Advertisements
Hi there. I'm 25 years old, graduated college, and have an excellent job in my field of study. I got pregnant while on birth control (am terrible at remembering those pills) with a boyfriend who has never been honest with me or faithful. I was raised Catholic. My mother had an abortion when she was my age and still has regret and pain 30 years later.. A little background on me for you.
I've gone back and forth this entire time between wanting to keep him and thinking that an adoption would be better for his future. The babies father has never wanted to keep him, he really wanted me to have an abortion. He cheated on me the first three months of my pregnancy but has been pretty great/okay for the last 3-4ish months. He wants to move away when the adoption is final and eventually get married.
I cry all the time thinking about leaving the hospital without the baby. What am I going to do that day/night? The rest of my life?
I don't want to keep him because I have student loans, I'm financially irresponsible, I live with my mom, I have trouble taking care of myself, and I'm afraid I'll stay with the birth father just because of the baby. Am I being selfish?
If you have anytime to share your story or offer some advice I'd greatly appreciate it. I have no idea how to be a mom, and I know there are plenty of women out there that are ready but can't have children.. I figure I can/should help my baby, me, and a couple out through adoption. Not to mention I don't think anyone in my family or friends believes that I should keep him.
I'm terrified I will regret not keeping him and will never forgive myself..
Like
Share
I was about your age and not in a great place financially, emotionally, or relationship wise when I had and placed my son for adoption.
I regret it to this day and will for the rest of my life. There is no guarantee you will go on to have other children like everyone says, I haven't, and I know plenty of other first mothers that haven't.
A bad financial situation is one of the worst reasons I can think of to place your child. Get some credit counseling, find some support groups for single moms, look at apartments. You can do this without the father if you want to. He will still have financial responsibilities to the child and the state will help you get the money you need.
Everything you have listed is temporary, adoption is permanent. As far as helping a couple through adoption, don't think like that. You have no obligation to give a couple YOUR child. If you really think you can't parent, then you need to make that decision for the child, not a couple that wants a baby.
Advertisements
Here are some sites you might find helpful:
[url=http://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/surviving-and-thriving-as-a-single-mom/]Surviving (and Thriving) as a Single Mom[/url]
Also if part of your financial problems is housing, apparently there are organisations that will help you find a fellow single mom to share with:
[url=http://www.singlemom.com/single-mothers-house-sharing-coabode/]CoAbode - Single Mothers House Sharing - SingleMom.com[/url]
[url=http://www.babble.com/mom/single-mom-cohabitation-shared-housing-mommune/]Single Mom Cohabitation: Is shared housing the new way to parent?[/url]
Singlemom.com has some info here on financial help:
[url=http://www.singlemom.com/living-on-a-budget/]Tips for Living on a Budget - SingleMom.com[/url]
belleinblue1978
Everything you have listed is temporary, adoption is permanent. As far as helping a couple through adoption, don't think like that. You have no obligation to give a couple YOUR child. If you really think you can't parent, then you need to make that decision for the child, not a couple that wants a baby.
Septembertoosoon, you say you have a good job and that your problem is that you are financially irresponsible. Maybe now is the time to become responsible with your money. What does your mom think about adoption? Do you think you might just resent your boyfriend if you give into his desire to get married and move away after you give up the child? I can guarantee that your tears will not end after the adoption. You can go on -- there is life after adoption -- but it will never be like it was before. This may be the only child you will ever have; sometime life is works out that way. I have been at this a long time. I gave birth on my 21st birthday and I will be 62 this year. I never considered keeping my son; I wanted him to have 2 parents who were ready to parent. I was very sure of my decision; that doesn't mean I haven't regretted it for the past 40 years. We have been in reunion since 2005 and as I watch his children grow up and miss watching him growing up even more. I was certain of my decision; I can't imagine how difficult it would be to live with adoption having made the choice with such mixed feelings. Please think long and hard about your reasons before choosing adoption. Make sure the objections to keeping him aren't surmountable because you can't change your mind later.