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This is an interesting article about an adoptee finding out as a teen that she was adopted and then searching for her birth family.
She amazingly wasn't angry for long about being kept in the dark, maybe because her adoptive parents were supportive about her search.
[url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/courtney-hardy/finding-birth-parents_b_3635054.html]I Learned I Was Adopted in Biology Class and Used Facebook to Connect With My Birth Family | Courtney Hardy[/url]
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Oh good grief, I knew I shouldn't read the comments - first two I read? Does this person really think that she calls her mom her "adoptive mom"? People need to get over their need to be the only mom... Going back to make my eyes bleed more... Kind regards,Dickons[URL="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/courtney-hardy/finding-birth-parents_b_3635054.html#"][/URL]
I take offense with the term "adoptive parents." They raised you. They are your parents.
You are a very lucky girl.I'm happy for you.
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You made me go back dmarie :hissy: just kidding...it was good to go back and as you will see. Who states that they are close to two people who were raised by caring parents in any other conversation? But wait - obviously she has issues because she didn't talk about her extended adoptive family - it wasn't a memoir... dmarie - now just because you have in-laws please don't forget about who did all the hard work of raising you... Obviously she has problems if she doesn't speak of her extended adoptive family in a short article. Because adoptees live with their parents their entire lives - that's obviously why people keep referencing them. said the one who I quoted yesterday that found the use of adoptive parents offensive. Perhaps try reading the article? And you signed in and commented why? Note the adopted status... Quoted section below by the author of the article - she also noted that her science teacher told her that there were exceptions to the eye colors (heaps of post saying the teacher was wrong) Might have been good you didn't find out until later in years? - does he think 4 year olds go out looking? And of course she must be reminded to include her adoptive family. Dmarie I want to make sure you remember to include your family in your new life with your husband - who says that to someone? Do they think relationships are so easily scrapped? You asked for it... D
I've been very close with two people who were adopted at birth, and raised by caring adoptive parents. One sought to find their birth family, the other did not, and was stunned to find their birth family looking for them . Sadly , both instances did not have a very happy resolution. On the surface, the author seems to have either omitted an adoptive extended family, or to not have relationship with them. That is much more telling than her search for her birth family.
I'm glad she's so glad - but I hope she doesn't forget who did all the work raising her.
This is a great story, at least on the surface. She does mention that her adoptive parents are her real parents, they raised her, etc. But she must have adoptive relatives, too, whom she always thought of as "real" relatives. With all these new cousins, etc., is there still room for the extended adoptive family? There is no mention of whether she grew up with aunts, uncles, cousins—personally, my closest relatives are granduncles and grandaunts, other than one brother of my dad’s, but most families are bigger than mine.Just curious.
Wow! What a story Courtney! It is worthy of being made into a novel or Movie. I am impressed by your bravery and honesty and relieved for you that your entire 'new' family are decent, wonderful people , ( that's certainly no guarantee), that will enrich your and your Parents lives. All the best to you.
I missed that. In that case it's cool. Birth parents is acceptable. It just bugs me that parents who adopt and raise a child from birth to adulthood get tagged with "adoptive." Anyone can make a child. It takes real dedication to raise on. My pet peeve.
Just read the headline and not the article, but it does read as a Dr. Phil episode... Or perhaps Maury Pauvich
SHAME ON YOU!!! You're birth mother and father gave you up for a reason. I'm sure that they went through much trauma and pain and then one day you carelessly rip the scabs off the old wounds. on FACEBOOK of all places. How inconsiderate you were, not only to your birth parents but your adopted parents... they loved you, sacrificed for you, gave you everything and you carelessly showed your indifference to how they MIGHT FEEL BETRAYED. [I am adopted so I now of what I speak... I find people like you to be very selfish indeed!!!
My parents didn't tell me for a few reasons: 1. They said they didn't look at me every day and think I was their "adopted" child- I was just their child. It wasn't something they thought about constantly. 2. They said they knew they could either tell me when I was young or when I was older. They decided not to tell me when I was younger because they wanted me to grow up and not worry about feeling different, upset or being teased for being adopted. They decided to just tell me when I was older and could make more sense of it. 3. They said they would never lie to me, and when I came home and asked they didn't lie. Honestly, I would not have had it any other way. Like I said, they didn't look at me every day and even think twice about me being adopted. It just came up when it did and we had a conversation about it. I was a little rattled for a few days and then honestly I went back on with my life and nothing felt different. The older I got, the more curious I got and that's when I chose to look. Originally, I chose to look because I knew I had brothers out there and growing up an only child, that was the coolest thing in the world to me. I was able to get some answers and I understand why I was put up for adoption and I feel like everything happens for a reason and my life turned out the way it should. I know what you mean about not getting everyone to understand (just read the comments on this post haha), but at the end of the day, it's my life and my choice and what works for me works for me. I bet there are things they do that don't work for me, but that's the beauty of being individuals! I am very connected with my parents who adopted me and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world! Thanks for your kind words! Cheers!
