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I have 4 beautiful grandchildren who my daughter has lost custody of. This started 2 years ago. At that time I took all 4 children (I'm 54, single and working full-time), hired a nanny and had my 73 year old mother helping. My daughter gained custody again but lost them again. Now it is final. After our first experience, I knew that I was not the right solution for them but also finding a family to take all 4 is very challenging. Turns out I was right about that. In the end, I have commited to adopting the oldest granddaughter (who is 10 now) and we were lucky enough to find a lovely family to foster and then adopt the toddlers (5 and 4 year old boys and a 3 year old girl) Well, it isn't working out and now the family has decided they cannot adopt them. I hold no anger, they tried very hard to make it work but 6 kids total (they have 3 of their own) was just too much for them. Here is my question, I feel like I could handle 2 and adopt the youngest who is also a girl. I only have a 2 bedroom house and it is doable to have 2 girls logistically but am also torn as the 3 younger ones are so close. Would it be best to keep them together for their sake? I worry about the boys not thinking I wanted them and chose the girls I also worry that the littlest would be lost without her brothers. The original family was open to an open adoption so I and their sister could visit regularly. What are the chances that we can find that again? My heart is breaking and could sure use some advice from others that might have been faced with this heart-wrenching decision or those that are adoptees that were in this type of situation. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
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I'm so sorry the first solution fell through
IMO, that means they weren't the true forever home
My aunt went through this with two of her grandkids. She was literally at the end of her rope - debating whether to take out a full mortgage (at 63 years old!) to add the required additions from DCYF.
Long story short, DD's true forever family (us) got in the picture. These days, she enjoys being grammie - without the intense pressure of being responsible for 2 young kids
My only advice - figure out what you can handle and stick with your decision. Even if the kids don't go to relatives, there are many, many adoptive homes who welcome contact of siblings and GPS
best of luck :cheer:
What a tough situation to be in!
Are there any other family members that could help you add a room? Or help you find another home with 3 bedrooms? (not sure if you own or rent etc.) Any local churches or Habitat for Humanity progams that you could reach out to?
I think I'd try all the logistics for keeping them together first but if you truly cannot do that and the boys need to be adopted, I would seek help in doing this so that their emotional health is protected the best it can be. There will be a loss no matter what, but they also need the best shot at life they can get. So sometimes the tough decisions have to be made and you can't feel guilty about that. Your daughter screwed this up for everyone involved, especially her kids and unfortunately you are left to "fix" things that sometimes can't be "fixed".
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I think the children would be less concerned about all sleeping in one bedroom than being separated. If you can possibly manage to take all 4, consider it. That's a lot to take on at your age, so you are in my prayers. It will take a great deal of energy. Can you collect Social Security or some benefits for the children that will enable you to provide better for them and possibly hire a sitter to give you a break when you need it? And maybe add a bedroom later on? Ask.
From one 54 yr old Grandma to another....I can imagine the position you are in. I was almost in the same situation (somewhat) several years ago when my middle daughter almost screwed up came close to losing her 3 children.
I saw some wonderful suggestions above.
Go to your local church boards (Baptist, Catholic, etc)...they all have a local office for the denomination...and see if there are any missions groups that need a project. If so, and you own your home, see if they would be interested in your situation, and in helping you out. I say this because my cousin was talking to a work collegue about her parent's need for a ramp into their home, but funds were not available....the collegue mentioned her church's youth group was not going to be able to go off for a mission's project, and would her parents consider allowing them to build the ramp for them as their summer mission project. It cost my Aunt and Uncle nothing, the youth got their mission project, and everyone won! I'm not saying that there may not be some expense in building a room or rooms, but it may be minimal if you can find a group like this. Or, as someone mentioned, Habitat For Humanity. Go to your local Shriners.....sometimes they may not be able to help, but know of an organization who can.
A church is another good place to possibly find a sitter/nanny so you can continue to work. You may also be able to qualify for some state aid for food; health insurance, and such, depending on your income.
I hope the best solution is found and everyone can be happy and have a healthy life, but be sure to take care of yourself as well, in the midst of all of this. Right now, without you, the kids have no one, so you're as important as they are!!!
Much luck!!
Love and light.....B