Denied even before home study

The agency told us that it was better that we hadn't done the home study as we could go to another agency. Not sure if that would fall under what you said about agencies sharing information, waiting8years.

Have you done anything other than the cpr/fa training? I think you should be fine to go to another agency bc at this point you weren't working with them yet, rather gathering information and learning about their agency and decided that it wasnt the right fit for your family. Did the supervisor shed some light as to what the issue was? For all the supposed need, agencies turn down good families all the time. I almost didn't get to work with my awesome agency bc I didn't have a church home.

[QUOTE=) my husband and I put on our survey that we argued 1-2 times a week (I thought we were supposed to be honest?), April[/QUOTE] Wow now I'm worried we are just waiting on our homestudy. I actually crossed out the argued on our form and put disagree but also put 1-2 times I believe. I sure hope that they at least show you the courtesy of exploring this in a an interview because everyone's idea of what an argument is can be varied. I think any time we are not immediately on the same page. Such as where to eat out for dinner. A discussion may last 5 minutes until we can finally agree on where to eat, or that we have different points of view on something that is political and we each give our point of view and then when we see its ot going anywhere we will agree to disagree. But I considered these disagreements when they asked this question.

I definitely would look into another agency. Luckily, in CA there are several FFA that work w/ the State. We are in the process of our homestudy and understand how your answers could be misconstrued. I do like that our family assessor will always ask for clarification since its hard to convey answers w/ one word. The purpose of the sessions is to delve deeper into your lives and get a better understanding of who you are individually as well as a couple. The questionnaires is just one part of the process and were never meant to be the final judge and jury. I hope you were provided more detail. FWIW, I would've been cranky if I had driven 2hrs and was given poor directions. Especially in CA traffic. Now talking about unrealistic expectations.

There's either more the the story or the individual you dealt with was new and/or inexperienced. There is NO way that any agency around my area would deny you on the basis of 'arguing two or three times a week.' That's completely unreal. There are many many many children that need a home and for them to deny a perfectly good family over the basis of some arguments is ridiculous.Did you and your husband have a fight while in the training? Were you snippy with the trainer because of the poor directions? Do either one of you have criminal records? How 'unreal' were your expectations? I know that, even in the case of you wanting a baby, that wouldn't be reason to deny the ability for you to proceed - we opened our home to babies a few months ago and in the span of just a few months were placed with five NEWBORNS - two that went to adoptive homes!! (we did not want to adopt)I would also venture to say that arguing with your husband - even in front of your children - is not unhealthy or damaging to them. In a matter of fact, it helps the children learn that adults can fight without hitting, yelling, or beating on each other. In reality, eveyone fights. I argue with my husband often and we have a very stable, healthy relationship. In fact, we accept placements that have a track record of failure and are great at turning those kids around, regardless of our weekly arguing. The fosters learn that adults make mistakes and say sorry and the world is all right again and that is a very important lesson for everyone to learn.

I agree about finding another agency. My agency is super picky like that, BUT at the same time they have one of the best reputations in our area. I think if more than one person took note of your attitude during training, then maybe that is something you need to work on. Keep in mind, once you start fostering, you WILL be under a microscope. You never know if someone watching is related to the system. This is why I'm extra careful out in public not to even ''look'' stressed lol. Foster parents are looked at like teachers, or clergy, we are held to higher standards. Also my hubs and I argue 2-3 times a week. We've been happily married for 18 yrs. Anyone who thinks arguing 1-2x a week is bad, probably isn't married or is living in lala land!

That unfortunate situation. I recommend you find a new agency. Ours is awesome. Not sure what area you are in but i would recommend them 100 percent.PM me for more info !Edited to remove agency name.

I think 'arguing' and 'fighting' are two TOTALLY different things.......! Most people tend to lump them together. A disagreement, with no raised voices, plenty of respect and fair play=normal and healthy A screaming match, name calling, throwing things, or fighting dirty= bad People disagree. It's HOW they disagree, how they speak to each other during that disagreement and how they resolve their disagreements that is very telling...

Of course. I do think of other cultures who are loud in general and demonstrative such as Italians. They could have a normal disagreement and to someone who's meek and mild it might look scary, lol. I also think most people's tones raise by a decimal or 2 when they disagree.... and there's nothing wrong with that either. I'm one that doesn't even like to disagree in front of my kids but my dh thinks it's healthy for them to see us have disagreements and still hug,kiss and laugh afterwards. We've never called each other names, or thrown things or stormed out of the room. Most normal couples DON'T argue like the Cleavers (did they even argue) but that doesn't mean that their way of arguing is wrong.

I think thats terrible that you guys got turned down. Same thing happened to us. Don't worry its not the end of the world. Matter of fact I got licensed with another agency and I am now licensed foster/adoptive family.

