Sibling visits after adoption?

I get that you want to be the only family, but the fact is you are not. You can't change the fact the child is adopted, has birth parents, and has siblings. I disagree with wanting to end sibling contact. As long as it is safe, I think sibling relationships need to be maintained. Unless the child doesn't want to continue them.A word of caution - from an adoptee - trying to replace the bio family will only cause hurt and resentment toward you one day. You need to embrace the child's past. Not remembering it isn't the issue. Are you planning on hiding the fact the child is adopted? If not, embrace the extended family. Because that is what the bio family is. Part of the family. And just because siblings know each other doesn't mean the child will be just like the bio parents. You can't hold another child responsible for the bio parents actions. Sorry but your words sadden me. I urge you to reconsider. Talk to other adoptees. Understand how the child would feel about this.

I'm having an open adoption with the siblings. They will see each other and stay the night at each others house a couple of weekends a month. That way we get a break, and they get to grow up knowing each other.

All relatives were contacted when Big Eyes was born. Every single one of them refused to care for the baby. I have information for the siblings if needed in the future. Due to birth parents history and lifestyle, safety is a major concern of ours, and I will leave it at that. It is such a concern of ours that we decided to move after the adoption is final. If Big Eyes asks about siblings, we are more than willing to share what we have at that time. In general, I agree sibling visits are important, but not when it will put my life, or my families in jeopardy. I hope this clarifies some things for the members that responded to my post. And yes, we are telling Big Eyes that he was adopted when we feel its appropriate.

Birth family will not always be there, they did not want to take placement of Big Eyes. Not even a single one of them.

Since there is a concern regarding safety and you already plan on leaving the area it sounds like you have your mind already made up and that is fine. There is no rule that you HAVE TO have contact with birthfamily (even sibs) and there is nothing wrong with a closed adoption. Infact in some ways and situations, it is better. We've experienced both and seen the good and bad of both. The biggest thing is that you have to be true to yourself and what you will feel comfortable with since it will be you that has to live with it. There will be plenty of time in the future for a reunion if your child wants on and for them to get to know their siblings. There is something to be said about having a "normal" childhood and being securely grounded in your adoptive family without being constantly reminded of the loss. There will always be loss in adoption. Nothing will change that fact. No amount of sibling contact after adoption will erase that loss, and in some ways, having contact just magnifies that loss ten fold. If you feel that closing the adoption for now is the best for your child and your family than you should do it. There are many advocates for open adoption who imply it is always best for the child but I have seen both sides with my 4 adoptions and I have seen that it is not always the case. Each situation is so unique.

momof6 - you said you have seen the good and bad of open/closed adoptions. I am curious for my own knowing what were the "bad" for closed adoptions?

to clarify ... by "be there" I meant "exists". Obviously if they could've truly been there for him you wouldn't be adopting him. momof6maybemore's post is perfect.

I think YOU should do what you feel is right for YOUR family. This whole issue with open adoptions and crazy bio families is, Imo, overrated ... all the kids that were adopted internationally don't have open adoptions, nor do they hang out with bio families and they are doing just fine! Our adoption is closed also.....my son BROKE THE CIRCLE of a livestyle of drugs, foster care of every kid born in that family, alcoholism, jail etc....why would I in my right mind want to object my son to these people? So they can drag him down in their gutter when he is older? I think NOT! do what you think is right, and stick with it. Best wishes :)

Just because no one stepped foreward to take big eyes doesn't mean no one cares. Maybe they just know it's not in Big Eye's best interest or for some reason they can not take him in.

You said exactly what I was thinking, and in a better choice of words!

We have kept in touch with AD/AS's half brother. He is about 10 months younger than AS and went to his paternal grandparents when they were taken into custody. The paternal grandparents could not take our two. The half brother now lives with his father. We do not allow visitation with his father as there was a lot of DV between birth mom and half brother's dad, but the paternal grandparents facilitate visitaiton and act like our kids grandparents. We see them monthly. They also have 2 older half siblings. They live with their father. We have no contact info for them, and dont even know their names. However, if we get that info, we might to pictures/letters.

Good :) Grandpa of my AS wanted "contact"... so I did a little public record research ...3 pages later of reading one confiction after another...my mind was made up. Meanwhile bm is charged for prostitution and bio dad was shot and killed in a drug related incident. THOSE are the people I will keep my son safe from!!

I agree that only YOU can decide what is best for your family.Also, I know many people say open adoption is best, but there is NO research to prove this whatsoever. It is too new of a movement to know yet.

I guess I assumed sibs were not with the bios. That is a different story. I wouldn't advocate for contact if bios are involved. (meaning mom and dad). But I would maybe ask for pictures or something of the sibs so your kiddo has some sort of connection. I am not an advocate of open adoption. We have sibs we are adopting and they have other sibs who are also being adopted. We are maintaing sib contact but that is it. If bios were to ask for open adoption, I would only agree to ME sending letters once or twice a year. My concern was when you said you are their family now. Just remember that while you are their family, the bios will always be their family too in some way or another. And one day they may search them out.

My Princess will be starting sib visits next week. There are many siblings, but she will be visiting with 2. There is no plan to place them together. As a matter of fact, her dad signed an identified surrender today. My princess is a year old and at first I was very apprehensive. Apprehensive because, why now? She hasn't had sibling visits before hand. Why now, when we're in the adoption phase? But when I thought about it, I feel I have to relinquish a little control and, hey, it's 2 hours every 2 weeks until finalization. Fine, I'll play ball. it won't hurt her. 4 hours a month. It's not worth me stressing and obsessing over. I DID request to transport the first 2 visits. I DID NOT want a stranger picking up my baby and taking her to parts unknown, lol! But after that, they can transport. Gives me time to run errands or have pizza with the big boys. This will be over soon, and after finalization, yes, I hope to keep up visitation, albeit unstructured. I don't want demands on my time. But yes, they will visit as much as possible. I was also told that sibling visits needed to occur so that way CPS can say that they are maintaining family ties. Even before adoption.Fine by me.