Advertisements
I was looking for some advice from all you savvy foster parents who are also LDS. How in the world do you manage a larger calling along with all of the foster care things and children in school as well. I feel completely drained. My calling requires two days a week plus meetings, etc. In addition I have three small children who have their own activities. Our foster children require psychology appointments, doctor's appointment, visits twice a week an hour away and many SW visits, etc. I want to be my best to everyone but I feel like everyone is only getting 50%. Any suggestions?
Like
Share
This answer is going to sound horrible and take it with a grain of salt because well, I am semi apostate. But... I learn to say no. I have two special needs kids and I work full time. When they call me to do something that I know I can't handle without sacrificing my family, I say no. There is a time and a season for everything. Right now I feel it is my time to devote myself to raising my children, not being RS president etc. That being said, if you still feel like you want to keep your calling. Think about things you can delegate. Also, spend a set amount of time every week planning. Actually put that time on your schedule. Do what you can in that time and then let the rest go. This is going to be long winded but there was this story told in Stake Conference years ago that I loved. This women got a prompting that she needed to go visit one of her neighbors. She was so busy with the kids and life but it was such a strong prompting. So she decided to make some banana bread and take it over to the neighbor. While she was making the banana bread everything that could possibly go wrong did. Kids fighting and life just falling apart. By the time the bread was done and she walked over to the neighbor's house she was in such a horrible mood from all of the stress that she said this silent prayer asking God why on earth has he asked this of her. This was a hardship she just did not need in her life. The answer came clear as day. "I didn't say anything about banana bread". Moral of the story. Make sure you aren't overdoing it. Yes, be diligent but don't push yourself so far that you loose the meaning of it all. Don't worry about the banana bread.
Advertisements
That was such a great story! Haha. It's true that it's hard to say no, especially in smaller wards where some people have multiple callings. I do need to learn to say no and not feel guilty! P.S. I laugh every time I hear the world apostate. I think of the youtube LDS song. I know it's not funny but it's a funny word.
LOVE the banana bread story! I should put that on a card on my fridge - "I didn't say anything about banana bread." Awesome! And I agree, that it's okay to let go of some things that you think are important in order to do the other things that are more important. The Lord knows what you can handle, and what your kids, your own and those in your care, all need. All I can say is pray about it. If you feel so inclined, it IS okay to let the bishop - or whomever is over you in your calling - know that you need to step down and devote your energy to your family right now. Some people can do it all - busy callings, busy families, high stress, high needs... Some (like me) can't very well. (And some that seem to be doing it all very well might not be. There may be costs that you don't see right away, just like in challenges there can be blessings you don't see right away.) Your family comes first. When it came to a point that foster care was unhealthy for my family (the child we had most recently adopted couldn't emotionally handle it) then we quit. We're still licensed, but I don't know if we will foster again. It is our plan, but her therapist and I agree that my daughter isn't ready. Too much trauma and fear still. When we first got her, I needed to be released from my calling, because of her needs. Actually, it was more like the primary president came to me and said, I feel very strongly like we need to release you. And it was weird because I think this was the first time ever I was just simply released, and not given a new calling. I felt so lost. And 2 days later... phone call! For a traumatized, angry, scared girl who needed sudden 100% of my attention. I DID say no to a calling later that year - first time ever and I never thought I would, but as soon as I received it, I had a strong feeling that my child needed me to say no. And I did, and it felt good. Now a couple of years later, I have an overwhelming calling, that is really hard, and I sometimes wonder if it too much, if I am spread too thin. But when I think about it, I feel like this is where I need to be, and the Lord will make it all work out. And it has. So I guess you just need to pray about it, think about it, consider all of the demands on you and your family (and make sure to be not making "banana bread" when it's not necessary) and see what feels right. It is perfectly okay to ask to be released in situations like this. Your family comes first. And if the Lord led you to foster, then that is a calling as well, even if you weren't sustained in church. I agree that there is a time and season for everything, and your family always ALWAYS comes first. It is good for our kids to see us devoted to busy callings, working hard for the church and serving others. But not to the point that they suffer. Something has to give.
Thank you so, so much Juliana! I think sometimes we put more guilt on ourselves than our ward would put on us. For now I've spoken with my President and told her I need to have a little bit more flexibility. I'm a first counselor so I'm trying to still pull my weight. I'm going to give it a couple weeks of heavy prayer and go to fast meeting and see how I feel about it. I feel like there have been so many blessings while I've pushed myself to manage it all. However, I do feel like my family needs me. My husband has a stake calling AND a very intense job. So, one of us (me) might need to pull back a little.
Advertisements
That is a lot going on for the kids. Our kids BM was an hour a way and we got the judge to rule the visits needed to take place in our local office. Mom had to ride a bus, take two trains to get to the office, but as the judge put it. The kids aren't the ones who messed up so the burden should not be put on them. As for office visits, see if you can find one with WiFi. This would allow you to do emails, seek out lesson plans and communicate with others. Our RS started a FB page and the sisters run communication themselves. I put the weekly lessons online a week ahead and let the sisters read ahead of time. Also, you can see if you can do a baby sitting swap. My hubby is our stay at home parent and he does this with our neighbor and ward member. They do 3 hour a week swaps and he keeps his sanity. More than anything, don't run faster than you are intended to. Small and simple is best. Oh, we also see if we can get professionals to visit the house for speech, OT, and other things.
Do the SSW or DHS havd any "aid" workers that can transport? There are just 2 days every week where I simply can not transport due to other childrens needs, or something. When the SSW calls to set up the visits I just tell them that if its oine of those days that they will need to arrange transport. It was hard at first for me to do this as I love these kids so much and visits are hard enough on them - but I find it a life saver and a god send - it helps me be better prepared for them mentally when they return. Much Love ~ Kate
Do the SSW or DHS havd any "aid" workers that can transport? There are just 2 days every week where I simply can not transport due to other childrens needs, or something. When the SSW calls to set up the visits I just tell them that if its oine of those days that they will need to arrange transport. It was hard at first for me to do this as I love these kids so much and visits are hard enough on them - but I find it a life saver and a god send - it helps me be better prepared for them mentally when they return. Much Love ~Kate