I'm so glad that you found your birth parents and extended family. AND that they are good people looking to get connected. This story could have taken a different turn. You are so lucky and it may have been a good thing that you didn't find this out until later in years. I hope nothing changes for you and that you are including your adoptive family in what you are doing with your parents. IT seems they are great people too and that everyone can get along.
Dickons, I'm always amazed at how people think our hearts are so small and that we have a limited amount of love to give. So if I add people to my life to love, then I'm going to have to stop loving someone else?I have my mom's family, my biological dad's family (just how I've always thought of him), for a while I had my adoptive step dad's family (the one's I really loved are passed on now), I have my Aunt and Uncle who cared for me for 4 years and my Aunt's extended family. I didn't stop loving my mom when my dad came back into my life. I don't love my mom's family less because I care for my Aunt's family. There is room in my heart for all of them. And I'm a better person because I am loved by so many and able to love so many.All those quotes show how many people still don't understand the adoptee experience. You know, I would love to have someone tell me not to forget who raised me. . . . I'd have to stop and ask which set of my family they mean? My mom and dad for the first 2 years of my life, my aunt and uncle for the next 4, my mom and step dad for the next 4, my mom and grandparents for the next 4, my mom and step dad after that. . . . .Hmmmmm, who did raise me? lol.
Dmarie, I've come to the sad conclusion that people either: a) care more about the feelings of those saintly people who took in that waif no one wanted... or b) see adoptees as a sub-species of human that must be constantly told how to act properly in their society... or both... It starts from a very young age but at the time it seems so innocent with the lucky comments...but it is deeply ingrained in society that we must be told. That assumption seems to go away only when both [adoptive] parents have passed as in the sibling reunion stories of 80 year olds. That mindset is found both within and outside of the adoption community. D
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Yeah, we're already getting the lucky comments. I usually respond with no, her dad and I are the lucky ones. I'm not sure whether it's worth fighting the battle.I'm going to do my best to make sure people don't think my LO was unwanted or that she's lucky. But she's going to hear that a lot growing up.The least offensive lucky comment came from her Doctor. She said "she's lucky to be in your family. Not many parents would have put up with everythin you have with her reflux." I was flabergasted though and thought, what kind of parents do you see? How do you "not put up with " a child who is in severe pain? How do you not keep fighting to find relief for her? We didn't go above and beyond in my mind. We just kept trying to find a solution that would give the whole family relief.Yes, the ready to use formula is expensive - but she feels better with it than the powder. Yes it's a pain to give her medicine 2 to 3 times a day, but it helps all of us when she feels good. That's really not doing much in my opinion. I still maintain though that if anyone is lucky, it's her dad and I. We are truly blessed to be able to care for her, to hold her when she's hurting, to laugh with her when she's happy, to fight for the right care when neccessary. It's not a burden. All it has ever taken is one of her sweet smiles to make the hours of crying worth it. Isn't that how every parent feels? Maybe I'm just naive.
Dmarie - I get what you are trying to do but I think it is to soft to actually get people to think - instead they just think how nice you really are. I think you have to add that the statement is offensive (or whatever) and ask why they see her as less than because she lost her first parents. Being told you are offensive etc might make someone think... Or not... Running out the door to go see mom who I obviously don't have time for anymore because I know my family of birth...:woohoo: and I don't have the capacity of normal folks... D
Dickons
Running out the door to go see mom who I obviously don't have time for anymore because I know my family of birth...:woohoo: and I don't have the capacity of normal folks...
D
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L4R... I burst out laughing at your description, a deep belly laugh that is so very healthy to do. Thanks... That pretty well described what I was thinking but I wasn't sure if it was meant to be satire like the Onion is. Sometimes I can miss the obvious. Thanks for making me laugh out loud. D
Yeah, I was sitting there the whole time reading, going is he for real?I don't see any evidence that it's a satirical site, so I'm going to say yeah he's for real.I'm with L4R. And yes, I almost woke my daughter laughing at your post. :-) I just keep thinking OMG. Did you just say you no longer need to help your fellow man just because you adopted a child ( out of the UK equivalent to foster care it looks like)? Did you just say your son could have been deemed a lost cause in a few years? And then say, but I'm not the new savior to children in care?Geez, where do you find this stuff Dickons? And yes, it fits perfectly with the rest of the conversation we were having. :-)And I'm still annoyed by his "realization that this was meant to be." That is one of the ones that always annoys me. I better stop now, I feel a rant coming on.
Geez, where do you find this stuff Dickons?
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I read some of the man's other posts. Sadly, he wasn't attempting to be satirical.Ah, yes, the meant to be reference that so many people use on us. My cousin has told me more than once that she believed I was meant to be adopted into my family because I was a blonde youngster, and my a-mom was also blonde. Um, okay, but I was a natural blonde, my a-mom was a bleach job.