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Hi everyone. I'm hoping some of you might have some advice for me. I'll start with a bit of back story. My birth mother gave birth to me 30 yrs ago. No one knew till almost 3 days after I was born. Even then it was kept a bit quiet. I've had a relationship with her for the past 12 years which is amazing!!!! My dilemma is now I want to try to meet my father. I've found him. I know where he is and even know people who know him! Where I'm stuck is the fact that he has no idea I exist. My mother and him broke up long before she knew she was pregnant. I'm just not sure what to say?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :)
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There is no easy way to tell a man that he has a child.I would tell him that I was the daughter of ______. I'd ask him if he remembers her. If not, remind him of when they dated , what she looked like, etc.At this point, he may well suspect where you're headed with the conversation.Tell him that you are her daughter, and you were born on ___________________. He should be able to do the math.Pause to let him digest the information, and then tell him that you were told he is your father.That's how I would do it. My father knew about me. So, fortunately, I didn't have to tell him I existed.
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I got to do this too.
Not sure if I did it right, but
I called, and got to leave a message, said I was working on family ancestry and wanted to find out if I had the right "John Doe".
When he called back and I had established it was the John Doe I was looking for - I eventually said,
"I have reason to believe you are my father."
Then gave him time to have heart failure, we talked for a little while and agreed to talk again the next day.
It worked for us.
I think it might be good to call, because a letter can get lost or tossed, and you never know who in the home will read the letter.
On the phone you can just talk about family ancestry to anyone, then if you do talk to your father you can then mention him being your father!
Good Luck Mrs Deeds! however you choose to go about it.
Beth, You did it right for the two of you.If you were able to reach him and communicate with him, you did it right.Mrs. Deeds, if you do choose to write, then I would recommend going the family ancestry route. Wives are notorious for opening husband's mail. And, you definitely don't want him to learn about you that way.The problem with that choice is that he may not be interested in communicating with anyone about his ancestry, so he might choose not to contact you back.I would call him. Besides, many men are not fans of letter writing. They would prefer the direct route.... If I had written to my father, I think I would still be waiting for the letter. For me, the thought of talking with him on the phone was far scarier than the actual phone call itself. Good luck with whatever you decide.