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We had a CFTM for Liza today. Sadly there was no one there but the supervisor and myself. (CW is still on vacation) My heart absolutely broke for this baby. The DNA test results came back and the guy who thought he was dad was proved not to be so he wasn't there. Mom left rehab early, was arrested on Sunday and didn't show. Friends say she using again. The plan was set as concurrent and we were asked if we were interested in adoption as its looking like that's where this case is headed. Mom already has 2 other kids in custody and one that was adopted. It just seems so fast! Its only been a month. We didn't get into fostering to adopt so I'm struggling with an answer. I've said soooo many times I'm too old to start over and wouldnt even consider adoption but now I find myself wondering. Then I feel selfish thinking there's a family out there praying for a baby just like Liza. I know things could change and we don't have to decide today I just wasnt expecting to feel so conflicted. Pray for us that we make the best decision for Liza.
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It does seem soon, but I was asked at the very first Family Meeting, about two weeks after placement, don't remember the exact date, if I was willing to adopt. Bio's were told that if they did not show, or at least call, the case would go to adoption - neither showed, called...not much more from them since, the plan has never been RU, only non-relative adoption. My STBAD is my answer to years of prayer - but I had no idea that it would be a baby, I was prepared for a toddler or preschooler - but she is so much the perfect first placement, child, for me, so only you can know - you wouldn't be the first one to "start over" or to have a change of heart/mind once the placement moves to adoption. I do think about those who have also been praying for their child(ren) - in the future I want to foster only and help others find their forever children, but if the right next one comes along I am open to expanding my family. OK, so I am not much help. I think that you will know the right thing, at the right time.
I think if you aren't going to adopt, they should move her sooner rather than later. Looks like you just got her so easier now than later. You are right, there are tons of people out there praying for a baby up for adoption. I am sure she will go to a great family if you don't want to adopt.
SoccerMom70
. Then I feel selfish thinking there's a family out there praying for a baby just like Liza.
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I think it's great you are putting the baby's needs above your own wants. You are right there is a family, like mine, who's heart years to adopt. If you decide to help transition this baby to a different adoptive home you will be helping create a family and that's pretty special too, so don't feel badly! As for it being fast, it just depends. We got our girls and were asked five days later if we'd adopt. They'd been in care a little longer but at that point the case was already looking iffy.
If its only your age concerning you, then stop worrying :) There are many of us older parents who started up AGAIN after raising our bios. my son is 2 and I'm 50. A youthful, healthy 50, but still... but if you just don't feel like 'starting lover's then that's totally ok too. think about how you want the next 20 or so years to look like. And if you can envision yourself being a mom again? Whatever you decide, it will be ok. Best wishes:o
Here's my take on that selfish feeling....I've had it too, many times when contemplating the growth of my family. I remember how I wanted a child before I had one, that is a very deep wanting. I remember the want for a child after we had 3, it was a very deep wanting. Your love for a child is not lessened by your age, another family, another mom or dad will not be able to love the child more than you! My long winded point is, your want to keep this child is as great as another's want (if that is the direction you go) Good luck with the case.