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My daughter has been working on counting coins concepts. Ughhhh. Either she doesn't get it or she is pretending. Over the years I have caught her pretending not to know things. So hours of hellish home work. Crying that she is dumb so I feel sorry for her. At one point she actually told me she was just tricking me.
So I can't tell and go on trying to help her because if she isn't tricking me she does have problem and she cries and wiggles and needles at me for hours.
Finally after two days of this I lost my temper, nothing that serious but I said some things I shouldn't have said and told her to get into the bathroom and stay there so I didn't really lose it. She started kicking the door. I stayed in the basement but I could hear the kicking. Her psychologist told me to stop her doing the temper tantrums. Guess I should have asked her how.
This new phase of needling at me and saying things to make me feel guilty is a bad trend. I just ended up putting her to bed early. I know I'm supposed to make up with her before bed, tell her I love her etc. but I don't at the moment. So any ideas about how to get over being mad at her, she is only six but the minute I start to get over it, she starts this stuff again. I'm tired of making excuses for her not calling me mom, talking about her perfect birth family, making me feel guilty over everything, flat out refusing to learn or change a behavior, not telling how she is really feeling and manipulating me every second.
So any ideas about how to gain the high ground again? She says things to me I would have never dared say to my mother. My mother would have thrown a terrible tantrum. Maybe that is the problem is I'm not as good at it as she was, ughhhh. Anyway anybody have any ideas just to get her off of me for a while, short of respite, so I can start liking her again. The weekend is coming and I'd really rather be at work than home with her, not a good feeling.
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Oh yeah, the school work pretending games. Most of the time our kids honestly don't understand at the beginning, probably because they are too busy causing problems to think about it. They convince themselves that they can never understand and then they are too stubborn to admit it when they do. Really it is pretty natural for the less well adjusted kids to not get it as quickly even if they are just as smart because their underlying level of anxiety makes it a challenge to concentrate on anything not related to their safety. It puts them into a fight mode and it is really hard for them to come out of it.The good news with school is that at six years old the only thing they really need to learn is how to read plus maybe a few tidbits about math. Everything else will be covered repeatedly in coming years and even then it won't really matter that much. So make sure she spends some time practicing to read and don't worry too much about the rest. Her relationship with you is far more important.
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Sent an email to the teacher. The answer, they tested for three math groups, she is in the middle one and they have only covered the basic coins, they haven't covered counting them. They send home the same homework for each level. So if she doesn't know how to do something, just right note on the top. Ughhhhhhh
All this upset and they haven't covered the homework they gave her. Ughhhhh again.
What do you think a six year old who doesnt have their biological parents? Alot of parents have a problem with their children calling them mom testing them and acting out. There are reasons for this behavior. The more you take it personally the more she feels like shes right, that you arent unconditional. Its crazy but adoptees are to an extent. They need to learn whose there, know, they never feel whole. Think about why a child would manipulate this way?by saying youre trapped and that you dont love your child in the moment maybe doesnt reflect so much on her but yourself. Look into yourself and then at her, dont punish her shes using her intuition she feels you pull away and dislike her. he best advice i have for youRead[url=http://www.amazon.com/Primal-Wound-Understanding-Adopted-Child/dp/0963648004]The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child: Nancy Verrier: 9780963648006: Amazon.com: Books[/url]best book as a special needs adopted I could not have written it better myself.
Obviously that was a bad day. I've since discovered that her first grade teachers and before that her kindergarten teachers gave her "A's" and "B's" when she didn't understand large concepts. So the reason she can't count coins is she didn't learn to count by 5's in kindergarten.
So she probably didn't pay attention etc. in kindergarten and now she is miserable because the other kids and she thinks she is dumb. I've got her that IXL course on-line and I'm going to try to get her to go through kindergarten lessons again so she starts to feel better about herself. Let's hope this works because I know she will eventually catch on etc. but being behind is messing with her self-confidence.
As far as that unconditional love etc. Obviousily I love her or we wouldn't have made it this far but expecting me to feel love for her every second, after being screamed at and needled for hours might be a bit much, unless I were a saint of course which I've never been able to achieve. Yes, I love her because she is my child but doesn't mean it is possible to feel like it all the time. Political correctness is what has gotten her into this mess, nobody did something about her mother, nobody blamed her grandmother, nobody took responsiblity and that goes for her teachers who hugged her and gave her an "A" when she deserved a "C".
However, thanks for the recommendation on the book, I will have a look.