A one-year-old CAN have an attachment disorder

Sometimes I feel so sad for our current foster child. He is only 14 months old, yet he already has an attachment disorder. I am VERY grateful that his caseworker agrees. I'm half venting and half warning in this post. Parenting a child with attachment disorder is HARD, no matter the child's age and no matter how severe the disorder. A child can have an attachment disorder at any age, even the super-young. After hearing the child's history, I knew he was at risk for one. Five moves in his short life since relatives just aren't panning out. But it took almost a month in my home for the symptoms to start showing. (Yes, even 13 month olds can "honeymoon".) This child is only affectionate on his terms. He is only happy to see me when he needs his diaper changed. I try to drink in as much of that first-thing-in-the-morning smile as I can, because I won't see it most of the rest of the day. As soon as his diaper is changed, he doesn't care about me. No more smiles. He brings toys to my husband for playing, but not me. Me? He walks over to the electrical outlet or the cord(things he isn't to touch) and looks at me, then laughs and touches them. But only when my husband isn't in the room. At the grocery store, he ignores me, but smiles and giggles at passing women and girls. Every one of them who makes eye contact gets flirted with. Every grocery trip at least 10 women come over to interact with him and tell me "he's so charming!" Yep, that's personality trait #1 on the attachment disorder list, so yes he certainly is. I haven't found the perfect line yet to get them to back off - "Careful, he's still contagious!" might be the next one I try. :arrow: At home, if hubby is watching while I'm on the other side of a baby gate, he'll come up to the gate and put his arms up and cry to be picked up. But if I put my work down and go to pick him up, he flops to the floor and screams as if I'd pushed him. He laid down on the floor the other day and bopped his head on it a little hard. He SCREAMED bloody murder even though there wasn't a scratch or even a red spot. Yet he tipped a tabletop fan over on himself and after the first startled squawk he didn't make a sound. Yet that fan left bruises. He loves his visit supervisor. More than the relative who he's lived with off and on for more than half his life. Relative went to pick him up at the visit, he stared at him deadpan as if he didn't know who this person was, and didn't care. But if his visit worker appears, he's all over her, giggly and happy. She has never changed his diaper or given him food or attended to his other needs, just shows up to watch visits. Yet he "loves" her. I am ignored. I am hit, kicked, and pinched. He turns around when I'm carrying him by putting his hand to my throat and pushing. He knows how to headbutt his forehead into the bridge of my nose. (I've learned to hold my head sideways so he at least hits my cheekbone.) He doesn't cry tears when he "cries". We have seen tears, but only when strangers are present for the "crying" episode. But sometimes I can break through. Surprise seems to do it best. I put a fresh off the vine blackberry in his mouth the other day and was rewarded by total surprise on his face, then he looked at me and opened his mouth for another. Success! Looking to me to meet his needs/wants! There were only three berries on the bush that day, but I keep trying to find another surprise to catch him off guard. I am determined to do my part to heal this. I wear him in a baby carrier - facing toward me. As often as I can, I feed him directly from my hand to his mouth. I still give him a bottle, in my arms, to prepare him for bed. I do all diaper changes so he can learn that I do make him feel better than he feels alone. I do the skin-to-skin contact of baths and lotioning. But it isn't easy. I *will* do the best I can. He is one angry, angry, and fearful little boy, and I don't even think he knows it. But he's saying so, loud and clear with his actions. Today was more difficult than most. He does not display all these actions 100% of the time. It's more complicated than that. It's so easy to think "what am I doing wrong, that he likes everyone better than he likes me?" The answer is that I'm not the one with the problem, *he has an attachment disorder*, but in order for him to heal *I* am going to have to do an awesome amount of work. And today I am tired. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Whether it is or not, I'll keep trying.