Nervous (and throwing a tantrum, me that is)

Why is it a year from TPR and you still haven't adopted? Can you hire a private attorney to finalize? This seems excessive.

Something about appeals, not enough staff (our state is BROKE and our agency had to 'stream line' people), and then it took a bit for our adoption worker to be certified to do adoptions. :rolleyes: I think the first one may have some merit, the second is an excuse, and as for the last one ... why did it take over 6 months to get certified? And why in that time was NOTHING done to get our paperwork started at least? You don't need to be certified to ask questions and type. We do have an adoption attorney that will handle our side of things in court. That is part of the process. They can't do the whole thing by themselves though, so here we are waiting on the agency. We just finished our class, which by the way I knew about thanks to all the wonderful people here but which my then CW and my current AW seemed to have no idea about. I asked a year ago about at least starting it and they all seemed like I was crazy for thinking there was a class. I asked again 6 months ago, only to be told there was no class needed. Even my husband was beginning to doubt me. Imagine my annoyance a month ago when our AW said, "oh by the way, you need to take a class ... it is two months from now." I asked for one sooner and AW was sort of surprised that I was willing to go to a different city/county to take the class. Really? After this long why wouldn't I be willing to drive somewhere else to take it in two weeks rather than stay here and take it in two months? In the end it may not matter, but at least I can say I did things ASAP and the dragging out part isn't on my end. Okay, so I'm still annoyed. Actually, I'm stressed. I can feel it in my body and the way I'm dealing with things. I JUST WANT IT OVER. I want to be able to breath and not worry about every bump, bruise, scrap, out of state travel, did I handle XYZ right?, can I sign this for school? , do I actually need to put them into public school if something else will actually be a better fit? I want to be able to say 'NO' to preschool for the one kid who is too curious to sit still and gets in trouble all the time. I want to be able to parents the kids who have been in my home for over two years and TPR'd for over a year. I now feel for the birth parents whose case drags on and on, and who actually want their kids back. This is stressful.

I feel ya. Our first son, it took over a year to finalize his adoption. They started the search for an adoptive family for him at 3 months (he was abandoned, and bio Gma showed up saying there was no way anyone in the family could take him -- cut and dried). They took 2 months to do that, placed him with us, said it would be another month to publish for bio dad and then 3 months to TPR. Nope. It took 6 months to publish another 3 to TPR, and then the AW "lost" our homestudy and let it lapse so we had to REDO the entire homestudy including visits and getting our fingerprints redone (which takes 2 months to get back). So instead of finalizing in June as we were told, we finalized a year and four months later, in October. My parents almost didn't survive (he was the first grandchild....) Hang in there. It'll be fine. Eventually...

OP: I understand! We just finalized our youngest last week, after 2 1/2 years with us as a pre-adoptive placement. Things got UGLY for the last 18 months because DCF didn't like some of the advocacy I was doing for our AS... and I was constantly stressed that they would find some excuse to move him (and they threatened to do so 3 times). Now that we have finalized, I feel like a great dark cloud is beginning to lift and I can finally be the parent I've wanted to be. It's amazing -- I actually have more patience for our AS's behaviors now that I'm not so stressed from DCF nonsense. I find myself still sometimes worrying about the SW, then have to remind myself that I don't have to worry about him anymore. AS is ours. You will get there, too. Hang in there!!!!!

Good grief! We, too, tried adopting our boys for way too long. They were in a foster home, and their CW did nothing. She was eventually fired. Ours wasn't much better. From the time we started the process to the adoption date was one week shy of two years. The boys didn't even know we existed until one-and-a-half years had gone by. Crazy! However, once they were placed in our home, the judge waived the six-month waiting period and the adoption was complete three-and-a-half months later. CPS was so mad at the CW who didn't do anything, they wanted to "right the wrong" that was done to our sons. They have been ours for two months now. It WILL come to an end. I, too, felt the dark cloud lift. It helped, too, that we moved to South Korea a month-and-a-half after the adoption.

I feel for you. We named our stbas adoptive resource over a year ago and we are still waiting to finalize. Our home study was updated in September. We finished our paperwork in October. We are waiting on the state to get their act together. My little guy has been in care since 12 months and starts Kinder in the fall. I am frustrated.

Okay, a small update. We are going to be finishing up our homestudy at the end of July. :hissy: Okay, at least we have a date, so I can't complain much. But ... I wish it were sooner. :wings: It could be worse, though. These two are not the whole sibling group, but are the easier ones in terms of amount of paperwork. Meaning, their stuff won't take as long as the rest of the group. Is that a good thing? I'm not really sure. This coming week holds our ACR (6 month meeting with DCFS and all invovled to make sure the case is on track, etc., etc.). I am going so so so curious to see what the DCFS worker says about this whole time thing. I'd be very disappointed if they didn't say anything. And yes, I am helping train in someone's future AW. It was even said, "STBAS#2's paperwork is the one I trained on, which is why it is further along than STBAS#1. It is taking a bit, but I'm learning a lot along the way." So, I'm glad I can be of service to those who come after me. Your welcome. :love:

