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I'm interested in opinions. My DD is 6.25 and in kindy. She came to us at 20 months. She has attachment issues, sensory delay (sensory seeker), and some traits of anxiety/OCD (gets "stuck" easily, perseverates). She is very impulsive. Cognitively she is within normal range.
As a sensory seeker, she has always liked physical touch and affection. In preschool/daycare, she and her little friends always hugged each other and some picked each other off the ground, etc.
Now she is in kindy. Her teacher thinks that she is the devil incarnate. Her teacher says "All of the other kids want to follow the rules and (DD) doesn't. None of them want to play with her because they all want to obey and she doesn't." Great, huh?
Anyway.... so one of the issues is that she is always hugging the other kids. It's not allowed. She's been told that time and time again at school and at home. The other kids have told her they don't like it (she grabs them super tight, tries to pick some of them up off the ground). We have talked about the fact that she likes it and would LOVE it were those things done to her, but other kids don't like it and are less likely to be her friend when she does this. (Her answer: But I really LIKE (whoever), Mama!)
What is this? Is it because she's sensation seeking? Is it because she just can't get it through her head that other kids don't like this (and why not??)? It is because of lack of impulse control? Is it to make me angry / get more attention when I try to talk to her about it because I'm getting the 8 billionth email from the teacher so I have to talk with her yet again about it?
Any insights??
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I would see how she does with a compression vest (not a weighted vest). It could honestly be ANY of what you mentioned, but my son is very sensory seeking, and also used to have a very hard time keeping his hands to himself. He loves to hug, tackle, push, etc-- anything to get some input.
We have a compression vest for when he seems completely out of control, but for the most part, he's been better able to control his impulses with a good sensory diet AND food changes (we removed all soy, dairy, and gluten). He is literally like a different kid.
My son is 3 1/2, and his OT has started working with him on understanding personal space, so I will assume your 6 year old is old enough to be taught that, as well.
Can she save up her hugs for you when she gets home? Or is there something she can hug at school? I'd start with a sensory approach first, and maybe daily practice with personal space.
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I agree with jmd5294; it could be any or all of the things you mention. Most of my kids take a long time to learn a new behavior or change a behavior. Changing a behavior is usually more difficult, too. (Sorry...!)I also second the suggestion of looking into diet (food and sensory) adjustments. I'm in the midst of food-diet changes with one of mine. Hoping to see a "different kid" here, too. But we definitely work to avoid dairy, and I think we're gonna go gluten free, too.Interesting article on that: [url=http://www.come-over.to/FAS/FASDnutrition.htm]Nutritional Interventions for Children with FASD[/url] It's from a FAS web site, but this article references autism spectrum and ADD/ADHD as well. And frankly, ANYTHING that benefits the gut is going to benefit the brain due to their interconnectedness.
DJ does this, too. Although it's been getting better. His friends started cringing when they saw him coming because he would always run pell mell at them and grab them in a huge hug that almost knocked them down! His therapist mentioned that this is common in dysregulated kids - they just don't get physical boundaries. He's a sensory seeker, too. So yeah. It could be a lot of things. Or a combination of things.
I agree that a compression vest is worth trying. We've also been coaching DJ on what to do when he sees his friends and having him do some calming breathing. We role play. His therapist is working with him on boundaries, too.
Do you think she's anxious or unhappy at school? I'm not sure how much you can do about it. But DJ was falling apart in a class with a teacher who saw him as defiant and attention seeking. A switch to a new teacher who is an adoptive parent herself and has a son who is very similar to DJ has made an amazing difference. (We got incredibly lucky with that!) He's just a lot less anxious and his behaviors have improved dramatically. Again, I'm not suggesting that a bad teacher/child dynamic is an easy thing to fix. But it's amazing the affect it can have.
OakShannon
Do you think she's anxious or unhappy at school?
