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Hey everyone, I'm a single foster/adoptive mom of a beautiful little girl who is my world. I want nothing more than to give her a sibling. I've always wanted to have a larg(er) family and my daughter is so ready to be a sister! Our county foster care agency has slowed down immensely. There are still children coming into foster care, but most are going to family members right off the bat (which is great... if that's a good situation). I've contacted nearby agencies to get on a list of available homes for them - nothing. I've received no calls in over a year. I know all agencies have slowed down due to new foster care laws, etc. and I feel certain that most social workers will choose a foster home with 2 parents, over a single, which is frustrating. Anyway, I'm feeling like I need to start taking matters into my own hands. I've started looking at domestic photo listings (of kids in foster care who are available for adoption), but I'm not sure I can handle most of the issues these kids have. :( I'm not sure if domestic infant adoption is within my reach - financially, and the thought of going for months, or possibly years, waiting to be chosen by a birth mom is daunting. International - again, not sure I can go through that financially. I've been thinking about/researching adoption for 8 years, and it has resulted in my daughter, which I am so grateful for! But, now I'm ready to do it again and I'm just at a loss as to what my next step should be. Just wondering if anyone else has been in my shoes and where did you go from here and how did you make that decision? Thanks!!
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I'm in a similar but somewhat different position; I adopted my son privately and am now looking at fostering. I wouldn't be able to afford to adopt privately again given the change in the ATC. I also have some ethical issues with private adoption; when I did it I thought that the agency that I worked with really did do things right, but now I wonder. I've ended up deciding on foster care because of 1) worries about ethics in private adoption, 2) wanting a child younger than my 2-year-old son, and knowing that I won't be able to do straight adoption of an infant/ young toddler through foster care, and 3) finances. I've worked a LOT with the foster care system in my area, so I have a pretty realistic idea of what is possible/ reaosable/ likely to happen, and I'm worried about how it will affect my son, but I'm working on solving that.
The other option I have looked at is that there are some agencies that do special needs adoptions, mostly infants, that have very reasonable fees. If you are interested in this, send me a pm and I will give you what information I have.
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i adopted internationally in 2006. started second adoption in 2008. the one i wanted didn't work out and there weren't other countries that "felt" right. i ended up switching to a domestic adoption. but you are right-many agencies won't accept single mom's because many birth mothers want 2 parents. i waited almost 2 years and it was a "i just want my child to go to a good home" situtation. the birth mother did not want to meet anyone-called when she went into labor. since i had waited so long, my number was up! it was a winding process but i am more happy than i ever though possible. my girls are 7 years apart.
I'm in a similar place. I'm a single mom too; my AS came home at 19 months from Ethiopia and he's now 7 1/2. I'm just starting the foster-to-adopt process ("orientation" is Thursday), and wondering if I will even get any placements. I'm 46 now, and my parents live with me - which is AWESOME for support, but tough for international adoption because they're gay and married, which makes most countries unwilling to consider our awesome family (they were not legally married when AS came home, so the home study didn't go into tons of explanation about my dad's partner.) Anyhow, I have a big house and family with tons of love for another kiddo.
We did infant domestic adoption and picked a "semi" national agency for our placing agency. We had to have a home study done by an agency in our state - so that is what we did. That in state agency sends out emails on a regular basis about cases they come across.
Is there an agency near you that you can have complete your home study, create a book ($50 on shutterfly or cheaper on walmart.com, etc websites) and have it handy. I would let anyone and everyone know that you are looking to adopt. I know several people who have done it this way - through word of mouth etc and adopted privately for about $1K-3K in lawyer fees and receive the ATC. I know someone just last week was placed with a 16 month old boy whose mother contacted an outside resource looking to adopt her son. I think the key is to have that home study ready and up to date, a few books of profiles ready to email, ship or mail out. In reading blogs and on the forums, etc, I see that clearly some cases never make it to the photolistings and there are several indpendent situations that pop up. If you put yourself out there and the right people know you are looking and have your info, it will happen! just my two cents.
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