How Do I(We) Know this is Right?

It took awhile for me to accept that my son was "really" my son. Part of this, for me, was the way his adoption happened - I had been in process for about 18 months, had several "almost" placements, was feeling like it was never going to happen, and then got a call for my 6-day-old son. I was on the other side of the country with a baby in my arms less than 48 hours after I knew I was going to be a mom, so I was a bit shell-shocked, which I'm sure made feeling like a real mom harder. However, there is still the knowledge that, as much as he IS my son, he is also someone else's son. There is a family out there who he looks like, some of whose mannerisms he inherited (I know this just from the one time we met), and who can offer him the biological connection I can't. So it is different, but I don't think he feels any less like my son than a biological child would (though I can't really compare, having no bio kids). Okay, this is going to sound judgmental, but anyone who actually dislikes their child because of how their life has changed probably shouldn't have had kids. We all miss things, as eagleswing said. I miss sleeping in (my kiddo is a super early riser). Some mornings I groan and wish he would just go back to sleep, but I don't dislike him for it. And I would never, ever trade the joy of being his mom for anything that I once had. Like eagleswing, I adopted an infant and also have worked with many kids in foster care; I also have several friends who have adopted from foster care. Some kids want to be adopted, some don't. Some choose to be adopted because they think it will make things better, and it doesn't. The kids and families I have seen struggle most are those where the parents had unrealistic expectations. Many were families who seemed to feel like the child needed to somehow justify their adoption, by blossoming and being some sort of shining star. Honestly, yes, some people will judge you. I'm single and, as far as I know, capable of having children. I could have used donor sperm and tried for a pregnancy, but I chose not to. I know some people think that I shouldn't have adopted, or that I am somehow taking something away from infertile couples. Some people think I shouldn't have become a parent at all. Is that potential judgment enough to make you give up your choice to become parents? Or to make you try for a bio child knowing that child will likely have significant medical challenges? You know what is right for your family, and other people's judgments are their problem; don't make someone else's issue yours.

Thanks so much for replying its really giving us alot to think about. I do have a few more if you guys dont mind: 1) How difficult was the adoption process really? I know that now you have your children and it was all worth it of course but I am really worried about how long and difficult it will be particularly because we can/could go the "traditional" route. In other words, what it if we go thru the whole process and then want more children? 2) Do social workers have permanent access to you, your family, your children, and how you run your life in general? We are very private people, home study seems terrifying. 3) How is a child chosen? It feels odd to me to look at photo listing and just choose one life over another so how does it work? Thanks for all your help

Hi, Well I guess if its only one or the other then foster to adoption. We think we'd like a child in the 3 to 8 range.

Even if you are able to have your own children there is nothing that can stop you from adopting kids. I think its a brave decision as well as you will be giving a better life to a not so fortunate child. So just go for it.