Only because I've BTDT do I realize that I am stressed and that is what is leading to some of my feelings/actions. Who knew that subconscious stress could affect you so much. I'm not truely stressed about my STBASs, nor about the process. I'm just ready for it to be over and the stress I'm putting on myself is irrational. I get that. Really. Doesn't mean I don't still do it though. :arrow: I am questioning everything I say and do, even if it doesn't relate to the kids. Did I say something that could be taken the wrong way to the CW? Did I speak up enough/too much at the ACR? Do I need to clarify? What if clarifying only makes it worse? What if it needs to be done to make it better? What are the odds that it will only make it worse versus better? I'm questioning all my friendships and if I am being a good enough friend, did I say or do something that will offend them, do they still like me (sounds like junior high), am I being a bad mom, am I being a bad wife, why am I not perfect at this or that (I hate that word by the way, "perfect") even though I've been doing it for years. Enough already! :hissy: The anticipation of getting this adoption finished is getting to me and making me question everything. Yes, there is a bit of depression in there, but I'm not willing to give into it. I just need to get outside in the sunshine more ... if only it would quit raining. ------ Okay, so the ACR ... hmm. The service plan was enlightening as it included all the steps that need to be done to get this to adoption, as well as the anticipated completion date. I'm glad to see all the steps there, including a few that I thought should have taken place already. Perhaps it is because STBASs have lived with us so long, and there is no question we are going to adopt them, that they haven't had a disclosure meeting yet. They call it something different and the AW/CW didn't know what I was talking about, but it was there in one of the steps. I'm hoping this happens by the end of July. If the paperwork gets submitted to DCFS by the beginning of August then I think we'll finish the adoption by the end of the year. I never thought it would take over 1.5 years from TPR for this to finalize. That is just a bit beyond the year mark that DCFS likes to see these completed. I am happy that we haven't had to have multiple home/office visits to get the paperwork done. We did one a few months ago, which answered a lot of the questions needed. There will be one more within the next month to finish up any remaining questions. That is a good thing at least. If we make it to the fall court date (permanancy hearing) without the adoption having been finalized then I will be very curious to hear what the judge has to say. When TPR happened I was told that we most likely wouldn't make it to the Spring '13 permanancy hearing. Well that prediction didn't come true. Not sure about the next one. Also, if this doesn't get completed by the end of the year, our taxes next year will be very interesting. DH went ahead and changed a few things late spring in anticipation of the adoption going through and getting the adoption credit next year. I encouraged him not to do it just yet, but I believe he was thinking logically. Not sure what he was thinking as this involves foster care and the state - it is rarely logical. :3d: It isn't something that couldn't be adjusted right now to make so we don't owe a lot of taxes next year, but we are at the point of the adoption going through this year being as predictable as a coin toss. I was told that with DCFS the timing has been variable as to how long their review of paperwork has been taking. Sometimes it may be 2-3 WEEKS and other time it may take 3 MONTHS. So which do you plan on? Okay, I'm rambling now.

Thank you so much for this post. I'm feeling exactly the same way right now and I really needed to hear I'm not alone. This foster to adopt process is so nerve-wracking.

Yeah, no longer really nervous. Yes, something could go wrong. But I'm past that ... sort of. :love: At our recent monthly home visit I was told that the paper work on our STBASs is 75% of the way done. Actually it is done for one STBAS and half way done for the other. And, FYI - if you get our AW in the future I think you owe me chocolate for being the 'training case' for the AW. Sounds reasonable to me. :wings: The foster parent of the sibling to our STBASs is very much ready to be done with all this stuff. The other FK in that home already had all the adoption paperwork go through. The sibling to my boys, well, it is further behind than my boys due to being more ...involved. I guess it is sort of like paying off your debt - start with the smallest and work your way up. So, if you are looking to clear out your case load, start with the easier ones (out of the ones you've had longest and think you might get in trouble for not having done) first, then do the harder ones. Even though it makes sense from the CW's standpoint, as a FP you are left wondering, "when are they going to give me my life back? Can't they just sit down and do the paperwork?! Work overtime people. This is MY LIFE you are messing with." Since the kids have been with us so long, over 2 years, I was told that we already know most of what is involved with their case. This means there won't be a "disclosure meeting". Instead, we will look through all the paperwork with our lawyer when it is all put together and we go to sign it. My husband is one for reading things before signing, so it might be a longish meeting. With school starting soon, both kids are enrolled to attend - either school or preschool. Once the adoption goes through we are then faced with whether to take the younger FS out of preschool. I'm thinking yes, but we'll see when that happens. Wondering what the school might think of that decision. (preschool is EC.) He just doesn't need it as much as before and is preforming basically on target. (he is there for speech and one other thing that I'm not even sure he qualifies for anymore.) Now I'm just rambling. We are 75% of the way done with paperwork. :happydance: :cheer: :banana: The DCFS approval still looms before me. One step at a time.

My husband and I have 3 children placed with us for 13 months. We too have been told parental rights have been terminated. Can you tell me a little about the next steps?

We aren't in the same state, so I'm not sure exactly what happens where you are. However if you were here this about what would be happening: If there was an appeal by the parents, then it seems that nothing can be done till after that happens. The CW/AW puts together paperwork that includes background on the parents, health history, why they came into care, some history on the kids, what they qualify for in the adoption subsidy - how much, medical, etc.; a form talking about how the state will pay for our lawyer. While the paperwork is being done a homestudy will be started on your family. This involves answering questions very similar to that of the homestudy done to become foster parents. Also, in my state there is a class that talks about moving from foster care to adoptions, what changes, resources available, etc. A disclosure meeting will be held, though it may be called something else. All the while monthly home visits, CASA visits, and court dates are still kept. We also had to initially sign a paper that we intended to adopt the kids. Surprisingly only I signed it back in 2011. Thankfully I remembered this. Our AW was stunned that our CW at the time only had me sign it, not both of us. It is in the law that both spouses have to adopt the kids. I made sure my husband was able to sign the paper, even if the dates are almost 2 years apart. :D I could just see this being the one paper to hold things up. I'm not sure if this is helping you much. Take some time to look through other threads and you will begin to pick up what to expect. Though, again, every state is different. Good luck on your journey. Hopefully it will be smooth and quick.