First Meeting

We met with our boys, 10 and 11 at the time, several times after we were matched but before they knew we were to be there adoptive parents. We felt the same way and wanted so badly for them to like us. We met at their foster parents house as "friends of the family". We tried to act natural and stay true to our own personalities all the while wanting to just hug on them and tell them we were going to be their forever family...It was really hard to hold it in but we made it. We played games together and got the boys to laugh a lot. Our youngest, now 11, says you should be silly and happy and friendly when you meet her and play something with her and make her laugh. I agree, nothing gets to a kid's heart quicker than an adult that will play with them. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

First meeting went really well! Next one in a week :banana:

Well we have now had four visits with our future adoptive daughter. :cheer: Visit #1 we saw a shy and cautious girl, but we managed to coax a few smiles and play out of her (the visit was at an arcade and bowling alley).Visit #2 we saw the same shy girl at the start of lunch, but by the end M did not want to let me out of the booth. She was not ready to leave! So we extended the visit by taking her back to her FM's house and playing games for several hours. She showed us her life book, and gave us each a quick hug at the endVisit #3 she asked to come home with us. We told her we wished we could take her now, but the plan is for a slow transitionVisit #4 she gave us three huge bags of stuffed animals to take home with us for herOver labor day weekend we will see her daily for visits 5, 6 and 7 and take her for her first visit to our house. We cannot do an overnight visit yet, much to our frustration (and M's as well) because her team is taking "baby steps" to keep the pressure on her to a minimum. I would not say we are bonding quickly so much as we are getting comfortable with each other. There is an absolutely natural compatibility. She unknowingly echoes our opinions on things we have never even discussed with her (we brought her pictures of different bedding sets to look through for her room - she made the same comment word for word about one set that the hubby had made when he saw the set). It is hard not to think of her as my daughter already...even though she has to "pick" us by eventually asking us to adopt. We are trying to figure out how to let her know that permanency is an option without letting the cat out of the bag, but we figure that opportunity will come once she moves in.We have already done some boundary work with her enforcing a few of our basic etiquette rules and she really is holding none of her personality back. She is a spitfire, but a wonderfully normal kid with a great smile and a ton of potential. She is smart as a whip and I can't wait for her to be placed with us. We anticipate a pretty rough transition when the move actually happens no matter how slow we take it now, so we hope to get to it soon. For now I would just be happy to have a TENTATIVE schedule.:grr:

We have a move in week :banana: The week of Oct 14, M will move in permanently. We had our first overnight visit last weekend and will have her all weekend next. She is bonding super well to both of us, very happy with "her" room and giving us every indication that she is a "normal" kid who has had a lot of the short end of the stick. Yes, she is bratty when she does not get her way. Yes, she is socially more than a little stunted. Yes, it is going to take time for us to prove to her we are going to be here for her no matter what. Yes, we know she is "honeymooning" and have seen glimpses of what we will face when the honeymoon is over and are OK with it.But when we met on visit 1, she pretended she had ZERO manners. Now she says please and thank you and even knows the difference between "Can I?" and "May I?". When we met for visits 2 and 3, she begged for ice cream or some sweet every two hours. Now she does not even ask for sugary drinks after 5pm or complain that we "only" let her have two sweets a day. When we took her school shopping, she was running ahead of us every chance she got, now she wants to walk beside us (or be pushed in the buggy). A couple of weeks ago, "home" was her last FH, now she tells everyone she meets she is coming to live with us.She trusts me to guard her back when she used a gas station restroom or the shower at the YMCA. She trusts my husband to give her a piggy back rides. She likes it when I give her foot rubs and brush her hair. She is smart, more considerate than she wants anyone to know, creative, athletic, and consistently amazes/fascinates us.I love this kid and am so thankful to get the chance to be her MOMMY!:cheer:

How is it going? Your posts made me nervous....yelling attachment disorder all over it!

It is going good. I think she definitely has attachment challenges, but I would hesitate to put a label of attachment disorder. Now...Oppositional Defiant? Poster child. She refers to us as Mom and Dad to other people, but still calls us by our first name at home. She has a healthy attachment I would say at this point, for a month at home. She is cautious to put herself "out there" but craves her goodnight hugs and reaches for our hands when she is uncertain of a situation. She is making friends (slowly) and doing well in school. She is smart, creative and compassionate. She has a low tolerance for frustration and tends to think every criticism means she is stupid or ugly or unworthy of love. She contradicts everything we say when she is in the mood. She admits she has difficulty expressing her feelings and "takes it out on us" when she is upset, whether we are the cause or not. She fears every conversation with her case worker or treatment coach is a call to ask them to come pick her up. We did not have much of a honeymoon. The testing started immediately. But for every step back, we take two leaps forward...I think!

Great to hear! My son was fifteen, when he moved in, and adolescence provided some very special times! Here's hoping you have an easier journey. Best wishes to your new family!