Being Investigated Over False Accusations

There's always two sides to a story. There are times that I am short with people and I think I'm hiding it well....until one of my family member tells me I came across rude. It stings but I'm glad they checked me b/c it shows me I need to work on it for the ''next'' time. The whole time I'm thinking, really....it showed, lol?! I say this respectfully, but after reading your posts lately you come across as being really stressed out. Maybe it is time to take a break? Taking a break is not saying you are weak, just that it's time for a break. We all need one at various times in our lives.

I am with the county and I am definitely considering looking into a private agency. I don't want to give up doing foster care but this is ridiculous. They treated me horribly over one bad day. They have had bad days and were rude to me and I smiled and said no worries, it happens. I have always done everything they asked. My foster home coordinator was present for the meeting and she was very quiet through all of it. She called me ahead of time and warned me so I was prepared for it. She agreed that I wasn't being treated unfairly but there was nothing she could do about it. I am going to bite my tongue and stick it out for now for Cinderella's sake. But as soon as the adoption finalized I will either be switching to private or switching to a different county. The only reason we stayed with this county is because I have always had so much respect for them. I no longer have that respect so I no longer have any incentive to continue to be a resource for this county. @inshape Please note that I never said I wasn't short with them. I agreed that I was upset and had a bad day. The problem here is that I have been with this agency for 2 and a half years and have had a perfect record. It is absolutely unfair that one bad day which I apologized for undoes 2 and a half years of not a single complaint and nothing but praise from other social workers. Also, please don't assume that I am completely stressed all the time. If you take the time to read my posts you should have noticed how spaced out they all are. I generally enjoy this forum because it is a place I can vent anonymously to people who understand what I am going through. I am a specialty foster home. I am contracted by the county. I get two weeks off a year and that is it. I don't get to take a break whenever I feel like it or I lose my status. And in no way am I stressed from my kids right now. I am stressed by that complete disloyalty from an agency I have always been loyal to.

I hope all is well with your day now. It can be VERY frustrating when you feel personally attacked by your agency, especially since this was the 1st instance in your entire fostering time. Just hold your head up and don't let it get to you. I don't think InShape was trying to be judgemental or mean in anyway. I understand what she is saying. I will sometimes get a tone with people on the phone at work. I wont even realize it at times...I will just be tired or frustrated and my words start being clipped.... While this is a bad day for you, your worker may have been having a bad week or a bad day as well....I am not saying you were wrong....I am just saying your one bad day may have had more of an impact on yoru caseworker who was on the recieving end. Everyone is just trying to do what is best for these kiddos. While being a foster parent is VERY stressful, being a caseworker has to be equally as stressful. I like the suggestion of sending out a nice email to reiterate your apology. Not neccesarily because you were wrong to be upset, but instead in order to smooth out any tension between you and the agency. A small effort can really make things easier in the long run.

My apologies. I mistook you for another forum member who has an almost identical screen name as you! She has been having issues too. I didn't realize that you were NOT the same person until I saw your post count. Please forgive my comment that you seemed stressed out, as you are not the member I thought I was responding to.

Thank you for understanding what I was saying. Also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news for folks, but just b/c a FP has a good rep with the agency, doesn't mean that the agency will always go to bat for you, be understanding, or even bail you out of investigations. I've witnessed this with my own eyes. I saw a FP who was with an agency for 5 yrs. Good track record, no major complaints. She had one accusation and not one person from her agency went to bat for her when the state tried to take her license.

ha, I thought at first it was TemporaryMom too. I thought, "OMG, BE's mom finally made a accusation!" and then as I was reading I was like, "I thought this kid could barely speak, how could he talk to the CW about something at dinner?" and eventually I finally realized this was someone totally different. OP - it is appalling that they would threaten to yank your license because you were RUDE to a SW. obviously I wasn't there so I have no idea if you really were rude or not, but you were being accused of something you didn't do and if you came across as rude it should have been understandable. Some of these SWs just seem like power-mad toads.

Oh geez! I'm so sorry. These SWs treat us like dirt but they want us to turn around and kiss their butts. When a FP sticks up for themself and doesn't just bow down to their threats, lies and BS they get all worked up and offended. You did the right thing sticking up for yourself. Please understand that these SWs ALWAYS will use the "I'll Pull Your License Card"! Its their tool to try to scare you into behaving the way they want you to behave. I know you're probably so stressed out right now...don't be. It will pass and that SW knows now that you can't be pushed around. Again, sorry you're going through this.

