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I just spent the last 3 hours composing a letter for my birth mother. This is not the first time I wrote one, but usually I tear them up after. I actually addressed this one and put a stamp on. I haven't mailed it yet, I'll do it on my way to work tomorow. But I know this one will be mailed because like my hubby says, I'm too cheap to waste a stamp.
I have always known I was adopted but until 7 years ago I was searching for the wrong people thanks to my a-parents. When I found out the truth I tried to write 7 years ago. I only had an address for him, not her, i kept chickening out, I felt really intimidated. There is a long dramatic story that I will save for another day. From what I know, they don't seem like good people. But at the same time, I have those empty holes that need to be filled. I know now, I look a lot like him, but did I get anything from her. Where do my artsy abilities come from? What is my ethnic backround? Does cancer run in thier families?
I am not expecting a teary eyed Oprah type reunion? Just the courtesy of those questions being answered. For seven years I have told myself that it didn't matter, that what little I know would be enough. But it isn't. Yesterday I recieved a package from my stepdad, he was cleaning out some of my late mom's files and thought I would want her copy of my adoption papers. Seeing the papers again brought all the old emotions back to the surface. I sunk deep, called in sick to work this morning.
Then I found this website. Reading all of your tales gave me the courage today to write the darn letter. I'm not sure how I feel right now, a little numb maybe. But it's done. Hopefully I will have the courage this weekend to write to him.
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Jlynnaron,Welcome! I'm really excited for you, and I hope you get the answers that you are seeking from your b-parents.Of course, you need to be cautious. Even though they are related, they are strangers to you. BUT, sometimes what we have been told about our b-parents is not 100% accurate, so please do keep an open mind as you attempt contact with them.I hope they will at least answer your questions. It is the right thing to do, but some do not even do that for their adopted out children. (You need to be prepared for that possibility as well.)I would recommend holding off on sending a letter to your b-father right now. Reunions, no matter how they go, tend to hit us harder than we think they will. And, it is recommended that you attempt to reunite with one side of your family at a time. If you mailed the letter this morning, congratulations, you've begun the journey. If you didn't do it yet, that's okay. You simply were not yet ready.
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Jlynnaron,Wow. You took a big step in writing that letter. And a bigger one in putting the stamp on it. That felt a lot like making a commitment to making contact, didn't it? Did you manage to get that letter in the mail today? I'm in the middle of putting my thoughts into a letter, and it's been slow going for me for a variety of reasons. I can already picture a stamped envelope sitting on the table by my door. I don't know how long it will sit there before I'll have the courage to walk it out and get it to a mailbox...Of course, you never really can predict how your letter will be received, but I hope you will get the answers you need. That should be every adopted child's right, though I've certainly heard of people who've been rejected entirely. Try keeping an open mind about these people who are somehow such precious strangers. Try to give them time to get their own thoughts in order. And I agree with L4R above - try to hold off on reaching out to both sides at the same time. No matter how things go, this is bound to be a very emotional situation for a while. I have to imagine it will be a bit easier on you if you face one reunion at a time...I hope you are received with compassion and kindness, and are at peace with your decision to reach out.I wish you the best of luck.
Thanks L4R and emerald. Yes I did mail it this morning. When our mail lady pciked it up at work, I almost asked for it back. But, I am so frugal I really can't bear to waste a stamp,lol.
I think this was the best letter, all the ones I've attempted before werent meant to be sent. I used a different tact this time. I put myself in her shoes and understood how hard this will be for her to read regardless of whether she has been hoping for this or praying I never find her.
Now the ball will be in her court. I'm trying to remind myself that I can't force people to want to be a part of my life, and that it isn't a refelction of me as a person. I am blessed with an awesome partner that loves me, my daughter adores me, I have enough love in my life that I don't need birth parents to love me. I didn't understand that until I was almost 40. Ironically, even knowing this, I'm still a nervous wreck.
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