My story

Dear Truthspeaker, I am so sorry that this has been your experience. Please know that not all birthmothers share the same story. It is, for example, NOT what happened to me. Please be careful to tell us about your personal -- obviously painful -- story without generalizing.

Hello and welcome to the forums. I hope you find the support you are looking for here. (((hugs)))

Thanks! Maybe I am generalizing too much and I got a pm about it. But I have read many nightmares about what many have gone through very similar to me on blogs on the web. I don't feel I can express my anger or hurt to anyone in my family because they will say that was 28 years ago get over it! So yes I'm a bit bitter at times. Thanks for welcoming me here!

You are welcome to express your anger and hurt here; the mods and admins work to make it a safe place for all of us. All we ask is that you not assume all aparents are unethical, etc. You find women here who are in open adoptions; and aparents who want more contact than the bparents can deal with. Even without lies and unethical behavior, etc. adoption is not easy. Feel free to read and post in the various forums. Do remember that many of us do post because we need support no matter what our experience of adoption has been.Again, I hope you will find this a safe place to express your feelings of anger and hurt,

Thanks I will! Maybe I need to be here to see the different views. After she came back into my life and I gave and gave her friend ran me off the road with an SUV while I was walking and she laughed about it. I forgave and even spent money on her baby then she wrote me off and wrote my daughter a nasty email about how horrible I was to cause her separation anxiety and abandonment fears! When I say my daughter I mean the one I raised So after that I can not allow her in my life ever. .

Truthspeaker, I'm an ap but I feel compelled to comment. I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, both as a young pregnant woman without family support and as a firstmom attempting reunion. There's nothing anyone can say that will make your experience right. I know it had to have felt like a slap in the face to be taken advantage of twice. And I can't begin to comprehend the anger and bitterness it's only natural for you to feel. Here's the beginning of my family's story. My daughter's bparents are good people, but very poor. They qualify as the working poor. They have jobs but not ones that consistently keep a roof over their head. It's often hard for them to buy gas to get to work. They have 2 at home and just didn't feel they could feed, clothe, and care for another child and unfortunately, those services aren't readily available for most. It's not just the financial at this point, those financial issues cause incredible stress for them that are born out in their interactions with each other and their children. I've witnessed some of it on the phone. They have a very volatile relationship. For my part, I have kept every promise I've made to them and more. I provide more contact than was agreed upon. I give them extra updates every time they ask. I will make sure she knows that they loved her and it wasn't a question of wanting or not wanting her as best I can. A lot of us that are part of the adoption triad realize that it's not all princesses and fairy tales. My dh and I aren't a prince riding in on a white horse to rescue her from an evil witch. There's no white horse, no prince, and no evil witch. Instead, we're merely two people who had love to give, who were willing to accept and be open to the challenges she will face as she begins to understand this very complicated thing that is adoption. The 4 of us are all attempting to give her a different life than she would have had. I will be the first to agree with anyone who says the adoption industry needs reform. Maybe, as you process your hurt, you will get to a point where you can tell your story as only your story in a way that can help reform that industry into something that's less predatory on those in need. Good luck to you. I hope you find healing.