No advice here, just wanted to wish you well with this. This exact thought came through my head this morning, on our way to school. It was cooler this morning than it has been for a week, and we're already wearing shorts and t shirts here. Well, the kids could have used a light jacket or something, but really, just for getting into the car, I wasn't going back for them. The little one had an early doctor appointment, and the older kids wouldn't be needing their jackets by the time their school has outside play time.But instead of asking me WHY we didn't have jackets today, FS says to DS, "Mommy NEVER lets us bring our jackets to school. Even when it's freezing cold outside."Um yeah. It's easily been a month since they needed jackets at all, and before that, I was giving them their jackets even when it would be too warm for them by the afternoon.So I called FS out on it, and said, "You know that isn't true. Don't say things that aren't true. The truth is, you wish you had your jacket today, and we forgot it. Both of us forgot. One time, NOT every day."I realized that he says things like this all the time, and if he were telling his mom these things every week, I'd be in some big trouble. Just about everything he says is a sweeping generalization, and it can add up to sound like a horrific situation. (He had to undergo anesthesia for some dental work, and wasn't allowed to eat the day before, or for a few hours after. I told him he wasn't allowed to eat yet, that the doctor said so, etc. and he just kept repeating, "You never let me have any food. I'm starving! You're mean for not feeding me." Can you imagine what a bio would do with that???)I hope this all blows over for you soon and that you can clarify your side of things. This is the kind of thing that makes me want to limit my license to babies.

@inshape Thank you for clarifying. I am going to admit I was awfully confused by your post. I know me and Temporary Mom have such a similar name it can get confusing. My coordinator is coming over tomorrow morning. I am going to talk to her about how I feel. I truly don't believe I was rude to this particular social worker. I never raised my voice and I maintained a professional demeanor the whole time I was on the phone. But the social worker kept claiming I did something I didn't and I kept saying to her "I am sorry but I respectfully disagree with what you are saying". I also apologized several times during the course of the phone call and told her that I was not trying to be difficult but I wasn't going to admit to something that didn't happen and I have multiple adults who were present at the time and will verify I am telling the truth. The problem here is that the coordinators and the department head have worked with me for so long that they know me better than that. And even if that social worker was offended, their reaction to it was unacceptable to me. To come out and threaten to pull my license over one bad day? I just feel betrayed by the whole thing.

Omigosh. We had to have a talk with Cinderella about how she words things too. The social workers don't understand her sense of humor. When they came last month they asked how she was doing and she told them "Just fine. Well, you know except for the beatings and the brainwashing." I just about died. Thankfully her SW took it for the joke it was but me and Cinderella had a long talk about not joking with SW like that.

Hahaha! I knew that was going to happen one day! Me? Stressed out? [looking over shoulder] Surely you jest!? ;-) Actually, after my last-not-totally-well-received thread, I got some great ideas percolating and my stress is going down quickly. Sorry to stick my hose in your thread TempMommy. :-) IMHO, this is where your Foster Coordinator (we called them Foster WOrker's in my county) should be taking your back. Doesn't sound like she is. I have to say, having been forced to move to a private agency, I would not willingly do it. With the private agency, I have NO ONE to take my side. There is no worker for me. The child has a CW through county, and a Case Manager through the private agency. So really, there is nobody to stand up for me. But, even though she meant me, I do agree with taking a break. One thing you may learn about some people, not everyone is secure enough in their self to admit that they went too far. So even if YOU admit that you were short and having a bad day, the worker isn't going to admit it, so you are at an impasse. I hear chocolate helps a lot in these cases. At least that is what my hips tell me.

Honestly I think she was afraid to take my side. I am under the impression it came down to politics. It was worded to me that "for reasons she cannot professionally tell me, the supervisor values that caseworkers word above others". This reads to me that they are best friends and I pissed off the bosses best friend. GRRR. Anyways. I hope your stress gets better. Makes much more sense now that I know they mixed us up. I was like wait I havent even been online in like 2 months. lol. I havent had any placements since December. You are right about the social worker not going to admit it. I talked to her several times today as my kids are reunifying on Monday. I was polite, engaged, and over-friendly. She was very tentative. If all else fails I will at least kill her with kindness and make her feel bad about reporting me. ;)

So my coordinator came today to "debrief". I told her honestly how I feel about all this and how terrified I am. She told me that when she got back to the office on Tuesday she confronted the department head about what happened. I guess they talked quite a bit and the department head had calmed down. It really did come down to politics. She said my license is not in jeopardy. What she told me to do is basically smile and nod when the other social workers talk to me and then call her to complain. I feel so much better after talking to her about everything. I also talked to a private agency about potentially switching in the future and they are very supportive. They said that most of their homes come from county homes who were dissatisfied with the support and the majority of those homes stay with them long term. So it is definitely a thought for the future.

I'm glad you were able to get some peace out of the situation. Put that CW at the top of your list of people you never want to work with again. I've known FP to turn down placements over the worker assigned to it.

Unfortunately I don't get to pick and choose social workers nor do they get to pick me. I am an emergency intake home. I am paid a stipend to keep beds open for the county. I have to be available 24/7 and the only reason I would be allowed to say no is if I had no bed space or was over my licensed limit for foster children. However, the plus side is there are 75 social workers in our county and I rarely work with the same ones over and over. Also, with the exception of Cinderella I rarely have kids in my home for longer than 30 days so even if I can't stand the social worker, I don't have to deal with them very long.