Attachment Issues

One of mine would rage because of sensory problems; he perceived touch as pain, so he went off for no apparent reason. Then, once we understood the reason (touch=pain) it became apparent what the problem was. He also had the more significant attachment issues as well. (Dx'd as RAD at age 4.5)My other one who rages, has ADHD and ODD, is also "allergic" to milk and soy. (He's really just "sensitive"; he doesn't go into anaphylactic shock or anything.) When he has dairy products he reacts with behavioral problems. He also reacts with awful tantrums when he's stressed or anxious...and he's anxious about everything. He's anxious when Dad goes to work. He's anxious when we go out to do errands and he didn't have "enough warning" ahead of time. He's anxious when Dad is off for a couple of days (ie: the weekend) and then goes back to work again. He's anxious about going to a friend's birthday party, social events, dr's appts., Mommy doesn't feel good, Big Sibling got a job, sleeping in his bed, pretty much anything and everything in daily life creates some level of anxiety for him. We do a lot of discussions about how to deal with anxiety, what to do when our tummy or chest hurt (due to worry), etc.This has HELPED with the most awful tantrums - the hitting, biting, screaming, throwing things, and kicking ones. We still deal with some tantrum behavior, but more "normal" snotty tone, refusal to do chores, that kind of thing.Strict adherence to the rules and routines, with enough flexibility thrown in to keep him from getting TOO rigid in his schedule, seems to help. If I give in to his demands it's actually worse than holding firm and not letting him have his way. He's more likely to be upset and snotty about not getting his way, but less likely to totally fall apart and scream and flail.Be sure to post when you find what works for you and your Dd. It's always nice to have "extras" in the ol' parenting tool kit.

Sorry you have to deal with this. Are the tantrums usually when she gets home in the evenings? My son goes wacky with transitions, especially going from after school care into evenings. He's fine at school and then turns into a high-maintenance, cursing, whiny guy when we get home at dinnertime. His teacher (who at first couldn't believe we were talking about the same kid) said kids who have to work to hold it together at school will often unravel at home afterwards. Tonight he whined about troubles with his videogame, when I refused to help, as I was cooking, he called me an a**hole. When he was put in his room for that, he ran out and hit me in the back, nearly making me fall down the steps. Then there's the nightly homework squabbles, jumping around in his chair during dinner, and yelling for junk instead of the meal. On and on it goes, until he goes to bed. I have to admit, sadly, that bedtime and after is my favorite part of the day. When there's no one else home, and no transitions, he's perfect. Yesterday, when it was just he and I home, on Sunday, he was the model child. He built a fort outside, rode his bike, and was very calm and well-behaved. It just seems like some kind of inability to regulate himself. I'm guessing that's what's going on with your daughter too.

NJRach - your son sounds EXACTLY like my daughter. She is an angel in school. The tantrums are usually after school, often when I am cooking dinner. It hardly ever happens when were are alone together, but when my older daughter is there, it is really bad. Our psychologist said the same thing as you suggested: she is not able to regulate/self soothe. He suggested that she go to a place to calm down (she chose the couch) when she feels she is getting upset. She has done this a couple of times. However, when she is having a rage, she will not go to the couch to calm down. I keep a strict schedule with her, and it usually helps, but she is set off by the craziest things and I am not able to predict when she is going to get angry. For example, a friend was not able to come for a playdate and she was perfectly fine with that. And then I served something different for dinner and she scratches me in the face. We are calm and peaceful in our home - we don't fight or yell. I praise her for good behavior, give her advance notice if something is going to change - I'm doing all of the right things. She causes major disruptions in our home. We all walk on eggshells around her. We have another appt with the psychologist tomorrow, so I will mention the latest event. I wish he would offer some better advice... Thank you all for your advice. I welcome any other suggestions. ~Anne

We have the same thing going. Definitely an inability to regulate himself. When there are many people in the house, Manny is at his wackiest. I've asked him (later, when he is calm and answers rationally) why he gets all wound up when everyone is home. He said it makes him crazy to hear so many people talking, or seeing the other four of us doing all different things. He said if my daughter is watching TV in the front room, and my husband is mowing the lawn, and my other son is in the garage lifting weights, and I am cooking or cleaning, it makes him crazy and he acts up to stop it (stop all the commotion). He said he behaves the best when no one is here because he feels calm. I'm glad I know what is going on, but five of us live here, and there's not much I can do about it. Let me know what your psychiatrist says. Maybe he has some words of wisdom for all of us.

