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We are hoping to adopt our current placement, and should know for sure soon. (we hope!) I am interested in allowing the BioDad still have supervised visits with the children. My oldest is 6 and will feel devastated to lose contact with him. I am wondering if I will have to agree to something legally, or can I just make the decision on my own and Bio has to agree? Does anyone know how this works?
I'm worried if I agree to it legally, and it is in the adoption papers, what happens if he later takes a turn for the worse and I am no longer comfortable supervising the visits.. I guess I am wondering if we would have to have a lawyer to change it, or can I just say no?
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I went through mediation with my AS family. As a result, we have 3 visits per year, one hour each and supervised by me.
It was put in the agreement that if there ever came a time where my son said he didn't want to visit that there would be none.
If I ever smell any alcohol on them - no visit.
I agreed to keep them informed of any change in phone number. I use my cell number only and have a P.O. Box for mail from them.
It is generally recommended to go through formal mediation for foster-to-adopt cases, in my area at least. We have a firm in town that does nothing but adoption mediation.
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Yes, also find out if your state has Open Adoption in your state.
Because, in my state, even if you do mediation for an open adoption (which I did for my STBAS).......there are many states where it is not a legal document and CANNOT be enforced after adoption.
My state is one of those. So after adoption, I could ignore the OA and there would be nothing anyone could do about it.
Thank you both for the information. I wasn't aware of the mediation. I am unsure if my state has OA or not. I live in Alabama. I will be looking into that!
I don't want them to lose contact completely, and was unsure about how many visists per year to expect, until I found this website. Seems like most people do 3 to 4 every year. That seems reasonable to me.
Thanks again!
I live in legally enforceable OA state. We have two semi open adoptions that are not enforceable and by our choice only we didnt do a mediation in the cases. For those cases in one- contact is with bio mom pics and updates sometimes a visit yearly. For the other contact is pics, updates and visits with a sib. We have seperate private FB accounts for each. For our third adoption we have a legally enforceable OA all it states is that all communication and the possiblity of visitation is at our discretion. Our legal OA was done by a mediator and it was an amazing experience for us. It really helped to frame and concretely put in place post adoption expectations. As to if that experience really works down the road for everyone remains to be seen. But if you really wish for some future contact I think a mediator would be immensely helpful.
In my state the state offers a Communication agreement if the bio parents agree to sign without going to termination. The usual agreement is a letter and picture 2xs a year and 1 visit a year. But there is a clause in it that states if at anytime it is not in the best interest of the child then the adoptive parents can stop contact and there is another section that states if they don't follow through with the terms of the agreement for a period of either 6months or a year then the contract is voided out. There are other stipulations in it as well. The bios can take you to court if they feel that you haven't followed the agreement and the judge will decide who gets to pay the fee's and if the agreement wasn't followed and where to go from there... but it does not affect the adoption at all.
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