Question I wonder if birthparents worried about subsequent children being taken

My mother talks about this fear all the time. My sister was born 11 years before me -- my mom was 16 and it was in the 60s. She was "forced" to place my sister for adoption by the priest of her parish (in Vancouver, BC) and was sent away to a home. The usual horrors that many others spoken of. When I was born my mom was the ULTIMATE "respectable woman" - due to her own terror of being deemed incapable. She always, always, always (every single day) dressed up in skirts/blouses despite being a stay at home mom, so that she always looked presentable. She was incredibly protective of my younger sister and I - and in fact an EXCEPTIONAL mother because she worked over hard to be that exceptional mom to us. After we reunited with my older sister my mom shared some stories of my childhood from HER perspective -- she was always scared my grandmother (her mother in law) would try to take us away from her (unfounded fears - but real to her) --- and I always wondered why we never really spent much time with those grandparents. They were Catholic, and spoke with the same french accent the nuns had that took my sister from my mom. It was her fear that really did affect my life -- in positive ways when I was younger because she was SO involved and an EXCEPTIONAL mom, and then in difficult ways as we grew up because she had a very, very hard time letting us grow up and took it as personal rejection.

For 30 years I had dreams of me having a baby and losing that one too. It was always taken from me. Although I never went on to have additional children, I was always fearful of losing ANYTHING good that came my way. A promotion, something special to me. I was always worried that I would lose that too.

Murphy, I'm the person who posted about how the mothers of the BSE were advised by the social workers not to inform our future husbands about our relinquished babies because that knowledge could be used against us in future divorce proceedings. But I want to make clear that the social workers, agencies, and maternity homes didn't even hint that we were actually unfit mothers in real life. They made it very clear, though, that if we really loved our babies...and were good moms...that we'd let them be raised by married couples who were older and more financially stable. When I tried to protest at one point, the social worker looked at me and said, "Do you really want your child to be called a bastard out on the playground?" That silenced me for the rest of my pregnancy.

Your statement made me think that maybe something similar was expressed to my birthmother. There was no agency but the Doctor that delivered me was very judgmental about her when I contacted him to ask him if he knew anything about who she was. She also said the nuns who ran the hospital were "mean" to her or at least she felt they were not as nice as the nurses. The nuns likely knew or got wind of the fact that my father was Catholic and she was Protestant. I didn't put two and two together until you made that post and then I wondered how common that bias was and how it might have affected her fear that something would happen to my brothers. I wondered if it was unique to her or if other people felt the same fear.

I never had overt thoughts about losing my child, but I was overly protective, that's for sure. Same thing, I guess. My husband was just as bad.

I never feared my next children would be taken from me but like others was very very protective. As babies they were always with me. There was no way I could leave them so we could have a night out etc. What I have found really really difficult is as they have become young adults and left home. Their empty bedrooms have felt like my empty tummy. I have found the grief debilitating for the first weeks. It comes from a place I didnt know was still there. I guess its a form of PTSD.