to deal with RAD. She has only internet access while supervised. She was caught when school found the page the latest time. She was posting threats against someone. It was a fight between 2 girls and she was not even involved in the argument. She put her self in the middle. This is usual. If there is some drama at school going on, if you look into it, you will always find my daughter. This was a direct quote from her school counselor. She is very smart. Every year she starts out good but by Sept, Oct and Dec., the teachers have figured her out and hold her 100% accountable for her choices and actions. She also has been caught sexting on the fake FB page and on a text program on her iPod so it's gone for now. About 3 weeks ago my husband had a physical altercation with him. She took the hose while doing the dishes and squirted him with it. Not just a little puff, but a blast that put water all over the floor. She then attacked him physically hitting him and punching him and ripped his shirt trying to bite him. He restrained her and she slipped while he was going away from her and hit her cheek on the edge of the counter and picked up a heavy top of a cookie jar and threw it with all her force at him. She had marks on her arm from him holding her while she attempted to continue hitting him. He walked away. She missed him with the lid thank God. She then went to her room and called the police saying her step Father had attempted to kill her. They came and as soon as she got them in her room accused him of molesting her. Didn't even want to talk about the incident. Just disclosed. There were 2 officers and they both spoke to her. She told them different things that didn't quite match up and changed things and added things. They said that they couldn't stay in the house together. She had a bag all packed and insisted they call a lady who I had helped and let stay with us for a few weeks when she was homeless. She is 23, has a 1 and 2 year old and is currently homeless again and couch surfing with her 2 kids. NOT someone she can go stay with and while she stayed with us my daughter stole her thong underwear (because I will NOT buy my 13 year old a thong I don't give a crap if every girl in your class wears them. Sorry I am NOT every girls MOM!) In her bag she packed she had all her name brand clothes and MY iPod she stole from my room. Hers was stolen! (By me and hidden for sexting.) My husband left to stay with a friend because it seemed like the best option. They are of course required to investigate. What she says is that he pulled down her pants and put lotion on her butt. I am sure my husband didn't do this This is not to say I didn't agonize over the what if's there for a bit. Her story keeps changing and she out right lied about things. Oh, well not lied just didn't tell the truth. For exmple...he gave her secret perfume. Insinuating that he gave her this as a secret and after or before the abuse she is saying occurred. He did give her perfume. Sort of. The name of the perfume is Secret. He also didn't "give it to her" She was standing in our room talking to us and saw it in his drawer. He had bought it in the clearance isle at Walmart and had given some to me and his Mom and had one left. She saw it and begged for it. He said no at first but after she begged he gave it to her. Then she was saying he gave her the pants he had pulled down. He had bought them several months prior at a clearance sale because she was obsessed with yoga pants. He brought them home with a bunch of other stuff. That one thing was for her. LONG before she is saying anything happened. They are UGLY!! Even I agree. I told her to say thank you because he was thinking of her and wear them for Pjs because they were bad! He's a guy and his taste is eh. But it was the thought. Her response was she might answer the door in her pjs and didn't want them seen. She refused to wear them and hated them. She is saying it was those pants. She also has hated lotion since she came here. I would call it a pathological hate of lotion. Not so much lotion as having it put on her. So much so that we skipped over that with the RAD bonding stuff we did. That was one of the things they do for bonding but she was so upset they skipped it. She will put lotion on herself now after years of being bribbed by me to put it on when she would have cracked ,dry and bleeding skin. She did just have a manicure a few months ago as well and came back in from doing it as I was having a pedicure. She said she didn't want another one cause they put lotion on her. I had won them mani/pedi combo and she did one and I did the other. She said next time she wanted the pedi until I informed her they also put lotion on you and massage your feet and legs. She went from begging to get one constantly to never mentioning it again. She has also physically assaulted him with a glass jar before. Left a huge goose egg on his head. He didn't want to ruin her future so he didn't want to call the police. We should have!!! My husband is still out of the house going on 3 weeks now. We have done the interviews, spoke to everyone and got a new counselor. We now need to see\t up a family counseling session before my husband comes back. I can't get anyone to call me back. The counselor will, but needs to talk to DHS to veify what they want. They have ordered a psych evaluation on my daughter. I think there is something going on there besides RAD. So it's now Tues night. Been supposed to set up the counseling on Fri and can't get anyone to call me back or pin down a time. DHS was closed yesterday naturally and Fri the counselor was off. They want HER to tell them if she needs to do the session or someone else and she wants to talk to DSH. I am frustrated. My support system is in another home and DHS of course has more pressing things then this going on. To make it worse. I need surgery on my knee. It was scheduled for the 15th. It was delayed until the 28th and it looks like he might not be home by then. *sigh* They even said now WHEN he comes home not if. They have found nothing to found anything and her continued lies and the lies in the past to counselors and at school are documented. Since he has been gone at first she was honeymooning. She then was caught at school and is now on "house arrest". She may not leave her house area and room with out a teacher or adult aide to escort her. She went with a group of friends and was hanging out in the stair well. She was supposed to be going to her 8th period free class volunteer post. She is library aide. Instead she was with a boy and it's been reported to the assistant principle and counselor she and the boy went under the stairs and he "fingered her inside her pants" and she gave him a blow job. It's a big he said she said and it was not caught on camera. I do know kids lie at this age. Especially when it makes them seem cool. Thing is she lies all the time. She was in a place she didn't belong and will not even take responsibility for her actions. She continues with her malipulation with homework and has even threatened me to call DHS and the police when I made her clean up a huge mess she made. Think tiny little pieces of paper all cut up to make some art thing. Markers and papers all over the floor and food dishes and plates. All from a matter of hours. She was shocked when all consequences didn't disappear when this all happened at school OR at home. She is still being held accountable. She tried to say that my husband is too strict and it's his fault all the rules are in place and etc. He is Muslim. He does have a very different view of teenager rules and such, but we discuss things in private and rules are enforced by both of us. She was always a struggle to deal with but since she hit puberty, she has become a tyrant. This of course has given her a swelled head because she thinks she has won. She has no idea he is coming home. She thinks he's gone for good. I have not told her because I won't talk to her about it. I let the counselor do it. She keeps asking for a dog because he won't let us have one. Yes, dogs are dirty in Muslim, but we had a dog. She was very old and died. I had her longer then my daughter or husband. I don't really want another dog and when my husband came, it was our understanding that our dog would stay, but that we would not get another. She has asked not once, but probably 6 times even saying her friend has puppies. She is in counseling. We will continue to fight for her. Please don't tell me let her go back in the system. This isn't an option. I love this child. She is beautiful and gifted and when she is not being a pain, she is a joy. My husband also will not give up on her. Even after this. He has gone from shock to anger to hurt and now to resolve. We are putting many things in place so that this doesn't happen again. He will never be alone with her again. He doesn't hate her even after this and we won't give up on her. There are no other kids and I don't see that ever happening. At least while she is here. She will be 18 at some point. Of course then we have the record even if unfounded of being investigated. I don't know that I want to go through this ever again. I love her. Don't get me wrong, but sometimes I can't stand her.