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We were contacted a while back by the agency we adopted DD through. Her bparents are pregnant again and wanted us to adopt the new baby. After some consideration we decided we wanted to and could pull this off a second year in a row. Emom is due early December but based on past experience and the c-section will most likely deliver in November.
We got an email from her this week thanking us for all the updates (printed pictures/scrapbook pages and DD's fb page). She also indicated they would like to see DD in November if possible.
I was absolutely expecting this and I don't have any problem with it at all. My husband however, is lagging behind me in the openness category. :-) I could tell by his face that he's uncertain, nervous and insecure about this. So question # 1: Any thoughts on how I can help him feel better about having this meeting?
Question #2: I need to stall the answer on this to emom for now while dh gets comfortable. I thought about telling them that we hadn't figured out the arrangements for the November trip yet and whether or not DD would be making the trip or staying with family. That we would give it some thought and closer to time, we could make plans. This is actually true - we've been going back and forth on it. Is this a good response? I don't want to say yes till dh is on board and I don't want to say no yet either.
Question #3: Assuming we get dh on board and plan this meeting, any thoughts or tips on how to make this work well? When we went for DD's birth, we met them at a park the day before the birth and really only talked for a few minutes. That's all they wanted and it was hot. The weather will be nicer in November in FL so that may lend itself to more time. . . . or she may still feel awkward and only stay a few minutes. . . . .
Thanks for all the help!
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Even though our first visit was in a comfortable place (good temperature, no need to rush) it was fairly quick (just under an hour). I think that first visit was pretty emotional for her. In your case, not only will they be seeing her for the first time since birth, but also possibly placing again...they may not be emotionally able for a long visit.
As For your DH, what happened with mine is that he got more comfortable the more time he spent with first mom and the better he got to know her. Maybe he'll be more comfortable if you're more specific about where you'll meet and what you'll do and how long it will last.
Our first visit was the most awkward, but that was also partially due to the fact that peanut was just 6 months old And not really doing a lot so we really had to interact/converse a lot more with each other and were nervous about that. It went really well, though. Now that he's mobile and has such personality and DOES things, the visits are about all of us trying to keep up with him!
Good luck to you, and how awesome these siblings may be able to stay together!
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