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I've been considering adopting for quite a while and it's something I very much want to do a few years from now. I want to adopt one or two older kids from foster care. However, I have some major concerns that my past will come back to haunt me and I was hoping someone here has some knowledge or experience and could give me some factual info about what I may have in store and what my chances are.
Like I said I want to adopt from foster care and I have little doubt myself that I could be a great parent. I've worked with kids and tend to have a good rapport with most kids. I have also been in foster care myself and believe that my own experience could be very helpful in understanding and helping a child coming out of foster care.
Unfortunately though I went through some hard times as a teen and got involved with hard drugs. I later got clean and did well for a couple of years whereby I relapsed on prescription drugs that I was given after having my wisdom teeth pulled. After a while I once again got into using street drugs and spent a year and a half trying and failing to detox and stay clean. During that time I was arrested twice but the charges was dropped in both cases and the records have been expunged. I believe the records could still be seen by DCFS though.
I eventually did get into treatment and in November of this year I will have been clean and sober for ten years.
I have very little in common now with the person I was ten years ago and I never, ever want to go back to the living hell of active addiction. I'd rather die than to live like that again and I make sure not to take any risks with medications and I don't drink. I now work in a job I love and I'm slowly but surely working towards a BSW which I plan to have completed before I adopt. I also volunteer with animals on my spare time and I have a few four legged kids who are my world.
I rent right now but if all goes as planned I will buy a little house within a few years. I plan to move to an area with good schools, good resources for any problems that may come up and where there is a good racial mix considering that the majority of foster kids needing a forever family are African American and I'm not.
Unless I meet prince charming in the near future I would be adopting as single (I'm divorced but still have a great relationship with my ex).
My plan/hope is to finish my BSW, buy a house or rent a bigger place and in about five years start the adoption process. I know that getting my degree and a house will be very doable but with my past of drug addiction and arrests I fear that I would not be allowed to adopt.
I've done some research about what the law says in my state and according to the law I would not be automatically excluded but that doesn't mean that I would be approved. I would like some input from those who are knowledgeable about the home study process about what my chances are, etc. I understand that nobody could give me a definite answer so I'm mainly asking for an educated guess.
Thank you,
Keelah
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Keelah,
This will depend on your agency/state. Your best bet is to reach out and ask
in our state, this would depend on how recent the arrest and the violence level of the act
there were recovering addicts in my class. I believe that perspective.. that life experience can only help our children deal <3
good luck
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Keelah
I understand that nobody could give me a definite answer so I'm mainly asking for an educated guess.
You say the arrests were 10+ years ago? As long as they were not violent crimes or crimes against children, and as long as you are honest with the social worker about them, I doubt it would hinder you from adopting. It would definitely be a topic of discussion during the homestudy; they will want to know that you are in a good place and likely to remain in a good place, that you have support, all those kinds of things. As you have said, your past also gives you some very positive tools - both compassion and kindness, and also you would be quicker to recognize some of the signs of negative behaviors, including drug use, that kids might try to hide.
A single problem with drugs, ten years or more in the past and never repeated, might be acceptable. Unfortunately, I must say that most agencies will not be so accepting of a person who was addicted to street drugs and got clean, then got addicted to prescription drugs and got clean, and then went back to street drugs again. While they might commend you on staying drug-free for the past ten years, they will probably consider you too high risk, because parenting is very stressful. They are likely to think, "If she runs in to money problems because raising a kid is expensive, or if she loses her job, or if her child has some issues that make parenting tough, is she going to turn to drugs again? In the past, she dealt with stress by using drugs; is there any proof she won't do the same thing?"
However, you really need to talk to some homestudy and placement agencies and see what they say. Be honest with them. And do disclose the arrests. Expunged records have a nasty habit of showing up, just when you think they are gone.
Sharon
Where I live, crimes that far in the past would not exclude you from adopting unless they were violent and/or against children.Trying to hide your past would exclude you, though, so please do be honest and forthright about what happened and what you learned from it.Be prepared for a lot of scrutiny. You'll be fighting a bit of an uphill battle to prove your stability and sobriety. Adoptive parents aren't expected to be perfect, though, and sometimes a negative past can help you be more empathetic to kids from difficult backgrounds.I can't promise you'll be allowed to adopt, but I think it's very possible and worth a try.
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Thanks to everyone who's taken time to respond to me. I feel much more hopeful that I may have a chance to become a parent through adoption and/or foster care. I really do believe that I could be a good parent to an older child and I hope that my own experience of being in foster care could be helpful in understanding my child's experience. I do intend to take whatever classes are available and build up a support system. I also don't intend to start the process for a few more years so at that time I will have more time and experience to show that I'm not high risk. My own mother is an abusive alcoholic and I would never even consider having children if I thought that I would risk putting the child/ren through what I went through. I'd stick to my 4-legged kids.
My arrests were not for anything violent so hopefully that won't bar me from adopting. I was arrested for drug possession and disorderly conduct. I'm pretty sure that although it's been expunged it will show up in a background check. But I hope that the home study agency will take into consideration what I've done since and that I've changed my life.
I just wanted to clarify some stuff to Sharon. I did not use illegal drugs, got clean, used prescription drugs, got clean and relapsed again due to stress. I relapsed once in my early 20's after a couple of years clean because I was prescribed opiate pain medication from a dentist which lead me to return to illicit drugs. I know now to be very careful with certain medications and my doctor and dentist knows that too. I'm a very different person now than I was in my teens and early 20's I've been through treatment and have learned coping mechanisms. I hope I can show the home study agency that I'm not high risk.
Thanks again to everyone who responded.
sak9645
A single problem with drugs, ten years or more in the past and never repeated, might be acceptable. Unfortunately, I must say that most agencies will not be so accepting of a person who was addicted to street drugs and got clean, then got addicted to prescription drugs and got clean, and then went back to street drugs again. While they might commend you on staying drug-free for the past ten years, they will probably consider you too high risk, because parenting is very stressful. They are likely to think, "If she runs in to money problems because raising a kid is expensive, or if she loses her job, or if her child has some issues that make parenting tough, is she going to turn to drugs again? In the past, she dealt with stress by using drugs; is there any proof she won't do the same thing?"