Oh, also low blood sugar. My tantrummer doesn't transition well, has difficulty with self-regulation, impulse control is an issue, AND he can't go too long between meals. Tantrums are sometimes exacerbated by the need to eat. "Irritability" is a sign of low blood sugar. Before breakfast he's crabby and we try to keep everything as streamlined as possible. Often before dinner he's particularly easily annoyed, so we try to make sure that we eat on time then, too.If there is any suspected brain difference - exposure to drugs, alcohol, neglect, etc., - this can mean that their brain has to "work harder" to store and retrieve information. Of all the organs, the brain is the largest consumer of glucose. If the brain is "working harder", it is going to go through more of the available glucose in the blood, creating a need to replenish more quickly.

Barksum, that is a great observation. The tantrums usually happen right before dinner. I'll try giving her a snack. She loves to eat, so that should make her happy. I have suspected FAS and I know she has some brain damage from the CP and was neglected, so she definitely has multiple brain issues going on. The psychologist did not offer any helpful suggestions about what to do during the tantrums. I'm not sure if we are getting anywhere with him. :-( We did both feel that the latest tantrum was perhaps retalliation for me telling the therapist that my daughter's attitude had been extra sassy lately.

Thanks also for the advice, Barksum. It seems a logical explanation. The tantrums are also around dinner, after Manny has been at school and daycare, or else in the morning before breakfast. He does seem to have to work extra-hard at school to regulate himself. He has a lot of friends and I know he likes to hold it together in front of them. Ugh. I wish I knew what went on while he was in foster care. The family seemed nice enough when we picked him up. Or maybe his mom abused drugs. Or it could just be genetic. We'll never know.

NJRach - I also have no clue what happened to my daughter before she came to us. She was born prematurely in a home in Guatemala, so I am assuming she received no special post natal care/no prenatal care. She went to the orphanage at 3 weeks old, so I don't even know where she was for the first 3 weeks. I know she was neglected in the orphanage - bald spot on the back of her head, didn't know how to suck from a bottle at 13 months old, and couldn't sit up or hold her head up. Within a few days of being with us, she made major improvements. I suspect FAS, but cannot ever know for sure. She just has a big combination of issues. Best of luck to you. Let me know if you ever need to talk. ~Anne

I just wanted to follow up on this thread I started last month... So far, Barkum's advice on the low blood sugar issues has helped a lot!! We've been feeding her more often and she hasn't had any rages (knock on wood), just a few small issues here and there. We haven't been back to see the psychologist - taking a break for now. Thank you Barksum!

That's really Great news!!

Barki is one wise woman for sure!!:happydance: Glad it's going better for you and your family. Attachment is hard, and the tantrum/rages are exhausting!!

052001, glad it helped! It's amazing what good hydration and nutrition (evenly spaced!) can do for kids. Now...off to plan out this week because it's been CRAAAAAZZZZY the last couple of weeks due to a death in the family and we're all off schedule. Making sure everyone drinks WATER and eats on time is a full time job. ;)

I spoke too soon...she had been doing very well, but the tantrums have started again. I don't think it's due to low blood sugar. She is starting have problems with the babysitter as well (my husband's cousin). Yesterday, she hit the babysitter and my older daughter repeatedly and screamed at them for hours. How do I go about getting a neuro psych evaluation? Is this done through a neurologist? I asked my daughter's doctor and she said the school should be able to do it. The school keeps putting me off. Her psychologist did an evaluation and had the school fill out some forms, but nothing showed up in the results because she is so well behaved at school. The behavior is like flipping a switch - Jekkyl & Hyde. One of my concerns is that our insurance is so terrible, I'm worried about how much an appointment with a neurologist will cost. Since she is special needs, we have to pay for so many extra things - crutches, wheelchair, therapies, etc. All diagnostics are out of pocket. I'm not sure what to do. I wish someone would just tell me what to do. I feel very lost and very alone. My husband is useless. Any ideas???

Educational testing is not the same thing as testing by a neuropsychologist. I personally would have both completed. Educational testing can be requested in writing. Once you have requested testing in writing and stated the areas that you want evaluated, the school district is "on the clock" to comply. This testing needs to be educationally-relevant--for example, cognitive testing, functional performance testing (how she actually uses her cognitive skills), speech and language testing, etc. You can request testing to rule out autism/aspergers. Most districts will not complete assessments for mental illness, etc., as they aren't really qualified. You may be able to request help from your county board of developmental disabilities or from a local mental health recovery board for a neuropsych assessment. Neuropsych testing is expensive, but it might give you peace of mind IF they can figure out what you're dealing with...In my very inexperienced opinion, I would ask the neuropsychologist for a referral to a fetal alcohol clinic or geneticist (the geneticist is who we were told would be able to diagnosis FASD), just in case.

Adoptsis - thank you for the advice. I will request a referral for a neuro-psych eval.