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So, nearly 12 yrs. ago (his birthday is 9/17/01), I gave my son up for adoption. I hand-picked his adoptive parents, and they have been great throughout the whole ordeal, and have kept their word about keeping me updated and sending pictures throughout the years, so I feel really blessed about that. Anyhow, so I got a call last week saying that my 11.5 yr. old son told his dad that he wants to meet me! (He's known from the beginning that he was adopted). I could not believe it! I have felt SO many mixed emotions about it (mainly happy!), but I am also super-nervous about the meeting and scared that he might have extremely high expectations of me, and I also am worried that I might somehow disappoint him. I want to be very well-prepared for the meeting, and be able to answer all of his questions thoroughly. I guess what worries me is that he is SO young! Most kids don't seek out their birth-parents until they are adults, so...I don't know if this is a good or bad thing! Also, we live in different states, and I'm actually preparing to move even farther away, so I don't know how we could continue to have a close relationship (if that's what he wants) if we live so far apart. Does anyone have any suggestions for me, or can give me any examples of similar situations (like, a child his age already wanting to meet his birthmother)? Thank you so much! The meeting is this Thursday, so I need advice ASAP!
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How exciting! Well, his age actually doesn't surprise me. When I was that age I started getting curious as well, but was never able to get past the searching stage. My birth mom definatly does not want contact. I've heard about a lot of kids in the pre-teen and early teens starting to search as well. It's just that age where you are trying to define yourself and birth parents really help to do that. You have to prepare for things to go both good and bad. He may seem a little disappointed, or he might not. It's really hard to say because everyone has different pictures of their parents in their head and of what they want from their parents. Because he is so young it carries both good and bad with it. On the good side, he will always have that memory and he knows that you would enjoy some kind of contact and visits. On the bad side, younger kids sometimes fantasize the whole thing and can have higher expectations. He may not be wowed at first, which means he may not want to really visit again for a while, but as he grows up he will learn to appreciate it and probably become more willing to have a better relationship. It could go super well too. Maybe he will want constant contact, whether it's letters or e-mails or face time, or visits a couple times of a year. Some kids really enjoy that. I would just recommend you keep the adoptive parents in the loop so they don't feel like you are trying to take him back or turn him against them. It sounds like they are very on board which is great. Keep us updated!
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