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Someone once told me it takes as long for a child to attach as they were old when they arrived. In other words, if you adopt a 2 month old, you will be attached in 2 months. If you adopt a 3 year old, it will take close to 3 years.
We are adopting a toddler who arrived at 11 months. It has been 4 months. My husband and kids are very attached. I just don't feel it most days. I mostly feel like a caretaker. Many days I just want his mom to show up and take him home! But it turns out, I am his mother!
It probably adds to it that he has a strong preference for my husband, but I am the one home all day with him. It is just getting harder and harder to feel like I love him or even want to love him.
Anyone else been slow(er) to feel that bond? How long did it take you to feel really attached? Any tips on how to feel more like a mother and less like a babysitter? (I have other kids so I know what a true mother bond feels like!)
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Work on giving it and getting it in return. This should help you feel that bond with him and will help him attach to you.
At only 15 months old, though, not all of the traditional eye games will work. Be playful (take turns painting each other's faces (one reciprocal spot at a time--like you put a tip of "paint" (whipped cream works) on his nose, then he does the same to you...you put a a pat on his chin, etc.)
You can also try the cradling and when he looks at you (your eyes), you show happy, loving eyes and make a happy face and coo a bit to him while you feed him something sweet (a small spoon of pudding?) Keep doing it for a while (don't have to feed him all the pudding, but he'll be satisfied and you'll be ready to stop.
Try that once a day and you'll be shocked at how YOU feel about him (because you'll be nurturing him...it sparks those motherly feelings). And he'll be looking to YOU to meet his needs.