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take a step back and look at how the school is influencing your feelings about YOUR child. Shes 6 and cant understand these concepts fully. In a different time your child would have been just regaurded as an independent thinker. Hugs, as a form sensory stimulation, is a good choice. How tight can a 6 year old really hug? How bad is a hug? hugs release oxytocin [url=http://kelleyward.hubpages.com/hub/Oxytocin-The-X-Factor-For-Connection]Oxytocin: Natural ways to Benefit from the 'Hugging Hormone'[/url] I think thats awesome that your daughter is trying to spread the love. Schools have rigid rules that children shouldnt need to follow. Parents need to question the school not their children. If she needs hugs maybe we should be schooling and parenting our children to fit their own mold and be themselves rather than fit one mold. No? im a 22 year old special needs adoptee who had a horrific schooling experience. I wish my parents would have been on my side realizing my needs not what the state and federal law mandates. Your daughter sounds like a sweetheart go give her a hug :)this book is the best advice I have for parents who want some help understanding their children[url=http://books.google.com/books/about/The_Primal_Wound.html?id=0VrpUvziME0C]The Primal Wound: A Transpersonal View of Trauma, Addiction, and Growth - John Firman - Google Books[/url]If you cant afford it I can mail my copy to you gladly =)
take a step back and look at how the school is influencing your feelings about YOUR child. Shes 6 and cant understand these concepts fully. In a different time your child would have been just regaurded as an independent thinker. Hugs, as a form sensory stimulation, is a good choice. How tight can a 6 year old really hug? How bad is a hug? hugs release oxytocin [url=http://kelleyward.hubpages.com/hub/Oxytocin-The-X-Factor-For-Connection]Oxytocin: Natural ways to Benefit from the 'Hugging Hormone'[/url] I think thats awesome that your daughter is trying to spread the love. Schools have rigid rules that children shouldnt need to follow. Parents need to question the school not their children. If she needs hugs maybe we should be schooling and parenting our children to fit their own mold and be themselves rather than fit one mold. No? im a 22 year old special needs adoptee who had a horrific schooling experience. I wish my parents would have been on my side realizing my needs not what the state and federal law mandates. Your daughter sounds like a sweetheart go give her a hug :)this book is the best advice I have for parents who want some help understanding their children[url=http://books.google.com/books/about/The_Primal_Wound.html?id=0VrpUvziME0C]The Primal Wound: A Transpersonal View of Trauma, Addiction, and Growth - John Firman - Google Books[/url]If you cant afford it I can mail my copy to you gladly =)
daretofly11
take a step back and look at how the school is influencing your feelings about YOUR child. Shes 6 and cant understand these concepts fully. In a different time your child would have been just regaurded as an independent thinker. Hugs, as a form sensory stimulation, is a good choice. How tight can a 6 year old really hug? How bad is a hug? hugs release oxytocin [url=http://kelleyward.hubpages.com/hub/Oxytocin-The-X-Factor-For-Connection]Oxytocin: Natural ways to Benefit from the 'Hugging Hormone'[/url] I think thats awesome that your daughter is trying to spread the love. Schools have rigid rules that children shouldnt need to follow. Parents need to question the school not their children. If she needs hugs maybe we should be schooling and parenting our children to fit their own mold and be themselves rather than fit one mold. No? im a 22 year old special needs adoptee who had a horrific schooling experience. I wish my parents would have been on my side realizing my needs not what the state and federal law mandates.
Your daughter sounds like a sweetheart go give her a hug :)
this book is the best advice I have for parents who want some help understanding their children
[url=http://books.google.com/books/about/The_Primal_Wound.html?id=0VrpUvziME0C]The Primal Wound: A Transpersonal View of Trauma, Addiction, and Growth - John Firman - Google Books[/url]
If you cant afford it I can mail my copy to you gladly =)
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The vest is a good idea. Sensory issues are interesting.
I will tell you that my child with OCD has a hard time comprehending why everyone wouldn't want to do things the way he does. He sometimes gets stuck there and it does cause issues. (The teacher's way is wrong and it should be this way etc) So she may really not understand why other kids wouldn't like it even if she believes other things she's told. I've not found a good way to convince him to change this thinking and often have to let natural consequences take care of it. I can tell the difference between his defiance and when his OCD is the issue, but other people can't. It can be frustrating.
My dd couldn't mange her impulsivity before we changed her diet. Dairy was the biggest for constantly touching and hugging. Gluten was key for hyperactivity. We are also additive free now which has made a big difference.
She still loves hugs herself so it's instinctual to hug others, but is able to follow rules about it now. Ahe couldnt have 2 yeara ago in K. She can't yet, however, consistently read the discomfort of other children to her behavior. She's improving, but has some challenges (dyslexia has been identified so far) that lead her to misinterpret or not even register others body language or facial expressions.
A new school with a principal and teachers who believe kids do the best they can has been very important. In K she said she was happy but had stomach aches and melt downs all the time. She rarely has those now after 2 years in her new school.
Yes I agree with diet :)
Suzeb1
My dd couldn't mange her impulsivity before we changed her diet. Dairy was the biggest for constantly touching and hugging. Gluten was key for hyperactivity. We are also additive free now which has made a big difference.
She still loves hugs herself so it's instinctual to hug others, but is able to follow rules about it now. Ahe couldnt have 2 yeara ago in K. She can't yet, however, consistently read the discomfort of other children to her behavior. She's improving, but has some challenges (dyslexia has been identified so far) that lead her to misinterpret or not even register others body language or facial expressions.
A new school with a principal and teachers who believe kids do the best they can has been very important. In K she said she was happy but had stomach aches and melt downs all the time. She rarely has those now after 2 years in her new school.
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