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If you have read any of my other posts you know we are having lots of trouble with our 15 yr old son. He recently came home from RTC and TFC. He is having difficulty with so many things esp. school which never use to be a problem. He has traditionally acted up more when my husband is at work and that hasn't changed. My husband works 12 hr shifts and every other weekend he works fri. sat. and sun. This is one of those weekends. Yesterday he was off though because there was a festival at our youngest sons school that we helped at. This morning I knew it wasn't going to be a good day. His older brother is going to his girlfriends house after church and I had already told the 15 yr old he was going to help me this afternoon rearrange things in younger ones room. He started in on youngest brother(everything is always the 10 yr old's fault). Took off and said he wasn't going to church. In our house church is not an option. We go every Sunday. On weekends my husband works someone from church picks us up because I can't drive due to a disability. Came back in and started on little guy again. When the person who was picking us up texted he was on way the 15 yr old started in on the 10 yr old again. He told him to stop and he didn't so 10 yr old did something he isn't suppose to and spit at him. 15 yr old flipped out before I could do anything about it and tried to hurt him and then took off saying he wasn't going to church. When our ride got here the 15 yr old wasn't around. So I couldn't go and neither could the 10 yr old.( the 10 yr old has his own issues and needs an adult with him). As soon as car pulled out of driveway 15 yr old was at back door. He was hoping we had gone so he could break in house and steal and destroy things like he had done in past. He came in and proceeded to throw things and break things. Told me I can't do anything about it and he doesn't have to listen to me because I can't make him do anything. He loves to not listen to me because he is bigger then me and since I have a disability he feels he doesn't have to listen because I can't chase him or do anything. He then said he was going to church and tried to get 10 yr old to go with him(at this point 10 yr old wouldn't leave my side because he was scared.) 15 yr old then started on his verbal assault. You didn't want to go to church or you would call someone else- your to afraid to ask for a ride, I wish you were all dead I would be much happier, I am not going to school tomorrow,go call someone like you always do because you can't handle it etc. He has calmed down now but if I tell him to do something like clean up glass he broke from picture frames then I hear more but he does do it then just not right away.
Just don't know what to do anymore. The agency the TFC home was with believes he met all goals because they wouldn't listen to us and believed what he told them. We are getting family based services which I do like but it isn't working.Two weeks ago when my husband worked weekend on Sunday he stole over $70 from my backpack and went and bought himself a cell phone which he couldn't use because need internet to activate. He isn't allowed unsupervised access to internet because he tries to get porn which is also one of reasons he can't have phone (also inappropriate texting). When I caught him he wrote a suicide note and clipped it on fridge. Spent several hours in er before they sent him home requesting more services. He already gets highest level of out patient services. They are going to recommend partial hospitalization for summer though. So it is the same as it was before every other weekend he is going to do his best to get hospitalized and then blame it on me and 10 yr old. Around here there is no one who understands RAD and works with it. Anything I have seen about it is more for use with a smaller child. Is there anything out there for working with a 15 yr old?
Sorry I am rambling again just not having a good day and don't see it getting any better soon. Doesn't help that we just found out last night that a good friend of ours who is the Godfather of our oldest 3 boys has stage 4 cancer and doesn't have long to live.
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I ask this with all gentleness: have you considered involving the police when he rages and destroys? you do not have to put up with this and there is indeed something you can do about it. it was the scariest, sickest feeling I ever had when we had to have the police come for my boy during what turned out to be his very last epic rage. something about the cops coming, handcuffing him to the gurney for the ambulance, and then the questioning at the hospital seemed to put a cap on it for him.
that's not to say that he stopped--he just never got that bad again. that was 10 years ago.
I so hear you. and I wish I could give you foolproof advice--but you'd be getting it from a fool. it's hard, it's lonely, and it's sad.
as bad as it was to have Sonny taken to the hospital by the police, it turned out to be the best thing for him. because of police involvement, the hospital took it seriously. that night the doctor on duty happened to be one who knew a fantastic p-doc who really listened and helped. that night was the beginning for us.
((((hugs)))) I pray you find the services you need.
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we have called the police in the past. two years ago he tried to break into our room(which is kept locked because of him) and then tried to break down bathroom door where I was with youngest son. I thought he had a hammer but it turned out it was only a screwdriver. He banged so hard he broke door jam and I feared if he got in bathroom me or other son would be injured or killed. I called 911 but of course by the time they got here he had calmed down. They made a joke out of it because it wasn't a hammer. When little one came out of bathroom and I bent down to put towel around him and one officer said don't hit him. The incident was all over porn magazines I had taken from his room and one officer joked should we take them as evidence and laughed. Since then police have been called a couple times usually to escort him to hospital. First time he really enjoyed riding in police car. Thought it was fun. When he was in TFC he kept running away and police had to bring him to hospital. The one time because he had told them if the door gets open he was going to run he was handcuffed to go into hospital. He likes it.I am always hesitant to call police around here though because they are often useless.Two weeks ago his therapist wanted us to call to have them take him to hospital and I told her that they don't listen to us so she called and they did come and escort him.He calmed down once it was too late to go to church. So now I can figure every other week I will be missing church because it worked today so he will do it all the time.
First of all, sending tons of hugs and kind thoughts your way. Sometimes people sound overwhelmed because they just can't handle it, you sound overwhelmed because it CAN'T be handled. You should try to video tape the rages for the family based therapy and the agency that says all is well. Is respite one of the services you get? Perhaps you can request that respite be provided so that the rest of the family can go to church, since that seems very important to you. Just some ideas for work arounds. Nothing is going to make it better as long as he is in your house is my gut feeling. I feel so bad for you all (well, not really for him, but that is probably a character defect in me ;))!
So sorry you're having to go through this. Even though the police were useless the time you called them, honestly, I'd KEEP calling them. EVERY time he runs away, every time he gets aggressive, every time he's out of control. It's documentation on your part and will give you more weight when it comes to his treatment.
If the police department is willing to participate, have an officer come over when your son is calm, have a discussion about when you are going to call and what will happen (they will make sure everyone is safe, etc.) Make it clear that this is what will happen. You need to make sure everyone in your family is safe and if you can't do it yourself (you should NOT!! with a child this age), then you need help and that is what law enforcement is there for. If they get calls all the time, I would think they would start responding more quickly.
If they are not taking you seriously, they need to. Go up the chain of command.
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