Wow I'm in shock

That should say aren't accepting any applications for 0-7 due to the high number of requests for children

Just wanted to put in my $0.02 and give you a different perspective. We also thought we would NEVER go out of birth order. However, we did respite for a 6 & 10 year old and the issues they had were significant (pants pooping and not telling so it got EVERYWHERE). It got hubs and I thinking..... we'd rather adopt an older girl out of birth order with LESS issues.... than stay within birth order and take a disruptive child. Plus - my daughters dad remarried several years ago and she is now the YOUNGEST - ss 2 years + and sb 6 years +. I'm just saying.... I understand the draw of not going out of birth order.... but you can't always control that in real life... and depending on the kids you could get a GREAT older sibling for you kid to really look up to.

I know that it can work but it would have to be a very special child to make us consider going out of order.

Have you visited the foster parent general forum on here? it is an extremely active board with LOTS of participation. I have found it very helpful in seeking advice. I know from the amount I read on there that all of them agree not to go out of birth order. So I would say in my opinion - stick to your guns on that one like you are. I also know from reading that board that all scenerios are possible and just because they tell you something, doesn't mean it will work out like that. I think the previous poster has a good idea - what about respite providers? I know that the agency said that they weren't working with anyone that didn't have the their preferred range but would they accept your range if you agreed for respite services only? You can't tell me that they wouldn't be agreeable as I am sure that would help KEEP those that are already licensed. I know respite from watching the other boards is a hot topic and a much needed service - it serves a great need for most. Also another thought? Are there any private agencies that you can go through that aren't demanding that you take a certain age group? I couldn't tell from your post if it was a private or DFS (state) that you were going through. With that being said, when becoming a foster parent, your training includes supporting Reunification (RU). Do you think that with the training that your view might be changed? I guess what I am saying is - is it worth a shot to see if you could do foster? You never know unless you try sort of thing. I am the EXACT same way - especially after losing a child in a private adoption setting that was sent to foster care because even though the mother couldn't parent - stated by the courts. She went through an agency and selected us to adopt through out profile. Baby born and 72 hours she changed her mind but couldn't parent so we had to go to court. The court agreed that she could change her mind - even though she couldn't parent - and the child went to foster care (and continues to be in foster care to this day!) So trust me I get being wary of fostering! I might get flamed for this next comment but I don't think that I personally would do international. I have 3 people right now that I am friends/related to that are going through international and it is quite frankly a mess! One of them has their referral but nothing is happening since they were told and we are talking about a year and they haven't been able to travel 1x to even meet yet! One traveled to the country after visiting 2x - all documents, courts satisfied - and this was the trip that they were to pick up their daughter. Their daughter is gone! Somehow, someway, papers on the hosting country side were mixed up and "their" daughter was placed with another family! Heartbreaking! I mean it just goes on and on. Granted I do know others that had positive experiences and would do it again in a heartbeat but their road were long and bumpy too. I just think that the United States has a different reputation these days and the countries just don't have as a positive outlook on international adoptions as they used to. Before, it was a win-win solution but now, everyone is taking a step back and rethinking the process it seems. Again, my humble opinion.

Thank you allwhohope. I don't know if my views would change on fostering, but I also know that it is not just me and my husband who have to think of our feelings on potential RU, it's our daughter too. It's breaking her heart on RU if it happens, especially more than once. We are still exploring all options but I was just shocked that they won't even consider taking any applications, frankly the woman was very brusque and not at all understanding. Also I was in the middle of Costco having that discussion so trying to be cautious of what I said and careful of being too out there. I read all the sections on here, and especially the foster section and agree keeping the birth order is soooo important. I am an MFT candidate (graduate in a couple weeks and will be pursuing licensure) so I see even in normal biological families where blended families have issues losing established birth order status.

I am in the process of being licensed for foster care (hoping to adopt). My son is two. I know other people who have done it with young children. Yes, it may be painful for them, but there are ways to make it easier. I have been talking to my son about a child "coming to stay with us" rather than a new brother or sister. Not saying you should do this, but it may not need to affect your daughter as negatively as you expect. I don't know if it's so much an issue of not being understanding. Remember that foster to adopt isn't like other adoptions - you are not their client, but a potential resource. They have limited resources, and if you don't fit their need for a resource, they aren't going to use those resources on you. I agree about not going out of birth order, but most places will tell you that straight adoption of a younger child is unlikely. Remember, too, that kids on the photolistings tend to have very significant special needs, so you may want to think carefully about whether this would be a good option for your daughter as well.

Yeah we don't even know what to do anymore. It's come up with $30k or wait indefinitely for things to open up. I didn't mean she wasn't understanding about our wants just seemed like she wouldn't be understanding at all--just very short. I think our daughter would be okay but she tends to love children quickly and everyone is her friend so that might make it more difficult trying to keep it together with her.My husband and I talked and we absolutely agree we cannot be a foster family.

Are you comfortable with trying private (non-agency assisted) adoption? You could get your home study done and then network for a potential birth mom all over the place, either locally or farther away. I don't know if I am allowed to say, but I have heard other parents say they liked using adoptimist site.I know that can significantly reduce the costs of adoption, like to under $10K. I think as long as you understand it and are comfortable with the process since it's a little different than agency adoption it might be worth looking in to.