Matt - Please stop advertising your agency and/or posting asking for foster families to contact your agency. It's not allowed on our site. Thanks!:) Crick - Forums Administrator

My take is a bit different. From my point of view, too many people that should never have been approved get approved to foster/adopt-to the detriment of the kids. I can only guess that if you were say, "frustrated", enough at the CPR class for people to have noticed that frustration, there must have been something said or done to draw attention. I also don't buy that checking a box on a page resulted in them stopping before they got started. Remember, even in foster care, agencies get paid based on the numbers of kids they place and in places like NC, the rule is to find reasons to licenses, and not find reason's not to license. Again, I live with an adoption recruiter---and I've been shocked and amazed by how some folks who want to foster/adopt act. People who've just about cussed out staff because they felt paperwork wasn't sent out quick enough. People who really feel they are *entitled* to adopt a child---oh and it better be a perfect newborn with no pesky birth parents. ((I went to take something to my mother while she was working and one of the potential parents literally pointed at my son and said they didn't want a "defective one" like him.)) People who expect the agency to have trainings whenever and whereever the applicant wants. It just sounds to me, like whatever happened at the CPR class put you in that category--rightly or wrongly. If a two hour drive and crappy directions to a class designed to get you to where *you* want to be (ie a parent) set you off to the point others noticed, then what is going to happen when you have to set in the car for 2 hours with a cranky tired child awaiting a (birth) parent to show up to a visit that had been rescheduled to suit the parent 3x? So, my suggestion goes beyond assuming the staff was inexperiened or even going to another agency. I suggest looking at what happened from the agency's point of view. What scared them off? Address that, then either go to another agency or to go back to the agency and demonstrate that you have addressed the problem.

I feel like the mean person here but I think you might be too quick to be agitated. If someone at training noticed your frustration enough to report it to your FFA AND someone else was worried about your arguing 1-2 times a week (my husband and I have a true argument about 1-2 times a year) AND someone got a bad feeling about you I'd be looking in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I would definitely try another FFA but I'd also make sure to be more mindful of what I could do to improve my attitude. So many people blame others. "It was their fault," or "that person made me lose my cool," when really we, ourselves, could have responded more appropriately. So, take a deep breath, chalk this up to an experience and find another FFA that might suite you better in the long run. I LOVE my FFA and think they are the most supportive individuals. Don't know if you are in CA but maybe you might try them.

I'd definitely try another agency, I was brutally honest on my homestudy, and even admitted I drank a few times a week, I like a glass of wine at the end of the day to unwind, as I have a stressful job, and I am one of those people who just let things slide and hold them in. I journal alot, and it probably makes me a better foster mama because all the minor nit picky things that drive me crazy the kids don't see, like how I refold their clothing after they go to sleep, I am pretty OCD, and can only stand to look at matching hangers in a closet, all the clothes have to be sorted and hung a certain way etc. and my hubby has a issue with dirty kids. After visit at the park where they run crazy and play in dirt it's home and immediately in the bathtub for all of them. I'd say my agency has a love/hate relationship with me, they rarely hear from me, but when they do it's earth shattering call you at home at 9 pm on a Sunday stuff like when my 5 year old came home with a strangulation bruise around her next after a unsupervised weekend at moms. I picked her up at 5:30, got home at 7, by the time I got her in the bath and was helping her wash her hair and noticed it was 8, and I photographed, but her to bed, had a glass of wine, did a little meditation and then called, because it was all I could do to not want to strangle the person who she said did it. So, the point of my rant, is that even if they are little petty things, these kids don't need any extra drama, or condescending tones etc, so you might want to step back a moment and say, is there room for improvement, is this a sign that we should take some time to ourselves... etc as once you are approved you will have upteen social workers, CASA, GAL coming in and out of your home, scrutinizing your every move, you will have lots of appointments, and directions aren't always good, youll have a new pediatrician, dentist, eye dr, therapist, possibly even WIC or specialist appointments, their medical card may or may not cover the Dr closest to you, the visits may or may not be close to you, birthparents may or may not show up to visits, you will be on a emotional roller coaster from the first moment you get involved in foster care. Is it worth it. Yes without a doubt, even if my babies go home, every minute with these 3 freckle faced redheads has been worth it. The fistfights between 4 and 5 yr old sisters aver the only pink hairbow, who was going to marry Justin Beiber, to the 5 nights I slept in a chair in ICU when my 3 yr old boy aspirated on a popcorn kernel, the first weekend mom got unsupervised weekends back I couldn't sleep I was so nervous. Good luck! This is the most rewarding thing I have ever done!

I agree. Something isn't right with the agency's decision based on what the OP wrote. I agree that kids need to know that EVERYONE fights and how to 'fight fair'-without name calling, hitting, throwing things and having the police show up..etc.And they need to know that a fight doesn't mean you stop loving someone. You can work things out. Maybe, in this situation, the defination of "argue" was the problem. My sis-in-law would consider it an argument if she said to my brother "How many times did I tell you to take out the trash?" and he yelled back "You see that I'm busy!"-even though that was the end of it. Another person might consider an argument to be two people fighting over serious issues. They think "argue two times a week" -and think they're headed for divorce.