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My wife and I would like to pursue foster parenting with the ultimate goal of adopting. What might make us somewhat unusual is that we do not have biological children and adoption is our first choice (i.e. we have not tried to conceive). Our reasons for this are:
1. I was adopted, and we both like the idea of starting a family and "giving something back" at the same time. It may sound cheesy: I was adopted at birth, never knew my biological parents, and grew up knowing I was adopted. There was no "trauma." But I'm not an idiot. I've had a privileged life and it's not at all hard to imagine how it might otherwise have gone. I'm grateful for it every day.
2. I'm 45 and my wife is 37. We love the idea of adopting a somewhat older child (or children) -- in the 5 to 9 range.
So that's us, but I admit I have some insecurities about this.
Are CWs going to think we're unbalanced because we'd prefer to foster/adopt than have our "own kids"? Um...*are* we unbalanced for wanting to foster/adopt rather than having our own kids?
We love kids but have absolutely no experience parenting.
I have a six-figure income, my wife is ready and able to be a full-time mom, and we have a nice four bedroom house. But we're fairly new to the area, and while we're friends with coworkers and neighbors, we have no close friendships yet. Moreover, my mother is my only close family and she is (a spry) 88 years old. My wife is a solo immigrant (no other family in the U.S.). So we basically have no support network in our city.
Basically, my worry is that the CW is going to say, "Yeah, you're definitely ready to be parents. Go have a couple kids of your own and come back to us in a few years."
Am I paranoid, or are we headed for disappointment?
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There is nothing wrong with choosing to foster and adopt rather than having biological children, and it will not affect your ability to do either.
These kiddos need a stable loving home, and if you and your wife can provide that, then the state will be glad to have you on board to help these kids!
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Just curious as to what state you are in.
I wish someone would have said this to us when we were having these worries. DON'T! As long as you are well adjusted adults with a reasonable income, and are ready and willing to parent children the agencies would love to have you.
The agency is not there to decide whether your life choices are "sufficient" to take care of foster kids.
My husband and I thought that we would be questioned for our age and that it would be a huge problem. (We were 21 and 22 when licensed). No one ever asked us what our motives were beyond the normal line of questioning.
Good luck with the foster/adoption journey. It's quite a ride but its so worth it.
NewMom13
Just curious as to what state you are in.
Hi, you guys sound like you mirror us fairly closely and we've always gotten a lot of support from our agency and no obvious reservations about us as foster parents. I worried about EVERYTHING that would be considered "off" about us but in the end the type of people we are must have shown through :happydance: As far as support goes, I noticed that another class member had her parents down as her resource and they were elderly. The dad couldn't hear a darn thing during CPR class and it all had to be repeated to him at a shout :gnome:
welcome :)
as far as your worries, nobody will 'judge' you because you don't have bio kids!! or because of 'your age'.
there are so many older parents around now, some have no biological children TOGETHER, some never had bio children, some have 1. family, and are raising a '2. batch' now... so, don't worry :)
FAMILY is what one makes out of it.
my husband was worried about the age thing too, when our AS was placed as a newborn foster baby... he asked the CW if 'they will take him away, because he is too old?'
they just laughed, and said 'NO!!! we don't work that way!!! '
imo, 50 is the new 30, so there, lol and considering you are not even close to that, you're just a 'baby' lol
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Hi! Welcome, and good luck! You will be fine with your age and reasons for wanting to foster/adopt. The only issue is, depending on where you are and your caseworker they may want you to have a bigger support system. Where I live I have heard (allegedly) of folks getting turned down for now having a big enough support system. I would play up the folks you have and if you stay in touch with out of town/country friends/family emphasize that.
Don't worry. You and your wife would considered to be ideal actually in our area. I suffer from IF so I can't have biological children. My DH and I are both in our forties and work full-time; we were licensed for two children and our first placement are a sibling set under 2yrs. Our support system are local friends as well as other FP since our families live 1-2hrs away.
Now just be prepared to answer why you decided not to go the private or international adoption route. We were asked because we are ideal candidates for private adoption however we agreed prior to marriage, we would adopt from FosterCare.
Good Luck and cast your fears aside. Becoming licensed is easier process than you'll expect. Now working w/ the system is the real test.:)
lotusmama
Now just be prepared to answer why you decided not to go the private or international adoption route. We were asked because we are ideal candidates for private adoption however we agreed prior to marriage, we would adopt from FosterCare.
My dh is a 47 yo adoptee. We have an 8 yo (private adoption) and our fd was placed with us last year. You have no worries! The funniest tho is be prepared for sws who are not adoptees telling you how adoptees feel. Our hs sw didn't know dh was adopted at first and said....adoptees always have trauma and loss. My dh said...really? Bc I have nevef felt that but thanks for educating me!!! Haha. Maybe she learned from that!
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loveajax
My dh is a 47 yo adoptee. We have an 8 yo (private adoption) and our fd was placed with us last year. You have no worries! The funniest tho is be prepared for sws who are not adoptees telling you how adoptees feel. Our hs sw didn't know dh was adopted at first and said....adoptees always have trauma and loss. My dh said...really? Bc I have nevef felt that but thanks for educating me!!! Haha. Maybe she learned from that!
Momus
I hadn't even considered this question. Is there any reason to go through private adoption since we want to adopt older kids? It just seemed obvious to me that we want older kids, there are older kids in the foster system who need families, so that's what we should do. And is there a reason we should want to adopt internationally rather than domestically?
Great, now I have new worries! :D
Seriously -- thanks to everyone for the kind words and reassurance. I really appeciate it.