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I was hoping for some advice on how to respond to questions about my kids. Our children are African whereas we are not, so it's obvious that they are adopted. We also happen to have three of the same age. They have different birth families (with birth dates close to each other) though they have been together since soon after birth. We usually refer to them as "triplets".
One of the first things almost all people want to know when they meet us is whether our triplets are biological siblings or not. People mostly ask it in front of the children. People approach it in a lot of different ways, sometimes asking if they are "real triplets?", "are they from the same family?" or other more subtle ways.
I'm really not comfortable with the frequency of these questions because I feel it's not helping the kids' sense of family unity for me to have to regularly tell people they are not biological siblings. But if I respond in a way that might leave the person with the impression they are biological siblings (like "yes, they are real triplets", which to me they are) then it leads to further comments, questions and misunderstandings. (People are just naturally curious about multiple births and want to ask more). Plus, I don't want the kids to get the impression I, or they, should think there is anything shameful about them not being biological siblings.
Does anyone have any advice about tactful responses to these questions?
Thanks.
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Why do you ask is always my go to answer when I think people are being extra nosey. I say it with a smile, and most of the time, people have no answer for me.
I get asked often if my 2 oldest are twins, and sometimes they say yes (they are so not twins) and sometimes I just smile and say "No, they're just close in age" and leave it at that.
"Yes, Irish Triplets" and let people figure it out. I get asked several times a day if my daughters are twins -- they are full bio sibs but 10 months apart. I usually reply they are irish twins (and they are obviously of another race) ... it usually confuses people enough to stop asking questions.
I have two 15 yr old girls born 3 days apart. One bio, one adopted. Bio is pale with bleached blonde hair. AD is dark brown Mexican with black hair. I tell people all the time they are my twins. People do asked if they are real, adopted or whatever and I just say they're twins. Makes me wonder about the families how have twins who have one black and one white, but both were born at the same time from same Mom and Dad.
[url=http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2123050/Look-The-black-white-twins-turn-seven.html]Look at us now: The black and white twins as they turn seven | Mail Online[/url]
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I think it depends on what the attitude of the people were when they asked- there is a difference between being curious and wanting to know because they care and love kids and asking just to be nosy and wanting to know where 'all these black kids' came from. I remember one time I was with my daughter and a man said to me " What is THAT- a Fresh Air Kid or something??!!" I just gave him the 'stink eye' and said No and then turned and walked away.
I know this is terrible but if someone was rude enough or nosy and obnoxious I would say "Hey, all I know is I went to this freaking awesome keg party and it was barely nine months later when I got the biggest freaking surprise of my life!!"
I did respite for a large adoptive family who had three toddler girls about the same size, one Caucasian, one Asian, and one Haitian. They were asked more than once if they were triplets!
I would go with the non-committal response, unless it is someone whose opinion really matters, and then they likely wouldn't need to ask! I must admit to curiosity about families who are obviously multiracial. I usually mind my own business, but if I choose to ask I approach it from the standpoint of the family (ie. "Is your family formed through adoption?") rather than asking straight out about the individual child. That gives them a chance to share their experience without the need to go into details on their child's private life--or to brush me off and walk away!
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I like the funny responses, more as a way to muse about what I might have gotten away with saying! I don't think I would have the confidence to say it in reality though, because anytime I've said something kind of abrupt or extreme to someone, I've regretted it afterwards. It's amazing how many "strangers" end up being someone you get to know or end up meeting in other circumstances!Thanks for all your tactful suggestions. I will definitely try them out. I'm surprised how many others have similar issues to deal with.